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JKB
Inspiring Life Long Learning

"You can teach a student a lesson for a day; but if you can teach him to learn by creating curiosity, he will continue the learning process as long as he lives." -- Clay P. Bedford

My personal goal is to inspire life long learning, both in and out of the classroom. There is so much to discover!

 
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Damsel in Distress?
by: JKB, 01-12-2010

Ok.......I live alone and I'm learning to make the best of it, for the most part. However, when something goes wrong......does that mean I have to turn into a "Damsel in Distress"?

My answer is: I think NOT! Last Sunday, I did everything I could that afternoon, so that my first day back to school after the holidays would go as smoothly as possible. All my housework and laundry was done. Everything was packed up that I needed to take into school Monday morning. Yep........I was all set to go...or as ready as I was ever going to be........because I was still dreading the alarm clock on Monday morning!

That's when I decided it would be perfect to just take a nice, relaxing bath........(Calgon take me away?)....when, much to my surprise.......the hot water pipe leading to my bath tub was frozen. YIKES!

First....I guess I must admit the fact that now that I am living on my own, I've become almost "stubborn" when it comes to ask ANYONE for help. With both my parents and my husband gone, I just decided that I have to rely only on myself. I do have two sisters......one is nearly blind and the other one I won't call for anything much more intense then how's the weather? I do have adult children, who are always willing to help me, but I feel like I don't want to live my life vicariously through them and I don't want them to feel like they have to take care of me, since I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself. (Likewise, I knew I could have called them and they would have been here in a heartbeat, but I just didn't want to do that, if I didn't have to!)


At any rate, when I discovered that I had a frozen pipe......I will admit, I just sat down on the floor, my eyes welled up with tears and I thought....."now what am I going to do?" That lasted just a couple of minutes though......and I started to think about how this had happened years ago, when my husband was alive. I remembered that he took a blow dryer and thawed out the pipe. It worked then.........so I had to believe it would work now, too.

Armed with the most powerful hair dryer I had, I stayed up ALL night, trying to thaw it out. By Monday morning, it was still frozen, but I had to go to work! I had no choice, but leave it.........praying all the way that nothing would burst. When I got my prep time that morning, I ran home.......and YAY, the pipe was thawed out and nothing burst! I can't tell you how grateful I was for that answered prayer! (Now I believe that God is not only the Great Physician, but also the Great Plumber!)


I must admit, I was a little puzzled that it even happened in the first place. Years ago, when we had that problem, my husband re-did the entire plumbing on the house. He also insulated it very well. We had much colder days last year and there wasn't a problem. The only thing I could think was the fact that last year, my kids were still living with me, so the water was circulating 4 times as much as it does now, with me living alone. Maybe it just didn't have a chance to freeze last year??? Who knows? At any rate, now I am much more conscious of it and I am constantly checking the faucets to make sure they are still running.

Meanwhile, after it was all taken care of..........I received some rather unexpected feedback from some well meaning friends. One male friend literally got mad at me because I didn't call him for help. (To be honest, I never even thought about calling him!) Another female friend told me that I needed to learn how to be a "damsel in distress" and I was crazy to NOT seek help from others. (She's the type who very easily says "I need you to do this for me"........even if it is something she can do for herself, she'd much rather "delegate".)

Well, maybe the Damsel in Distress routine works well for others, but it just doesn't work for me. I'd rather live by the slogan "If it is to be, it is up to me!".....as long as I can possibly overcome an obstacle on my own accord. Then, if I do run into something where I need help, at least I know it is because it is something that is beyond my own ability.

The poetic irony of it all is simply this..........It is very easy for me to jump in and help others, but it is very difficult for me to ask others to jump in and help me........can't explain why, it just is.

Until next time,
JKB

6 Comments

Another FIRST...and another and another....
by: JKB, 01-10-2010

Like everyone else, my life has had its fair share of twists and turns....each one leading to yet another FIRST!

I started this blog more than 3 years ago. My original intention was to blog about things relating to teaching. Little did I know at that time, that this would also be a chronicle of some of the most difficult days in my personal life. In a nutshell, as many of my veteran PT friends already know, both my husband and my mother passed away in less than 2 weeks during the summer of 2007. (I won't rehash all that........the details are already in my previous blogs.) Needless to say, my whole world stopped spinning and I've been trying ever since to press on.

The term "press on" often leads to new FIRSTS.

For me, this Christmas was another one of those new FIRSTS.

This is the FIRST Christmas that I have ever had, while living alone. (Last year, my kids were still living with me.....another long story told in previous blogs!) I tried to keep some of the holiday joy in my life. I put up a small Christmas tree and a few decorations around the house.......although I must admit my enthusiasm just wasn't in it the way it had been in days gone by. I just kept telling myself to "press on".

On Christmas Eve, it was the FIRST time that I've made a holiday feast by myself. (My husband was a Sous Chef in days gone by and he was the KING of our kitchen......I was just the sidekick! ) I made roast turkey with stuffing, glazed ham, mashed potatoes and gravy, a variety of vegetables, followed by French Silk Pie and cheesecake for dessert.......plus a variety of cookies that I had baked a couple days before that. I am proud to say it came out even better than I had hoped. (I guess it is like riding a bike.......you don't ever really forget how to do it.) Even my son........who has been my "critic at large" and has teased me about cooking since he was a toddler complimented my dinner........that's HUGE!

Likewise, this was the FIRST real meal that I have cooked since about a week before my husband died.......unless you count warming up a can of soup or tossing a salad for myself as "cooking"! (I just simply lost my desire to cook....I just find it is no fun to cook and/or eat by myself. )

After dinner, we exchanged gifts and just relaxed together. It was nice. Then, after the kids went to their homes, I decided to go to church at midnight. While I have been to regular church services, this was the FIRST time I have gone to Christmas Eve service since I lost my husband, although that is not necessarily something I am proud to say. It's just that I couldn't bring myself to it the previous 2 Christmases........all I could think about was how we used to go together and how hollow I felt when I thought about going alone. Yet, somehow, this year, I mustered up enough stamina within myself and pushed myself to go. I admit it..........my eyes welled up in tears a couple of times during the service itself, but I made it through.

Christmas Day, I spent at home alone. To some that might sound terrible.......but for me it was the right thing to do. It gave me the opportunity to be lost in my own thoughts and emotions and I needed that "me" time. Both of my kids spent that day with their spouses' families, and even though I was invited to join them, I opted not to. Again, that might sound crazy to some........but the way I looked at it was that I had my time with them on Christmas Eve and it was their spouses' parents time to enjoy them, too. Likewise, I refuse to live my life vicariously through them......after all, one of my primary goals when I raised my children was for them to become independent adults! I do not want them to feel like they have to "take care of Mom", when I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself.

Since Christmas Day, I've tried to blend some rest and relaxation with "catching up" on some household chores and school related things. A couple of nights this week, I went out with friends and a couple of nights I chose to stay home.

Today was another FIRST for me, as it was my birthday and it panned out to be different from any other I've ever known. The day started with a few "Happy Birthday" phone calls and that was nice. My kids stopped by at various times to see me, according to their work schedules and that was nice, too. Later, I had a delightful lunch with a friend. Afterwards, I did a little bit of shopping and then I decided to come home...and that's where I stayed the rest of the night. Another friend called this evening and invited me to her house, but I just decided that I felt like staying home, so we are going to get together tomorrow afternoon. I had a quiet evening, but it was okay.

Tomorrow is New Year's Eve........and I am anticipating yet another FIRST, as I will be home alone to welcome in the New Year.........believe it or not.........I'm okay with that. I was invited to a couple of parties, but I've come to realize that I just need this alone time to renew my spirit and continue my journey as I press on to whatever new FIRSTS lie ahead for me....

On that note, I'd like to wish all of you....my PT friends a wonderful New Year filled with joy, laughter, happiness, health, and prosperity!

Until next time,
JKB

11 Comments

It's a triple whammy!
by: JKB, 11-15-2009

I've fought the hard fight to avoid all the sneezes and coughs that are present in every classroom. I've gone through several canisters of disinfectant wipes, trying to combat germs on commonly used items........but I still was knocked off my feet this past week with laryngitis, ear ache, and fever. Honestly, when a teacher gets sick, it's a triple whammy!

The first whammy is feeling ill. In my case, living alone also means having to take care of myself. Yet, it took a lot of effort to just get some soup when my fever spiked.

The second whammy is making sure that I left adequate lesson plans and materials for the sub, so the kids are productive and on task all day. I rarely leave "hands on" or special projects for a sub to do. It seems like the few times I did do that, things just didn't go well or materials were lost in the shuffle. So......instead, it is often a lot of paper and pencil work, or group work. Of course.......that leads us to the third whammy......

The third whammy is going back after being home a couple of days.........only to be greeted with a MOUNTAIN of papers to check! YIKES........if the fever didn't make me feel ill, that surely did!

I've checked so many papers today, I feel cross eyed! I know you all know what I mean! Just some of the "hidden" joys of our occupation, I guess.

It just doesn't pay to be sick!

Until next time,
JKB

6 Comments

I was lost...
by: JKB, 09-16-2009

Yep, I was truly lost.......in the land of boxes! The good news is that I've been able to tunnel my way out.....only to find myself back in school!

It's been more than 2 months since my last blog....where did that time go? Between emptying 3 storage units of everything that my mother, my husband, and I owned, moving back into my own house.....and teaching summer school, I guess I shouldn't really be asking that question.

The good news is that I finally have the entire main floor of my home settled. In addition to unpacking, I had the almost overwhelming task of washing every single thing that could possibly be washed. As if that was not enough......I also got the "brilliant" idea to wash and/or paint every single wall on the main floor of my house, followed by having new carpet installed in my living room. I shoved, dragged, and pushed furniture all over the place, until I got it to where I like it the best.

All in all, this has proven to be an adventure......mixed with a wide range of emotions.....but the best outcome of it all is the fact that I finally feel like I am coming back to life. I've even started to socialize more......made some reconnections with former high school and college friends, some of whom I have not seen in years.

I've also made some more changes in my lifestyle that has made me feel better. A year ago, I had dropped 2 sizes....but still had more I wanted to shed. From that point, I didn't gain any of the weight back, but I didn't lose anymore either. Since April of this year, I've gotten back on track....changing how I eat and walking, walking, walking.....and now I've dropped 1 MORE size.........even shopping, which I always dreaded, is now becoming more fun.

Meanwhile, there are still plenty of boxes to unpack. They are waiting patiently for me in the two bedrooms on the upper level of my house. Much of that stuff is seasonal, and for now, I decided to give myself a break........and I will get to it when I get to it........one box at a time. Whatever is still there next summer, will just have to wait until then.

I feel like I have been living in a coccoon for more than 2 years, since my husband and my Mom died. Now, I feel like I am finally going through some kind of metamorphosis....and I don't know whether or not I will emerge as a butterfly or a moth.......but I do know that it is time for me to come back to life again.........and I'm making every effort to do just that.

At the same time, the new school year has begun. So far, so good. There are still plenty of school related "woes", such as having NO contract for the third year in a row......but aside from the things that gets on all of our nerves......my year started out on a positive note. Now the challenge is to keep things going smoothly the rest of the year!

Until next time,
JKB

7 Comments

Where, oh where....
by: JKB, 06-29-2009

My kids moved out of my home two weeks ago. The very next day, I started the overwhelming task of trying to bring home my belongings from 3 storage units. (See previous blog entries for more details.) After not seeing most of my things for nearly 2 1/2 years.....my question is.....where, oh where did all this stuff come from?


I feel like my whole life has been in storage and now I am in the overwhelming process of unpacking it all......box by box. Some boxes hold useful household items that I forgot I even had. Some boxes hold things that I wonder why, oh why, did I ever buy those things in the first place? I mean, really, what was I thinking? ? ?


The most challenging boxes of all are the ones that stir up my emotions. Just yesterday, I opened the box that held my wedding pictures. All I could do was sit down, look at them, reflect, and of course, cry. However, these tears were cleansing to my soul....because I was also reminded about the wonderful times that my husband and I shared together.

The good news is......in less than 2 weeks, I have successfully emptied ONE storage unit.

(Of course, I did get the perplexing email from one of my sisters the day after my kids moved out, asking if I had all 3 storage units emptied yet? UMMM....who does she think I am.....wonder woman? YIKES!)

At any rate, between my kids, my nephew, my lifelong friend, and I, we have been making multiple runs every other day.....loading up vehicles and then stacking the boxes that we bring home in my kitchen and my living room. Then, I spend the next day unpacking, sorting, purging, and putting away things ......item by item. I am so determined NOT to just "shove" things away.....but instead, find the right spot for each item. Of course, it takes longer this way, but I know I will be happier in the long run if I take the time to do it right. (Besides, I can no longer blame my husband for moving something that I can't find! Instead, if I can't find it, it is my own fault! )


At any rate.....I'm slowly making progress.......back to "inch by inch is a cinch, but mile by mile is a trial." I am hoping to have 2 units emptied before July 6th.....because that is when I start teaching summer school.


Until next time,
JKB

9 Comments

2 Attachment(s) Relay For Life
by: JKB, 06-10-2009

From 2:30 until 4:30 AM, I walked in our community's Relay For Life. This was an incredible experience!

The Relay lasts for 24 hours and there were 43 teams involved. Each team had to have at least one person on the track at all times throughout the entire 24 hour period. For those who know me, I don't sleep much and night is prime time for me! So, I walked and I felt so many emotions!

There was an outdoor DJ playing soft music all night long. Some of the songs really hit me....especially "I Still Miss You!", I could NOT stop thinking about my husband and my parents who have passed on. Nor could I stop my tears from falling, but it was good for my soul at the same time. Even though neither my Mom or my husband had cancer, my Dad suffered with it before he died.

I also thought a lot about one of my dearest friends who is a cancer survivor. She is such an inspiration to me!

The relay was held in a local park that has a huge hill. On the hill, the word HOPE was spelled out with luminary bags. The track was also lined with the bags. Each bag was decorated to be in memory or in honor of somebody who has battled cancer. There were tons of tents set up, where people were selling things to help raise funds in support of the American Cancer Society.

If anyone ever has an opportunity to walk in a Relay for Life, I would highly recommend it! You certainly walk away with much more than what you started with.

I am going to add a few pictures from the event, although they aren't real clear.......perhaps they will give an overview.

Until next time,
JKB

7 Comments

The frenzy begins now!
by: JKB, 05-30-2009

Once again, time has lapsed since I've posted on my blog. In some ways, I don't even know where these past few weeks have gone....but I am happy to say that the FRENZY begins now!

As mentioned in several of my previous posts, my kids have been trying to get a home of their own for over a year and a half. They faced one obstacle after the next. Then, they found their dream home back in March and were scheduled to close around the middle of April. Of course, like everything else in my life.....things always take longer and cost more than anticipated.

However, my HEADLINE news of the day is that they signed their papers TODAY and are now keyholders of their first real home!

They plan on spending the next week or two painting and preparing the house for their big move. Meanwhile, since they have been living in my house for about 2 1/2 years, they are starting to pack their things up. Once again, I find myself surrounded in boxes.......but I am not complaining!

Once they move, then I will have the major undertaking of finally moving virtually everything I own that has been kept in three storage units for the last couple of years, back into my own house! So, when their boxes are gone, mine will come home. (?.....See previous blog entries for more details.) The biggest trick is to TRY and not feel overwhelmed!

Of course, this is all happening when I am trying to bring closure to this school year. All my PT friends already know how crazy this time of year is......and to add moving two households into the mix can only be defined as one thing ....... MAJOR FRENZY! But again, I am NOT complaining!

As if this isn't enough to keep me busy, I've also joined our a Relay for Life team. This 24 hour relay will be held on June 6th (Report Card Weekend!) and there will be team members walking for 2 hour intervals around the clock. Since I am the perpetual night owl and I don't sleep much, I volunteered to walk the course from 2:30-4:30 AM! (Am I crazy or what?)

During that time, I anticipate that it will be an emotional time for me. I will be walking in memory of my parents and my husband, and in honor of a very close friend who is a cancer survivor. (That alone, is motivation enough for me to do what others would think is crazy with everything else that is going on!) I am expecting a floodgate of emotions to occur while I am walking, but I just feel like this is something I want to do.

I can't help but remember a powerful conversation that my husband and I had just three days before he died. He told me once again that his time was short and that he was dying. (Of course, I didn't accept that and refused to give up hope!) Nevertheless, he also told me that even though he was dying, I had to go on living. (If I could, I'd tell him right now......that's easier said than done!)

These past couple of years have been nothing less than a blur to me, but now it is time for me to find the "new norm" for my life. Somehow, I will be creating a new lifestyle, as I fly solo in this world. I feel like I am on the brink of a new horizon, and while I do not know what will happen next, I do know that I have to contribute something to this world and use this life that was given to me as productively as I possibly can.

Having said that, as long as I don't get swallowed up in the land of boxes or lost in the frenzy that is about to begin, I hope that now I will be able to find more time to visit PT...I certainly have missed time spent with friends here!

Until next time,
JKB

PS:

HIFIMAN-Just wanted you to know that I took your advice and I found myself a lawn service guy that I can afford to take care of my acre of land! Now, would you send me that link to the moving companies that you so highly suggested?

J.Elaine-I am SO happy to see you back on PT! I've missed you so much and will look forward to "catching up"!

Angel77, Kristen and Combo-thanks for your emails and/or messages.......I will get caught up one of these days!

My PT Friends-Many of you have been with me through some of the darkest days of my life and I can't tell you ALL how grateful I have been for your support!


14 Comments

Enjoying the calm before the chaos!
by: JKB, 05-28-2009

It has been awhile since I've posted on my blog, but this world seems to be spinning faster and faster, and time is forging ahead ever so quickly! However, right now, I am truly enjoying the calm before the chaos!

As many of my PT friends already know, my kids will soon be moving into their own home. Originally, they were supposed to close on the house this coming week. However, since it is a foreclosure, there seems to be more paperwork involved. At any rate, things ARE moving along. Just this past week, they were given written consent from both their lender and the selling bank to have the utilities turned on, so that the home inspection could be completed. If there is even a shadow of a doubt that the deal won't go through from one side or the other, consent is not given. However, everything went just like clockwork and the house is in wonderful condition!

Initially, when we thought the closing was going to be this week, I thought it was perfect timing-since we are off for Spring Break. I anticipated this week to be filled with packing and moving things out, followed by moving and unpacking my things back in!

However, this isn't most likely going to happen for another couple of weeks. Actually, it might be a good thing though. Since we are not yet in the middle of the "moving chaos", I am taking this week to just relax and do things that I like to do. I don't have a set "schedule" this week and it is a nice change from the regular routine. Of course, to me, the very BEST part is not having to hear the alarm clock ring this week!

(On a side note...I still do not sleep much, but this week I have been getting almost an extra hour each night and I am up to about 5-5 1/2 hours at a time! This is nothing less than a miracle for me! )

When the moving actually does take place, I've also decided that I am not going to drive myself crazy and try to get it all done in a compressed amount of time. Likewise, if I can't find my basic household goods right away, I will just work around that. For example, if I can't find the box with my dishes in it, I will use paper plates!

One thing I do know is that I want to "purge" things that I no longer want or need. This is going to be the perfect opportunity to do just that. Considering the fact that some of the boxes in storage contain things that I have NOT seen or used for more than 2 years, I should be able to downsize some of that stuff. I am thinking that a garage sale is on the horizon! Then, whatever does not go, will be donated to a local charity.

I also am realistic enough to know that when I do unpack my boxes, I am going to come across things that belonged to my husband and my Mom. I know there are going to be some triggers that will stir up my senses and my emotions, but I also realize that this is just another step in the grieving process. I just have to remind myself that I've made it this far and I just have to keep pressing forward.

So...I just thought I would say:

Happy Easter!
Happy Spring!
Happy, Happy Everything!
To all my PT Friends!

Until next time,

JKB

9 Comments

Good, Better, and Best News....finally!
by: JKB, 03-29-2009

As many of my PT friends already know, the past couple of years have been very challenging in my life. (For more specific details of these challenges, refer to my previous blog entries.) However, I finally have three pieces of news to share that fall into the categories of Good, Better, and Best News....finally!

The Good news is that my grandson was one of nine winners in our school's Science Fair this year. His project was about making Sugar Crystals and HE did the work himself! Needless to say, we are all very proud of him!

The Better news is that my grandson also won a persuasive writing contest sponsored by a local community supporting organization. The theme was "If I had $100, I would give it to _____ charity" and then he had to tell why. He opted to write about giving $100 to the hospice organization that took care of my Mom before she died. His essay was the one winning essay for the whole school! As a result, there was a special dinner where his essay was read aloud, along with a donation given to the hospice organization from the sponsoring organization.

Unfortunately, on the morning of the dinner, my grandson became ill in school, throwing up twice! At first, we thought he was just very nervous about reading his speech, but by noon, he was running a fever and could keep nothing in him all afternoon and all evening. Sadly, he missed the dinner, but our principal read his speech at the dinner and the hospice representative was there to receive the check as a result of my grandson's efforts. (Originally, my DD, SIL, and I were all going to attend the dinner, but when he got sick, DD and SIL opted to stay home with him, while I went to the dinner on his behalf.) When his speech was read, it was such a touching tribute to the hospice people, as well as a tender hearted memorial to both my husband and my Mom. I guess it comes as no surprise that my eyes welled up enough to make my mascara run!

And now for the BEST news.........(imagine a drum roll here! )

Much to our joy and happiness, my kids finally were able to come up with terms of agreement and purchase the house of their dreams!!! It has been a long time coming, with a series of heart aches and disappointments along the way......but now, it is truly happening. They will be closing on or around April 15th.

Their success in getting their own home will have a rippling affect on me, too. It has been more than 2 years since my husband and I moved out of our house to go and live with my mother when she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's Disease. At that time, my DD, SIL, and grandson moved into our house so it would be taken care of and not sit empty. When I lost both my husband and my mother, I continued living at my mother's house for the next 5-6 months, until my sister sold it.

At that time, I was resisting moving back into my own house. It just harbored so many memories of my husband's hard work at renovating it, that I just didn't think I could handle coming back. No matter how hard I tried to find another place to live, I kept running into roadblocks, until it got to the point where I had no other choice but to move back in with my kids.

Meanwhile, my kids were in the process of buying their own home last year, but everything that could go wrong in buying a house did go wrong for them! It has taken a full year to turn things around so that they could start the process all over again.

NOW........we are finally there! It is just a matter of getting all the paperwork completed. Once they move out, I will be able to move in all of my own household and personal possessions that have been kept in three storage units. There are about a million boxes, or so it seems.......and I have gotten to the point where I don't have a clue as to what I have or don't have.

The timing couldn't be more ideal.......as they will close when we are on our Spring Break! That will give us all a few days to try to move things from one place to another and try to sort things out.....or at least start sorting them out. If I can just get the basics together initially, I can work through the rest of the boxes on weekends and finish by the summer. This is also going to be a boost to my financial situation, since I will be eliminating the huge expense of paying for storage each month!

I know I will come across many things that will stir up my emotions, as I also have stored all of my husband's and my mother's personal belongings.....but I think that is all part of the process for me to finally feel "settled" for the first time in more than 2 years. I am also sure I will come across many things where I will wonder why I kept them in the first place! This will give me a chance to "purge" things that I have no use for and organize the things that I do want and/or need.

I can't tell you all, my PT friends, just how good it feels to be able to share some GREAT news for once! Often, over the past couple of years, it just seemed like I had very few positive things to share. Sometimes, I felt like I was doing nothing but "whining" and that truly is not my nature. Being the perpetual optimist, I typically carry my sorrows within, while wearing a smile on my face as I move through this world. Yet, here in my blog, I've had a tendency to "reveal" some of my saddest inner thoughts and feelings.

Now, I am just going to have to be careful not to "whine" too much about all the work that this major move is going to take!

I just know one thing for sure.....I have MUCH to be thankful for and I truly do have a major "attitude of gratitude".

Until next time,

JKB

24 Comments

The Answer Is....
by: JKB, 02-17-2009

As mentioned in previous threads on my blogs, my DD and SIL are attempting to buy their first home. After repeated disappointments last year when they tried to buy a house, they are trying again. They put a bid in on a home last week, after going through mortgage pre-approval and putting down a deposit. They've been waiting all week to hear whether or not their bid was accepted.....and the answer is........

....still uncertain! The bank that holds the deed to the house, because it is a foreclosure, reviewed their offer, and came back with a counter-proposal. In turn, my kids have made a counter offer to their counter-proposal. They are so close to seeing their dreams come true......but it all depends on what is finally accepted or not accepted.

So.......we are still "cautiously optimistic", until the final result is actually determined. I just keep hoping and praying that it will all work out and they can move forward with their dreams! It will be good for all of us. They need their place and their space. Meanwhile, I am just longing to feel "settled" for the first time in about 2 years! Once again.......we just have to wait and see what happens.

Until next time,
JKB

2 Comments

The Continuing Saga....
by: JKB, 02-13-2009

As I mentioned in my previous blog, my DD and SIL are trying once again to purchase their own home, after going through a horrendous ordeal last year.......so here's the continuing saga....

After looking around for a couple of weeks, my DD and SIL narrowed down their choices from 3 to 2 to 1. Last Saturday, they put an earnest money deposit down on the first choice, along with a bid.

The house they are trying to buy is a foreclosure. (It makes me sad to think how many people have faced this over the past couple of years!) It has been on the market for nearly a year now. In fact, when my DD and SIL were trying to buy a house last year, it was too expensive for their budget. However, over time, it has dropped lower and lower and lower, and now it is within their price range. (Honestly, I am surprised it hasn't sold by now-because it is a very nice house!)

At any rate, they said it could take 5-7 days, before my DD and SIL finds out if their bid was accepted, rejected, or countered. I am just hoping and praying that THIS time, it will all go through smoothly and quickly.

Meanwhile, I had to go and pay my storage unit bill today. Having 3 storage units at $130 each to pay on every month has been a struggle. If the kids get the house.........we will quickly go from 3 to 2 to 1.....and maybe by this summer, I won't need any at all! This will certainly be a boost to my budget!

As for now.......we are just hanging in there.......but I am truly hoping I will have some GREAT news to share soon!

Until next time,
JKB

8 Comments

Cautiously optimistic....
by: JKB, 02-09-2009

Lately, I've heard the words "cautiously optimistic" quite often. Our union is "cautiously optimistic" that our contract could be settled. My friend who teaches second grade is "cautiously optimistic" that a particular child in her classroom will be ready to go into 3rd grade next year. Being the perpetual optimist, I've pondered what that means really....and now I think I know.....

Since my blog chronicles many of the challenges that I've faced in the past 18 months, I won't rehash all the details. However, I'd like to "pick up" on the continuing saga of my housing situation.

Briefly.... last year, after I moved back into my home where my DD, SIL, and grandson had been living.....my kids were trying to buy their own home. They went through all the hoops......pre-approval for a mortgage, bidding on a house, putting down an earnest money deposit......the whole nine yards. Sadly, the loan officer that they were working with did more harm than good by unnecessarily making repeated inquiries on their credit score, to the point that it dropped 57 points and prohibited them from getting a mortgage for any amount from anyone. It was a major disappointment for all of us. They were eager to have their own home and I was eager to have a chance to try to "settle" down, after all I had experienced.

Well......they received sound financial advice from another loan officer and did what she told them to do to regain the lost points. This past week, they contacted their realtor and wanted to try to find their own home again. They went to a more trustworthy and experienced loan officer this time. Thankfully, they qualified and have been pre-approved again.

Last weekend and this weekend, we went out and looked at dozens of homes. They found 3 that they liked. They took the next step and put a bid and down payment on their most favorite one this evening. Now, it is a matter of finding out whether or not their bid will be accepted.

This is where the "cautiously optimistic" clause comes into my life. I am hopeful and optimistic that things will work out this time. It will be good for all of us. They are a young family and they need their own space. Likewise, virtually everything I own has been stored in 3 storage units for more than a year now. It would be nice to be able to finally "unpack" my things and try to get a sense of being "settled".

It would be the first time I've felt that way since my DH and I moved out of our house 2 years ago, so that we could move in to my Mom's house and care for her. Many of the boxes that were packed when we moved out in Jan. 06 have not been opened since then. Similarly, it would be nice to not have that monthly storage unit bill that I've been paying for more than a year!

I have to admit........the idea of moving everything and unpacking it is almost overwhelming, though. It is a blend of things that belonged to my Mom, my husband, and me. I am sure there are things that I don't even need mixed in with many essentials, such as furniture, dishes, pots and pans, etc. Heaven only knows how I am going to get everything moved and unpacked!

My DD and SIL keep telling me not to worry and they will help. However, if everything goes right, they are going to be busy setting up their new home.....and once again, the determined, independent inner soul of mine is screaming that I will not impose on anyone.....not even my kids....and I will somehow take care of things myself. I've been pondering how I will do it........but I keep reminding myself.........first things first.......we have to be assured that everything is going to work out this time.

Therefore, I will remain "cautiously optimistic".

Until next time,
JKB

8 Comments

I received a Marriage Proposal today!
by: JKB, 01-29-2009

As many of my PT friends know, a year and a half ago, I lost my husband. Less than 2 weeks later, I lost my mother, too. I've done all I can to try to cope with my losses and still press on. Some days have been more difficult than others. Today is a day that I will never forget though...

I received a Marriage Proposal today!

I think its only fair that I give a bit of background about "him", first. I've been seeing him regularly 4 or 5 times a week for the past 5 months. He has crystal blue eyes that would melt any woman's heart. He is kind, loving, and compassionate. Sometimes, he can be a bit silly and playful, but I think that's just his way of enjoying life.

At any rate, much to my surprise........he proposed marriage to me. You just can't imagine the expression on my face when he went down on his knees and asked for my hand in marriage. He promised me a lifetime of happiness.


OH......did I mention that the gentleman who proposed is an 8 year old in my class (which is why I've seen him so often over the past few months) and he wasn't actually suggesting that I marry HIM, but instead he was proposing for me to marry his DAD!

He said if I would marry his Dad, then I could be his MOTHER. Dad has full custody of both him and his little brother, and I have no idea where Mom is in the picture, other than the boys saw her for a couple of hours during the holidays! I've only met Dad once and that was at Parent Teacher Conferences back in November, for about 10 minutes! (Likewise, I should also note that there was NOTHING that attracted me to Dad, either!)

I think I should also add here that I've not even given thought to "dating" since I lost my husband and I don't know if I ever will. I have no idea what the future will bring, but there is nothing going on in my life that would even remotely suggest that I would be thinking about marriage at this time.

So, as heart felt as this gentleman's proposal was, I had to gracefully decline the offer. However, I am sure that I will remember this day for the rest of my life!

Until next time...

JKB

5 Comments

Silent Night...
by: JKB, 12-28-2008

It is nearly 5:00 AM-the wee hours of Christmas morning...and it truly is a Silent night. I should be asleep, but I just can't seem to "turn my brain off"....

In my previous post, I mentioned how I feel it is wonderful to reflect on the past.....and I've spent the past few hours doing just that.

My thoughts have drifted to different Christmases that I've had in my lifetime. I recall the splendor and magic that my parents provided for my two sisters and I when we were children. My parents worked hard their entire lives and never had a lot for themselves, but they always did all they could to give us special times that are still special memories to me.


Then, I've thought about the times when my own children were young. Their father (my first husband) typically did not share in the Christmas spirit, so everything was up to me. I did all the decorating, baking, shopping, wrapping, etc. etc. etc. In fact, there were many Christmas mornings when he would not even go into the living room and enjoy the kids opening their gifts! (He preferred staying in the family room to watch TV.)


I'll never forget the year when 3 of our Christmas stockings were stuffed, while one remained empty (mine), because it was the one thing he said he would do that year.......fill it, but he didn't. As if that wasn't difficult enough, I remember my children (aged 4 and 7 at the time) asking me if I was a "bad mother", because Santa didn't bring me anything. Quickly, I responded by telling them that I told Santa that I had the greatest gift by sharing the joy of my children and I didn't need my stocking to be filled that year. However, inside, my heart was shattered. I didn't care about the empty stocking...there were many Christmases when I was married to my first husband where there was nothing under the tree for me, even though there were always gifts for my children and their father. But I was so hurt that my children thought the reason why was because I was "bad".


Then, there were the more recent Christmases......those I shared with my second husband. Oh, how he loved the holidays! He was involved in everything....decorating, cooking, baking, shopping, wrapping...we did everything for the holidays together! Some years were more lean than others, but it didn't matter. The joy we experienced together was beyond description.

Last year was the first Christmas after I lost both my husband and my Mom. My mom was the 'glue' that held my extended family together. Prior to her passing, every single Christmas Eve throughout my whole life, we have ALWAYS had an extended family celebration. There always was a magnificient dinner, because everyone brought enough food to feed an army. There were stacks of gifts beyond belief, because everyone bought something for everyone.

Last year, we trimmed it down a bit. While we all managed to get together and have dinner, we opted to "draw" names. In my eyes, it was wonderful in so many ways. First of all, I was able to really think about the person I was shopping for and try to find a gift that person would love to have. Likewise, I thought it was "humbling" for the children, because they learned that there was more to Christmas then just receiving a stack of toys. Needless to say, it didn't create any unnecessary financial drains on anyone, either.

This year was the first year in my life that I did not spend Christmas Eve with my extended family. It is a bittersweet feeling for me. It all started when my sister suggested that everyone buy a $20 gift card and throw it in a bowl...then everyone would draw one out and that would be their gift. I thought that was ridiculous! To me, there was no thought or feeling behind it. In essence, you could say that I rebelled, because I wasn't receptive to the idea. The next thing I knew, I got a message from my sister and she said "they" (whoever THEY are???) decided we would not have dinner and exchange gifts, but I was welcome to come to her house for punch and cookies when "they" got home from church. ("They" like to go to the early service, while I prefer the later one.)

In essence, that was the cue that it was time to start some "new" traditions. I decided that instead of trying to "fit" into her agenda, I would create my own. First, I had my own children and my one grandson together here at my house. We had a wonderful dinner and then exchanged gifts. It was small, quaint, and much more relaxed. Knowing that my son and his girlfriend were going to spend Christmas Day with his father's family and my daughter, son-in-law, and grandson were going to my SIL parents' home, I realized this was the ONLY time I could have with my own children and I decided I wanted to cherish it.

Meanwhile, my 2 sisters and I are going out to dinner together next week, just the 3 of us, and I think that will be good, too.

So, that brings me to the "wee hours" of this Christmas morning. The time spent with my kids this past evening was wonderful. I have no regrets for starting a new tradition this year.

Yet, I've spent the last few hours with tear filled eyes. It all started when my daughter was looking for a blank video tape, so she could record Christmas morning with my grandson. In doing so, we started to watch videos from past Christmases when he was just a toddler. It was delightful to see him as a little guy! However, included in the videos, there was my husband and my Mom, too. While it was wonderful to see them both full of life, joy, and laughter, it also is a painful reminder that they have passed on. That's when my tears began.

Just when I think I am doing okay, I once again feel my knees buckle under me. I've been "conditioning" myself to the fact that I will be alone on Christmas Day this year, just as I was last year. I have reminded myself over and over again that I made it through last Christmas and somehow, I will make it through this Christmas, too.

One thing that truly helps is to recall all the wonderful people who have touched my life....and that includes my PT friends. There is comfort in knowing that I can come here and share my thoughts, regardless of the time of day-or during the "silent night". Even though we've never met face to face, I feel very close to so many of you! Having said that......I'd like to wish all of you a very
Joyous and Merry Christmas to You and Yours!
Until next time,
JKB

13 Comments

Alphabet Soup for Teachers
by: JKB, 12-21-2008

There are so many acronyms in the educational world! We’ve all heard them over and over again…ADHD, AYP, CI, GLCE, ESL, EI, GLCE, IEP, KWL, LD, MEAP, NCLB, ODD, POHI, and SAT are just a few. If we mixed them altogether, it would look more like a bowl of alphabet soup!

Currently, my most favorite one is the 3Rs: rigorous, relevant, and relational. Somewhere, along the line, these three words were put together to describe how today’s educators need to teach, if we are going to help our students reach their maximum potential. (I guess we have come away from the traditional “readin’, ‘ritin’, and ‘rithmetic”!)

Yet, long before the 3Rs became educational “buzz words”, I believe that teachers have been doing these things for years! I don’t ever remember a time when teaching wasn’t “rigorous”-both for the teachers and the students. Throughout my 16 years of teaching, we’ve always had a curriculum we implemented-whether the material was grade and age level appropriate or not.

Similarly, I cannot ever recall teaching something that was not “relevant”. Each theme, topic, and lesson has been pertinent to our curriculum. There never was any time for things that were not relevant! On the contrary, it seems like teachers are constantly given more and more to include, with nothing being reduced or eliminated.

Likewise, how is it possible to spend 5 days a week with a classroom full of children, without building relationships? For many students, they spend more of their hours when they are awake with their teachers, rather than their parents-at least Monday through Friday. Teachers know their strengths and their weaknesses. Teachers can easily identify how they are feeling: happy, sad, mad, scared, or becoming ill, etc.

I could go on and on…..But, instead, I’d like to suggest three different R's to all my PT friends this Holiday season! (Think of it as Holiday Alphabet Soup!)

Relax-(Present)

We’ve been working hard all year and I hope this holiday season will allow all of us to take some time to rejuvenate ourselves. When we recharge ourselves, we are able to accomplish so much more, compared to when we are weary.

Reflect-(Past)

Sometimes we are so busy with the demands of each day, that we often have very little time to relish cherished memories from days gone by. Yet, when we do take the time to remember, it gives us a keener sense of who we are, where we’ve been, and hopefully gain greater understanding of where we are going.

Regroup-(Future)

In order to press on into the days yet to come, it is helpful sometimes to reorganize things so that we can function more effectively.

Wishing all of you, my PT friends, a Merry Christmas and a Wonderful New Year!

My best,
JKB

3 Comments

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly...
by: JKB, 11-27-2008

I just couldn't resist "borrowing" Clint Eastwood's movie title for this blog entry...it just sums things up so well!

The Good

It's Thanksgiving break....finally! I've been fighting a cold all week, and was counting down the days until I could get some extra rest.

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, and once again I am reminded of just how many things I am thankful for. I've thought a lot about "echoes" from Thanksgiving celebrations in the past and I have so many cherished memories.

This year is going to be what I am calling a "quiet" Thanksgiving, as I will spend the day alone. For some people that might sound terrible.....and in days gone by, I would have been upset if ANYONE I knew had to spend Thanksgiving alone. But, basically it was my decision. I had been invited to go to my niece's home, but she lives 5 hours away, and I just didn't feel up to making the trip this year.

My kids are adults now and they were invited to go to their Aunt's house for dinner (my ex-husband's sister). Before accepting their Aunt's invitation, they were worried about me being alone. However, I am so determined NOT to allow my kids "plan" their lives around me. On the contrary, I encouraged them to go and see their Aunt! The way I look at it...I put every ounce I had into raising them to be independent adults and I will continue to promote that. Of course, I got the typical "but Mom, what will you do?", and with that I simply replied "I'm a big girl and can take care of myself."

If my cold doesn't have me down for the day, I will venture out to a local restaurant and have my own "quiet" Thanksgiving dinner. On the otherhand, if I still feel lousy, I might choose to stay home and feast on chicken noodle soup.

Either way, I will spend some time thinking about Thanksgivings from days gone by......and I will think about how much I have to be thankful for. To me........this will all be good.

The Bad

As I've mentioned in previous blogs, I have two sisters. I am closer to one than I am the other and that probably boils down to the fact that my eldest sister and I have similar perspectives and temperments. That's not to say that I don't love or care about my middle sister, but we are just "irregular" people to each other, and I've learned to accept that.

Well, my middle sister came up with this "brilliant" idea for Christmas Eve this year...but first let me give a little bit of a background to it all. Before my husband and my Mom passed away, we used to buy gifts for every single person in the family. As the family grew, that became a strain on several of us. Last year, we altered the plan and everyone drew a name. This worked out well. I felt like it taught the children that Christmas wasn't all about how many gifts they received. I also felt like each one of us gave careful consideration for the ONE person we were choosing a gift for.

When Christmas Eve rolled around, we had a family style dinner-everyone brought a dish. Then, when we exchanged gifts, it just felt so much more personal, since we did think long and hard about what to give.

Okay.....I think you have the idea.......so now I will fast forward to THIS upcoming Christmas Eve. My middle sister thought it would be a great idea if each of us went to a store of our choice and purchase a $20 gift card. Then, we could toss all the cards into a bowl, and everyone could draw one!

Okay......maybe I am slanted in my opinion....but to me....this is just down right ludicrous!!! My first question is........why bother??? Hey, what if somebody gets a gift card from a store that they don't often shop at.........do they get to trade? Why not make it easier....and everyone just toss in a $20 bill, and then draw one out. I wonder what the chances would be that I drew my own $20 back.

Similarly, she thought it would be a better idea if we didn't bother having a family dinner.......maybe finger foods or cookies and pie. Once again, I am slanted in my opinion.....but to me, the part I cherished the most was sitting down and having a meal with my extended family. It's rare that we can all be together at the same time, since everyone seems to be somewhat spread out.

No matter how I size it up....it just comes out "bad" in my eyes. Perhaps, this should be the year that we just don't have an extended family dinner. Maybe I am coming across as a renegade, but from where I am sitting, my sister is in favor of an extended family gathering, just to say we had one. There just doesn't seem to be any thought or feeling into it......so I am a centimeter away of saying "why bother?"

The Ugly

First of all, let me preface this part, by saying I LOVE teaching! It is one of the few things that I am enthusiastic about these days.

However, there is a growing amount of tension and disharmony in our district. Four out of the last 5 years, we have not started the school year with a contract. The last contract we had came in year 3 of this 5 year span. It covered the 2 previous years with a 0% raise and the 3rd year with 1.75%.

Now, we did not have a contract last year and we still don't have one this year. Teachers are growing weary of it all. Since we are unionized, we've gone through all the steps that the union has asked us to do. We've picketed before school-rain, sleet, snow, etc. We've also picketed before board meetings. We've attended Board Meetings in droves. We've expressed our concerns and our hopes to reach a settlement that will not only be good for us, but for the district, at large. After all, it is our contract language that limits class sizes, etc. Without it, they could give us any number of students!

As the tension increases, now people are not as willing to do all the things that we have always done. What makes it worse is that there are teachers who are starting to frown on other teachers for putting up a bulletin board or planning a field trip. Needless to say, this does not promote harmony amongst the staff, but instead fragments us even more.

For the past 12 years, I have been working on our District School Improvement Team...simply because I was interested and wanted to help. Now, I'm being told NOT to participate, until a contract is settled.

Similarly, our entire curriculum has changed from the State level. The antiquated textbooks that I have for both Science and Social Studies do not cover one single GLCE, as outlined by the state. The District offered to set up curriculum teams to find materials that would be both grade and age level appropriate. They offered to provide us with substitute teachers and give us school business days for this purpose. I've worked on curriculum before and I really enjoyed it. However, once again.....I'm told NOT to participate! Yet, I can't help but feel like we are going to "cut off our noses, despite our faces", if we don't participate. Instead, they will hand us a text or a curriculum guide and say "do it!", whether or not it is grade and age level appropriate.

The greatest amount of tension seems to be growing between elementary and secondary teachers. Many of the secondary teachers do not put a lot of effort in preparing their classrooms, putting up bulletin boards, etc. Many of them teach multiple sections of the same subject, so they have fewer lesson plans and preparations to make. They would like us to "work to rule", where we go in at the exact time we are supposed to and leave at the exact minute our old contract specified. Furthermore, they don't want us to take anything home. I would be REALLY sunk there! I bring things home every single day!!! At any rate, the secondary teachers do not want the elementary teachers to do one iota of anything they "feel" is not necessary, but would any ONE of the sport coaches agree to STOP coaching football, basketball, or any other sport and say we are NOT going to have any games until there is a contract???? The pure and simple answer to that question is NO!

Whatever happened to "doing what is good" for the kids??? I guess the elementary kids shouldn't have anything to look forward to.....but the secondary kids can have ALL their teacher chaperoned activities.......and that is ok.

Adding Insult to Injury

To make matters even more complicated...I'm stretching my finances to the limits. First of all, when my husband died, suddenly I went from a married status to a single status for tax purposes. I changed my payroll deduction to accomodate this change, but the result is that I now bring home 20% less than I did before he died. Due to a pre-existing heart condition, he was denied life insurance, so in a twinkling I went from dual income and dual financial responsibility to single income and still dual financial responsibility.

Then, I received a notice from my mortgage company that they are going to RAISE my house payment $85.00 a month, beginning in January. Now, if I had an escrow shortage, I could understand it. However, once they pay my December taxes, all my escrow bills will be paid up until next August and my escrow account will have $1700 in overage! Why do they need to take another $1,000 next year? (I'm waiting for them to pay my December taxes, and then I am going to be inquiring more on this one.) Do they expect my house to increase in value so dramatically in the next few months, that I am going to have to pay $2700 more a year in taxes??? ( I find that HIGHLY unlikely, with our economy being so hard pressed right now-particularly in the housing industry.)

To add to the mix......(back to the contract negotiations).....the district would like to put a "cap" on our health insurance....and it varies according to your status. For those with a family, they would have to pay about $2,500 a year; for those who are married, but do not have children, they would have to pay $5,000 a year, and for single, unmarried people like me.........$7500. Now, where is the equity in that???

Finally, both of my sisters are teachers and we all are at "master's max" levels. We teach in 3 separate school districts in the same county. One of my sisters makes $9,000 more per year than I do........and the other one makes $13,000 more a year than I do. When I started teaching, we were all within a couple of hundred dollars of each other in terms of our salary. I just don't understand why their districts can afford to pay their health insurance and give them moderate raises over time, but my district can't. (Oh, did I mention that my district has a "slush" fund of nearly $3 million dollars-which is far more than adequate to offer us a decent contract and still have some money in the bank!)

Putting it Back Into Perspective

In view of the "good, the bad, and the ugly", while things are NOT ideal in several areas......once again, I am reminded of how much I have to be Thankful for.......and maybe I just needed to vent a little.

I'm hoping to spend some time this weekend planning what I will do at school in December that will make it exciting for my children, but not have any of my fellow teachers look at me like I am "going too far above and beyond the call of duty!"

Here's hoping that all of my PT friends have a spectacular Thanksgiving!

Until next time,
JKB

3 Comments

We just never know....
by: JKB, 10-21-2008

Today, I attended a Bridal Shower. Typically, this is a common celebration. However, this particular shower was special because the bride-to-be was in my class the first year that I taught 3rd Grade!

Throughout the years, she was one of those few students who always came back to "visit" from time to time. I've watched her grow up from a sparkling child to a beautiful young woman. When she entered college, she was unsure what she wanted to study. She came to me and asked for advice. The best I could tell her was to find something that she LOVES to do and be willing to do whole-heartedly! Then she considered going into teaching, so she asked if she could come and volunteer in my classroom to see if that was what she wanted to do. After just a few weeks, she decided to major in Education.

Meanwhile, when she first started dating her fiancee, she brought him to school to meet me. (Secretly, she told me she thought "he was THE one for her...but she wanted to take time for them to really get to know each other.") Several months later, they came to tell me they were engaged. I can't tell you how happy I was to hear their good news!

Their future looks so bright and promising. She will be pursuing a teaching career. Her future husband graduated last year and is a chiropractor.

At any rate, a few weeks ago, when I received the shower invitation, I felt so blessed to be included on their guest list. When I arrived at the shower today, both of them came to welcome me. Later, when they were opening their gifts and they got to mine, the lovely bride said "This is from Mrs. B-the best teacher in the world!" As if that was not enough to touch my heart, she proceeded to say...."Mrs. B....YOU have been my INSPIRATION ever since I was 8 years old and I am so blessed to have you in my life!" As she spoke, her eyes welled up with tears.....and guess what.........so did mine! To magnify the emotions of the moment-there were a number of my other former students (and their mothers), and they all applauded. I felt so honored and blessed.

Once again, I am reminded that we might not always know what paths our students take as they move forward in their lives....but we just never know what kind of affect we have on our children's lives......not just when they sit in our classrooms.....but sometimes for a number of years after they move forward.

Until next time,
JKB

9 Comments

Ready or not...
by: JKB, 10-14-2008

Tomorrow will be the first day of the MEAP test for Michigan students. Ready or not....here it comes!

We've been in school long enough that I can already hypothesize how each of my students will perform on this state level test. My children have such a wide range of abilities. In my classroom alone, 13 out of 25 of my students are reading below grade level. Similarly, 12 out of 25 are below grade level in math. Guess which ones will have proficient scores?

Even though we did review the GLCEs in September, I don't have a magic wand that I can wave over their heads, so that suddenly they are all on target.

One advantage of having the test in October is that after next week, we can finally move forward with our curriculum. I'm looking forward to that.

Until next time,

JKB

2 Comments

Poll-How many hours do you work beyond the school day?
by: JKB, 09-24-2008

Today was one of those "nonstop" days! After teaching all day, I came home and have been working on school related projects for hours! I've checked papers, prepared for a Science experiment, gathered materials for a special project....the list goes on and on. I just can't help but wonder.......how many hours do other teachers work beyond the school day?

For me......I can't imagine having any other career. No matter where I am, what I am doing, or what I see......somehow my mind begins to think how I can relate things to my classroom. I truly love what I do. I also find it pleasurable to discover new ideas, whether it is through PT, surfing the Internet, reading books, etc.

However, right now, there is a lot of tension in our district. For 4 out of the past 5 years, we started school without a contract. There is a growing level of disharmony and the union is asking teachers to start to reduce the amount of things that we do that go above and beyond the work day. This saddens me...yet, I do believe that we should have fair compensation.

At one time, our district was comparative to all the other districts in our county. Now, we've dropped to the lowest, especially taking 0% raises two years in a row for the first two years of this time span, with a meager increase the 3rd year. Both last year and so far this year, we are without a contract. (We were offered 0% for last year, though!) Meanwhile, both my sisters teach in the same county. All three of us are at Master's Max. One sister now makes $9,000 more than I do and the other one makes $11,000 more. All three of the districts we work in receive state funding. I'm baffled as to how the other districts can manage to gradually increase the salaries of their teachers, but my district can't.....or is it won't? Currently, our district has approximately $3 million dollars of unappropriated funds leftover from just this past year. I can understand having a "rainy day" fund, but how much is needed before the teachers are recognized for their hard work?

I understand the economy is tough. It is equally tough for me. I pay the same amount at the gas station and the grocery store as everyone else. My taxes and insurance have increased, even if my salary has not.....I could go on and on.

Yet.....this brings me back to my original question. How many hours do you work beyond the school day? I tend to work many extra hours throughout the week and I'm trying to figure out what I can "reduce" and still meet my own standards of trying to provide my students with a quality education.

I would really love to hear how my PT friends respond to this one.

Thanks in advance!

JKB

4 Comments

Is Timmy in your class?
by: JKB, 09-27-2008

I have a child in my class......let's call him Timmy (but of course, it is not his real name!) Timmy is a charming little guy....wears a big smile most of the time. But, Timmy is a Master in the Art of Avoidance!

Timmy is the child who rarely completes an assignment. Instead, he's "busy"........going to the restroom, getting a drink of water, looking for his pencil and sharpening it a dozen times with his little personal pencil sharpener. Timmy is very creative and loves to color, cut, paste, and create his own projects every chance he gets.

Whenever I tell the class to take out a book, Timmy can't seem to find his.....because there is so much paper stuffed in his desk that even a road map wouldn't help him locate it. Timmy's desk is located next to my table, so he is in close proximity. Typically, I tell the children, "we are going to switch gears in 5 minutes and move on to Science, etc." MOST of my class seems to transition in moderation.......but we are always waiting for Timmy. (I've even tried to tell Timmy AHEAD of everyone else what book we will need next, but that doesn't seem to phase him.)

When I give whole group instruction, I do examples on the overhead, using problems directly from their papers. We talk about them and I answer questions. Yet, when it is time for the children to do independent practice, Timmy is clueless about what he should be doing. I've tried practices such as asking Timmy to read directions out loud to the class, talk to your partner about what you are supposed to do and raise your hand if both of you are unsure.......etc. etc. etc.

I always walk around my room to see how my children are doing-helping as needed. By the time I circulate to Timmy's desk....it is like starting all over again. While everyone else is on task, I always have to explain things to Timmy again.....because when I teach, he can look straight at me and "tune me out" at the same time. Once I get him started, he will begin his work....but the minute I walk away to help another child.....Timmy is done working and back to creating! (As long as Timmy has access to scissors, crayons, and paper......he can easily keep himself occupied doing anything other than the task at hand.) I've even "moved" Timmy's creative supplies to another table, telling him he can use them after he completes his work, etc. Even that has not helped... because now he is Mastering the Art of at Daydreaming.

In an effort to help ALL my children find academic success, each week, I send home a Weekly Progress Report. I list test and quiz scores on it, as well as any missing assignments. I have the parents sign it and send it back the next day. Timmy always has missing assignments and his mother always signs his Weekly Progress Report.....but she never follows through on getting him to complete his missing work. I have taken papers out of his desk and sent them home with a note telling his mother that Timmy needs to complete them and return them to school. I've even requested that she signs and returns my note....which she does do....yet.....I never get any of the missing assignments back.

I found out just today that his second grade teacher tried "encouraging" him to do his work, by offering him a prize out of the prize box, if he would do ONE page and bring it back the next day. He never earned that prize throughout the whole year. She tried talking to Mom, but nothing changed.

I've already tried calling Mom, too, but she never answers my calls.....and never returns my messages.

Mom's lack of involvement is no surprise to me, though. I had Timmy's sister two years ago and it was the same scenario only with a female child in the student role. The only time I heard from Mom that year was when Timmy's sister got an E on her report card, due to missing assignments in Problem Solving. We had 10 Weekly Problem Solving activities one quarter. The child scored 100% on 5 of them and didn't do the other 5. (All these missing assignments were on her weekly progress report that Mom signed, but none of them were ever completed and turned in.) When I averaged her grades, it was 50%, and Mom was angry with me for not giving her daughter a better grade, since she did have 5 A+ scores. She told me I was "unfair" and I was treating these kids like they were in college!

Timmy is a challenge, but often I feel like the greater challenge is Timmy's mother. I just wish she would work cooperatively with me, so that Timmy could find more success.

How do you work with the Timmy in your class???

Until next time,
JKB

9 Comments

1 Attachment(s) Math Learning Logs
by: JKB, 09-17-2008

In my last blog entry, I mentioned how my students did very well with Place Value activities that included math manipulatives and technology. However, when it came to applying that knowledge to pencil and paper activities, they were puzzled. Now, I've decided that I am going to try using Math Learning Logs-similar to Interactive Notebooks.

First of all, I typed up a table of math vocabulary terms that are used with place value. (I will attach it.) My plan is to run copies of it and have my children glue it into a Spiral Notebook on one side of the spiral. Then, on the opposite side, I am going to have them select a 6 digit number and write it in standard form, expanded form, and word form.

Another activity that we do each day is "Problem of the Day". I will have my children copy the problem down and solve it in their Math Learning Logs. The following day, we will discuss it.

I also try to incorporate Trade books with my math instruction. For example, I just read "How Much Is A Million?" to go along with place value. I think I will have the children record the title of the book, the author, and a brief summary as to what the book is about.

My wheels are turning on this one......but somehow, I have to get my kids to take their hands-on and technological activities and be able to apply and synthesize that information to paper.

Does anyone else use Math Notebooks? Would LOVE to hear more ideas for them!

My best,
JKB

PS-I also made a Place Value display board, similar to the one that I included in a previous blog. I used it with several of my students when they were puzzled by the pencil and paper activity and it helped.

6 Comments

From Hands On to Paper/Pencil
by: JKB, 09-14-2008

Typically, I begin my yearly math instruction with Place Value. I've had the greatest success when I have integrated several hands-on activities, prior to doing paper and pencil responses. So what happened this year???

I have a variety of math manipulatives-some purchased and others I've created myself. To start my instruction on Place value, I use place value cubes(1), rods(10), flats(100), and blocks(1,000). My children work in teams and I write a number in standard form on the board. Then, they use the place value blocks to model the number. It was very successful. Next, I used place value stampers and the kids "stamped" their models on paper......again, all went well.

Next, I use games such as "I have 91, who has 3 hundreds, 4 tens, and 2 ones", etc. The kids loved it and were right on target!

From there, I gave the kids place value charts that I made and laminated. Using dry erase markers, I would write a number in words and they would fill it in on their charts. Again......so far, so good!

I introduced expanded form such as 50,000 + 7,000 + 300 + 20 + 5. We looked at different approaches for getting the standard form, either by adding or filling in the place value charts. This took a little longer, but we conquered it........or so I thought.

We've been to the computer lab twice to play online Place Value games and the kids were doing well.

Today, I gave each child a ziplock bag that has laminated numbers and elbow macaroni for commas. Then, on my TV, I projected my computer screen. I presented numbers in a variety of formats, included place value, word form, and expanded form. The children used the laminated numbers and the macaroni to model the numbers in standard form. I roamed around the room between each number and helped, as needed. After plenty of practice.....I finally felt like they were ready for a worksheet that required the same skills, only using pencil and paper.

I've been using this approach for years and have had wonderful success. However, today, my children looked at the paper/pencil activity as if it was written in a foreign language! (This was immediately following the card game activity.) The irony of it was that when so many looked puzzled, I typed the first problem on my computer and then they got it!

I love technology and I love hands on activities, but for the first time, I wonder why there is such a gap from taking the same activities to paper and pencil. Are my children so technologically inclined that they are evolving away from pencil and paper? When we do hands-on activities, do they think of it more as "play" and not see a connection to a worksheet?

One of the problems that my children have to face is our State Standardized test in October. They won't have the manipulatives and technological support that I provide them during classroom practice. Instead, they will have to respond to a paper/pencil test!

Has anyone else experienced this?

JKB

1 Comments

From Ready or Not ... to Icebreakers
by: JKB, 09-13-2008

I've spent hours preparing my classroom this past week, but like every year, I always think "I wish I had more time, because I could have done this or that!" Ready or not...the kids are coming on Tuesday!

Once again, we are starting the new year without a contract. This has been the case in 4 out of the last 5 years! During this 5 year span, we started the first 2 years without a contract. The third year, we had a 3-year contract that covered the two previous years and that year only. The 4th year, we didn't have a contract, and now in the 5th year, we still don't. As a result, the union "encouraged" us not to go into set up our classrooms until 2 days before our official starting day. Normally, I am in and out of the building for about 2 weeks before school starts.......so I felt like I had very little time to get a lot done.

To add to the mix, this is the first year that I didn't have the help that I have had in the past. In days gone by, when my husband was well, he used to come in and build things for me, such as shelves, a computer center, etc. He was very artistic and helped put up bulletin boards, rearrange furniture, etc. While I was always grateful, I didn't realize just how precious those times were until now. Last year, my daughter came and helped me organize things. This year, however, she had to work and was understandably unavailable.

There are six classrooms in my unit. All of the other 5 teachers had family and/or friends giving them a helping hand. Once again, I was faced with the reality that I am alone. For some, that thought might slow a person down, but for me, it made me push myself even more to get as much done as I possibly could! I knew that whatever preparations that were going to be accomplished were proportional to my own efforts. (If it is to be......it's up to me!)

So, my room is as ready as it is going to be. It is clean and presentable. Anything else that needs to be done will now be done before or after school in the days to come...and like most other teachers I know....THAT is a never-ending story!

Now....I just have to make some lesson plans for the first week of school! Even though this will be my 16th year of teaching, I always wonder how I'm going to start the new year to get the ball rolling!

I've been reading through my collection of "Ice Breaker" activities. Some I like more than others.....but I am always looking for more "new" ideas!

Question to my PT friends......what is YOUR favorite ice breaker activity?

Until next time,
JKB

PS-On a personal note, I mentioned 3 or 4 weeks ago that I was going to travel 500 miles to see my husband's family for the first time since he died. I made the trip and it was every bit as emotional as I thought it would be.

The saddest part though....was that I only saw my mother-in-law for a total of 2 minutes the whole time I was there! When I went to visit at our planned time, she was very ill. Within minutes of my arrival, she requested to go to the hospital and an ambulance was called. I saw her as they put her in the ambulance......and that was it. She had some kind of infection and I was not allowed to visit her until the doctors knew if it was contagious or not. I spent most of my time visiting with my father-in-law while we were sitting in hospital waiting rooms.

When it was time for me to return home, I was really torn about leaving. My father-in-law kept telling me that I better go and do what I needed to do, but I hated leaving him to handle this all by himself. However, I knew I had to get things ready for school and I knew that I couldn't be much help there when I couldn't even go and see her! Reluctantly, I came home.

Since I've been back home, I've talked to my father-in-law multiple times each day. (Now that my husband and his only brother both have died, I'm the only one left in this generation of the family tree......even if it is only through marriage!) Fortunately, our prayers are being answered and she is now starting to slowly show signs of recovering, even though it was "touch and go" for awhile. I was so afraid that we might have to endure another family funeral again and I am so THANKFUL that she is improving.

4 Comments

2 Attachment(s) Display Board Pictures
by: JKB, 08-14-2008

One of the things I've been working on this summer is making display boards to use in my classroom. Since I have limited bulletin board space, this was my solution.

I've made display boards for all subjects. I've made word wall display boards for each of the 6 Units in my basal Reading book. I've made math boards, science boards, writing boards, and social studies boards.

The best part is that I can stand them up on a table for my children to see and then put them away for the following year when I am done with them. In this way, they are more advantageous than bulletin boards, because I can re-use them.

I'm attaching sample pictures from the one I made about Core Democratic Values, so that I can share them with my PT friends.

Likewise....I'm always open for new suggestions for boards! If you have any great ideas or favorite bulletin boards, please share them!

Until next time,
JKB

5 Comments

Twenty Questions.....
by: JKB, 08-04-2008

It seems like each year, when I turn the page of my calendar to August, my mind instantly starts playing "20 Questions"...

Here's TODAY'S list.......

Questions for the new school year:

1. Am I going to use a new theme this year, or keep the one I used last year? (Last year: Be like a Detective in School!)

2. Will I arrange my classroom the same way I did last year, or will I change it. If I am going to change it.....how will it be?

3. This year, I'll be following new State level GLCEs for both Science and Social Studies. I will have no text and no teaching materials for either one. Intermittenly, throughout the summer, I've browsed for some grade level and age level appropriate materials, but now how much time is it going to take to pull it together?

4. I've been playing around with creating an Interactive Notebook for both Science and Social Studies. I have some ideas ready to go, but there are so many things yet to do. How far will I get on these projects, before school starts?

5. Our district is without a contract, so our Union does not want us to go into school until 2 days before we technically have to be there. It usually takes me 2 weeks to set up. Can I do it in 2 days???

6. Will we get a contract settlement? Without a contract, there is a tone of disharmony within the district and it is so uncomfortable!

7. I've been buying school supplies that have been on sale, but do I have everything I need?

8. Can I come up with a solution to conquer the "coat rack" clutter? It is something that drives me crazy! We have a shelf that is mounted on the wall and there are hooks under it. There aren't enough hooks to hold all of my children's backpacks, jackets, etc. They try to hang them neatly, but invariably many are on the floor within the first hour of school. It is a constant battle. I've tried using large tubs for backpacks, but to no avail. I've thought about buying cubicle shelves, but not sure if there is enough room to store backpacks. I know the ones with wheels on them won't fit!

9. Can I find my box that holds all the items I put in my students' Math Tool Boxes? This box is located in ONE of my 3 storage units, but not sure which one! (Last year, I found the tool boxes, but not the things for inside. As a result, I worked without them...but I sure did miss them!)

10. Can I get to the Teacher's Resource Center soon to laminate the things I've gathered this summer?

11. Am I going to have time to make any more display boards, before school starts? (I've been using tri-fold Science Fair boards and putting bulletin board displays on them. This way, I can have them out on a table, as needed, and then put them away for the following year.)

12. I've been making my annual lists of all the things relating to starting a new school year. Have I forgotten anything?



On the home front:

13. I have a stackable washer/dryer set. They are old and the dryer quit working. I found that it was going to cost way too much to fix it. Throughout the summer, I've been hanging my clothes outside. However, there won't be as much time to do that in the fall when school starts. I've been trying to save enough money to buy a new set. Will I reach that goal or will I be spending time at the local laundrymat each week?

14. After months of being in storage, I finally managed to get to some of the boxes that held my clothes. (I've been living with the bare essentials for so long!) Now that I have them home, I've been going through them....only to realize that since I've lost some weight and dropped down 2 sizes, many of them need to go in a Goodwill Bag to be donated. Will I have the time/energy/effort and money to get a few new pieces before school starts?

15. I am tentatively planning on going to see my husband's family in a couple of weeks. It has been over a year since I have seen them and it will be the first time since my husband died. They live 500 miles away and I will be driving there alone. Can I handle the emotions that I am sure I will be facing?

16. How long will it take for my kids' credit score to go up 6 points, so that they can get their own home? They have been working on this for so long and I am hoping and praying something pans out for them. (The drop was through no fault of their own.....but instead due to errors on the part of a mortgage loan officer who they thought was helping them get their first mortgage.)

17. Can I keep in mind that even though the TV, the sale papers, and signs in every store keep announcing "back to school", that there is still some summertime left.....and there is still time to do some relaxing things before I start my work routine? What would I REALLY like to do?

18. In an effort to "feel good about myself", I recently had my hair highlighted for the first time. (My natural color is dark brown, but the gray keeps trying to creep in!) To be on the "safe" side, I didn't make an extremely dramatic change......now it is dark brown with caramel highlights. However, I'm starting to feel more "bold" and might put some blonde streaks into it, too. Should I do that?

19. I need to get the "courage" up to make a dentist appointment. I can't express how much I DREAD going to the dentist....a shadow of horror stories when I was a child still have an impact on me! When am I going to brace myself and go???

And finally....

20. How many more questions am I going to ask myself today?

Out of curiosity, is there anyone else out there who plays 20 questions with themselves in August? If so.......what do YOU ask yourself?

I think I'll go work on something, just to cut down my question list, before it becomes insurmountable!

Until next time.....

JKB

4 Comments

The round peg in the square hole...
by: JKB, 08-14-2008

With everything that has happened this past year, I sometimes feel like I am the round peg in the square hole.

Exactly one year ago today, my whole world turned upside down, when my husband died. I've tried to cope with the heartache that has followed. I've participated in grief seminars. I've read inspirational books and I have used every ounce of inner strength I can muster to hold my head up high, even when I felt shattered inside. I've pushed myself to do things, even when I felt like I wanted to just wanted to hide from the world.

Needless to say, today was another rough one. I spent some time at church by myself-nobody else in the building and I did a lot of thinking and reflecting. I shed an ocean of tears and it was good for my heart to release some of the emotions that I have been holding inside. That's when I came to realize that with all the changes that have and have not happened, I am really struggling to redefine my world and figure out where I fit in.

One thing that has been challenging is my "change of status" in this world. My husband and I had a lot of friends....both couples and single people, and we did a lot of different things together....picnics, days at the beach, barbecues and bonfires, etc. However, now that I am no longer a part of a "couple", many of my friends seem to have drifted away. For example, I recently ran into a friend of mine at the store and asked her if she and her husband would like to get together sometime and go out to dinner with me......and she said she didn't think he'd be comfortable, since I was alone now. YIKES! It is NOT like I wanted to go out to dinner with JUST him.....I just missed their company, valued their friendship, and wanted to have a nice evening visiting with BOTH of them!

Another thing that I've come to realize is that many of the goals, hopes, and dreams that my husband and I shared have been washed away. For example, he always wanted to take a trip to Australia someday. He had friends living there and he always wanted me to meet them. Similarly, he has cousins living in Ireland... again people I have never met, and he wanted to take me there, too. However, I don't see me going to either place by myself to visit with people I have never met. So now, I have to think of places I would like to go by myself.

One of my good friends was divorced about 4 years ago and has been dating a man for about a year or so. She's asked me a couple of times whether or not I would be interested in meeting her boyfriend's friend and go on a "blind date". You might already know the dialogue..."he's a really nice guy and....." YIKES AGAIN! She knows that currently I have NO desire to "date"....and the thought of a "blind date" is not something that I have ever relished-even when I was a teenager! Granted, I am not so "closed-minded" to say that I will NEVER date again....because heaven only knows what the future will bring...but right now I just don't have the desire. (Likewise, only time will tell whether or not I ever will have that desire again.) Instead, at this point in time, I am just trying to regain a sense of "me" and I am not concerned about being a part of a "we".

On the otherhand, I am still trying to make the best of changes that have not happened. As I mentioned in my last blog, my kids were trying to get a home of their own, but now that has been delayed. I am thankful that we are all able to live cooperatively. At the same time, I don't want my kids to think they have to live their life around me. I encourage them to make their own plans and not be concerned what I will do when they go out with their friends, etc. Likewise, I am determined not to "impose" on them. I am quite capable of taking care of my needs. For example, currently my dryer isn't working. (Time for me to call the Maytag repairman.) As a result, my DD went to the laundrymat to do her family's laundry. She wanted to take mine, too, but I told her I would do my own. She doesn't have to do things for me that I am able to do for myself.

With all these thoughts flying through my brain, I know that I have to figure out how to stop feeling like I am the round peg in the square hole. All I can say is that I'm working on it.

Until next time,
JKB

9 Comments

Hanging in there....
by: JKB, 07-17-2008

When I'm asked how I am doing these days, my response is....."I'm hanging in there, and as long as the branch from the tree that I am hanging on does not snap, I'll be okay."

However, disappointment has come again. Since March, my kids have been trying to close on a home that they wanted to purchase. When the whole process started, they were pre-approved and they found a house that was less than the amount they were pre-approved for. After putting a deposit on it and having their bid accepted, we all thought it was just a matter of a few weeks before they would be able to close. Once that happened, they were going to move out of my house and I was going to finally unpack the things that I have been storing in 3 storage units.

Unfortunately, there has been one setback after the next. The first loan officer was unsuccessful in getting the deal closed, so the realtor recommended going to a different one. My kids did that only to learn that the first loan officer made repeated inquiries into their credit report. Each inquiry lowers the score. Much to our dismay, his repeated and unnecessary inquiries dropped their credit score by 57 points, even though they have NO outstanding debt and have not acquired any new debt.

The 57 point drop has now put them in a range where the second mortage officer said she cannot do anything for them until they raise it 6 points!

As a result, they had to let the house go. Ironically, the 2nd loan officer told my son-in-law to get a credit card and charge something. Then, take a couple of months to pay it off and it will raise the score. Once that happens, then they can start all over again and look for a house that they would like to by. Seems pretty sad that a person has to "go in debt", in order to get a home.

Meanwhile, it just means a few more months of waiting for the "settled" feeling that I have been hoping and praying for. We are going to do a bit of "shifting" things around and put a few more things in storage, so that I can try and take a few more of my things that I want to use, out of storage. However, there is only so much room here and there is no way that I can bring everything home, like I had originally hoped......at least not at this time.

Needless to say, this is just another disappointment in the whole scheme of things. I just keep waiting for the time when something will work out right, for a change. I am a perpetual optimist, but for the first time in my life, I am beginning to wonder whether or not there is a "kick me" sign posted on my back that I just haven't noticed, as it seems that everything I've hoped for seems to fall apart and life just seems to be "kicking me". I think it would be easier to handle, if it weren't for the fact that it is not just me who is disappointed, but even more so, it is a major disappointment for my kids. I guess no matter how old my kids are, I hurt when they hurt......the mother part of me still feels it when they hurt.

Oh well......I guess I just needed to vent a bit.

As always, I will pick myself up and press on.

Until next time,
JKB

4 Comments

Flying Solo...
by: JKB, 07-12-2008

Over the past year, I've been trying to learn how to fly solo, but there are days when it isn't easy.

Today would have been my husband's birthday. Last year, he told me that he didn't think he would live to see another one. By the same token, he said if he did see it, he wanted a BIG party as a celebration of survival for the many health issues he faced.

Needless to say, there is no "big" party today. Instead, it is another day where I have to learn how to "fly solo", while trying to keep myself from getting "so low" with my emotions.

It's a funny thing....I've managed to get through Christmas, my birthday, Easter, and every other holiday this past year, by myself....but today is a different kind of challenge, because it was "his day".

Knowing that this was going to be "one of those days", I made arrangements to meet a friend for breakfast, as today was her birthday, too. It was good for me to be able to "celebrate" the start of her day, as it helped to remind myself that even when circumstances have a way of turning my whole world upside down, there are still things to enjoy and appreciate.

Likewise, I have been reminiscing the birthdays that I was able to share with my husband. At least I can still hold on to those good memories, as I learn how to get through another day.

Until next time,

JKB

7 Comments

Moment by moment...
by: JKB, 07-06-2008

It's been some time since I last blogged. When I think about all the things that have happened over the past year, I realize that I survived things day by day, and sometimes even moment by moment.

School has been out for the summer for about 3 weeks now. The first week of summer, I worked on curriculum for our District. The second week, I worked on NCA. This past week was the first week that I didn't have any commitments as to how I would spend my time. In one sense of the word, it was my first week of summer. Finally, I had some extra time to do some of the things I want to do. Now it seems like one of my biggest challenges is deciding what I want to do with the time that I have available to me.

I had hoped that my kids would have been able to move into their new home by now, so that I could start unpacking the three storage units that house virtually everything I own. After 4 months of snags and obstacles, they (my kids and their realtor) decided that the mortgage loan officer that they were working with wasn't making any progress. For several weeks now, they were told "oh, we will close on the house this week", only to be followed by some new reason why the closing didn't take place.

As a result, they are now working with a different mortgage loan officer and we are all keeping our fingers crossed that they will be able to get their home soon. The newest problem is that the former loan officer made so many "inquiries" on their credit rating, that the rate fell 57 points! (I'm not a "guru" for credit scores, but I still have a hard time understanding WHY the previous loan officer made so many inquiries in the FIRST place! I learned that a credit report was good for 60 days, so I can see no logical reason why he made repeated inquiries. All it did was hurt them, overall, and I have no idea how long it will take them to regain the points lost.) They didn't acquire any new debt. In fact, they are debt-free. They've been saving earnestly for their new home and they would just like to have their own space. I don't blame them. They are a young family and they need a place to grow as a family.

Similarly, I would like to have an opportunity to bring home my belongings and try to continue picking up the pieces of my life, in view of everything that has happened over the past 11 months. I just decided that once my kids were settled in their home, I could resettle back into mine for at least awhile. I'm still not sure how long I will continue living in my present home, but I think I need a little bit of time just to inhale and exhale, before I make any dramatic decisions on moving. I guess it is just another thing that I will have to take "day by day" or "moment by moment".

Since I can't start unpacking yet, I've got to figure out what I want to do during the next few weeks. I've already started preparing some materials for school in the fall. I learned that 1/3 of my class that I will have next year is significantly below grade level in reading. As a result, I have been creating activities to try and strengthen their weaknesses.

Another one of my summertime projects has been creating bulletin board displays on Science Fair boards. Last year our entire building was renovated. After the project was completed, I ended up having only one bulletin board. However, through the years, I've created and/or purchased several bulletin board displays. So now I am mounting them all on the tri-fold boards that children often use for Science Fair projects. This way, I can stand them up on a table and get the same affect, as if they were on a bulletin board. One advantage to this system is that when I decide to change them, I can simply fold them up and put them away for the following year.

Being a Michigan third grade teacher, there have been some major changes in our GLCE (Grade Level Content Expectations) that will go into effect this fall. The greatest challenge is the lack of age and grade level appropriate materials. We won't have a textbook to use for both Science and Social Studies, since the one we have been using is both antiquated and does not follow the new curriculum. Consequently, I've been trying to pull from a variety of resources to find suitable materials that I can use with my children.

Meanwhile, even though I enjoy spending time on prepping materials for next year, I also know that I need to do other things with this pocket of time. I've been trying to do some of things that I couldn't do last summer, since my primary focus last year was being the caregiver for both my husband and my mother when they were both so very ill. Yet, I find that there are times when I am still facing the overwhelming sadness that lies within my heart since they both passed away. (I can't believe it has been almost a year now!) It is during those times, when there is a part of me that would just like to crawl back into bed and cover my head, while I withdraw from the rest of the world. But I know that I can't do that......so I push myself to remain in the "land of the living"... and make myself press on. That's another example of going "day by day" and at times "moment by moment".

Yesterday was the 4th of July. My kids were invited to go on a camping trip with their friends and I encouraged that. My daughter was concerned about me being alone for Independence Day, but I don't want to live my life vicariously through my children. I want them to have their own options and do the things they want to do.

Just like every other holiday that has taken place over the past year, I did spend it alone. That's not to say that I didn't participate various holidays, but it just worked out that the celebrations fell either before or after the actual dates. For example, I spent Christmas Eve with my family, but I spent Christmas Day alone. Nobody likes to think of anyone being 'alone' for a holiday. However, for me, it felt like I was in "safe mode", because I had a chance to delve into my own reflections. If I felt sad, I didn't have to worry about imposing my feelings on anyone else around me. When I recalled happy times, I relished them.

In time, I will simply establish my own holiday plans, as I learn to grow stronger while flying "solo". Until then......I will just keep going "moment by moment", as needed.





Until next time,

JKB

6 Comments

Living in Limbo...
by: JKB, 06-02-2008

It's been some time since I've posted here. The main reason is simply because I am still living in Limbo.

My daughter, son-in-law, grandson, and I are still living in my house. It's been this way since I moved back home in March. They put a bid on a house just before I moved back home, but they are STILL waiting to close on it!

We've been living cooperatively and doing the best we can with limited space. I still have virtually all my possessions stored in three 10' x 20' storage units. There simply isn't enough room for both my furniture and theirs in one house. When I was in the process of moving back home, it seemed to make more sense to store mine until they moved. Then, after they move all of their things to their new home, I would bring mine back home.

As a result, I am still living with just a bed, desk & computer, and a minimal amount of personal items such as clothing, etc. We all thought that they would have closed on their house by now, but it has been one obstacle after the next.

They have tackled each challenge as it arose, but it has delayed the process each time. The most recent challenge dealt with the property tax assessment. The previous owner's had rented the house, so the taxes were non-homestead based. Since my kids will be living in the house, the taxes will switch to homestead-which are significantly lower. Even though their mortgage was approved weeks ago, the mortgage company didn't want to close until the taxes were homesteaded and the tax assessor didn't want to homestead the taxes until the mortgage closed! Talk about a Catch 22!

The loan officer decided it would be beneficial to work with a different bank now. As a result, we are still waiting to hear when they will be able to close and move.

Not only has this whole situation been frustrating for my kids who are anxious to have their own home, but it is making me feel weary, too. It's been nearly 2 years since I've felt "settled". I resisted coming back to my house after my husband died, because the memories are intense. However, I've come to terms with it and now I am so ready to be on my own again.

Soon, school will be out and I would like to have the summer to just inhale and exhale. I would like to do what I want to do, when I want to do it. I tend to be a night owl, but my kids are early birds. As a result, we have all tried to respect each other's differing hours and lifestyles. Yet, it is hampering to all of us.

I'm just hoping and praying that good news will come soon and we can all get out of LIMBO and back into living the way that is most comfortable for each of us. We all need our own space and we've been waiting for it for a long time.

Until next time,
JKB

12 Comments

Who would have guessed?
by: JKB, 03-13-2008

I have been looking at houses, condos, and apartments for several weeks now, but have had virtually no luck in finding a place that felt like home. However, things took a turn this week....

In pursuit of a home for me, several times my son-in-law and daughter have gone with me to look at homes. Even though I've not had any luck finding a home of my own...I am happy to announce that my kids found a home that will work nicely for them! Who would have guessed that while I was looking for a home for me, that we would find a home for them?

At one point, they attempted to buy my house that they have been living in for the past year, but they could not get approved for a mortgage that would simply pay off my mortgage. However, they were pre-approved for a moderate mortgage amount and we came across a house that fits into their budget. They submitted an offer with their downpayment and it has been accepted. Now, it is simply a matter of waiting for the paperwork to be processed.

When I was sharing this good news with a couple of my friends, they wondered if I was disappointed that my kids found a home and I didn't. The answer is.....no, I am not disappointed. I am thrilled that my kids have found their special place! There is comfort in knowing that they will be secure in their own home, so that any decisions I make in the future about my own housing options will have no effect on them.

Once the kids move into their house, the question remains whether or not I will stay here or put my house up for sale. I keep debating back and forth. On the one hand, my house sits on nearly an acre of land. While it might be great exercise to walk a lawnmower back and forth for heaven knows how many hours or days per week....I just have to believe that there is more to life than teaching all day and mowing lawn all evening. Sure.....I could buy a riding lawnmower, but I'm not sure if I want to invest in one, if I should decide to move someplace where I would not need one. I did check with a couple of lawn services to see how much it would cost to hire somebody to mow the lawn for me....and the rates were astronomical!

In addition, when my husband and I originally purchased this house, we bought it with the intentions of renovating it and selling it within 5 years. My husband was so talented and such a fine craftsman. Through his creativity and his labor, he made so many incredible improvements. However, when his health issues became more extreme and his pain became more intense, the original 5 year plan was never realized. There are just a couple of little things left to do and the house would be ready to put it on the market, which is more in line with our original plan.

On the otherhand, I can manage this house financially with my income. If I move, I will be cautious and make sure that I find something that fits within my budget, too. Of course, the real estate market here is "soft" and it is a buyer's market. My house is worth less than what it was appraised for 3 years ago. It's hard to predict if and when it will regain the value that it held then. However, it is proportional, too. If my house sells for less than what it once would have sold for, the home that I might buy would also sell for less than what it may have sold for 3 years ago.

I'm not sure if I will stay here for any length of time or if I will decide to sell the house and try to find something that requires less upkeep on my part. The only thing that I have decided is that now I'll think about all of my options after the kids are settled in their home...AND whatever I decide, I will give thoughtful consideration about what will work best for me.

Until next time,

JKB

3 Comments

Now...I'm there
by: JKB, 03-11-2008

In my last blog, I mentioned that I was "someplace between here and there", as I was in the process of moving. As of Friday night, I can now say ...I'm there now.

I spent this past week at my Mom's house still, with just the very bare essentials for living. In yet another phone conversation, I found out that my sister thought Saturday would be a "good day" for me to get the last few things I had left in the house...even though no closing date has been set yet. It appeared that she was getting anxious about me moving out quick enough, since she sold my Mom’s house with IMMEDIATE occupancy.

What she didn't realize is that I made my own plan......and had arranged to get the rest of my things out on Friday after school. (I was weary of my sister’s ever changing plans.) With the help of my kids and a friend, we were able to move out my last few belongings in less than an hour. I have to admit, once it was finally finished, I felt like there was a burden lifted off my shoulders, as I will no longer be subjected to my sisters "good ideas".

It was a bit emotional, knowing that I was leaving my mother's home for the last time. I always felt like that house was "Heaven's Gateway", since my Mom, my Dad, and my husband all died in that home.

For my last farewell, I went downstairs, by myself. There in the emptiness of the basement stood my mother's piano. It was hers ever since she was a child. She took piano lessons on it and so did I. (Neither of my sisters ever held an interest in learning how to play it, like I did.) Sadly, this piano is no longer the fine musical instrument that it once was. Some of the keys "stick", while others play no sound at all. It truly has seen better days. I had the option of keeping it, but I have no place to put it. Also, it is so big and heavy, that it would have cost a small fortune just to hire somebody to move it.

Never the less, there it sat…in isolation. For the last time, I opened up the keys and sat down and played a few pieces that I could recall from memory. I never was an accomplished pianist like my mother, but I could thump out a few favorite tunes. I couldn't stop the tears that fell, as a flood of memories raced through my thoughts. But then.......I was filled with an attitude of gratitude. This piano was a symbol of how much my mother loved music and how she shared this love with me. I can go literally days and days without ever turning on a TV, but I most often have some type of music playing softly in the background. For this.....I am grateful.

Meanwhile, it is amazing how life has its twists and turns. Now, I’m living with my kids and I am back in my old house…..the one my husband renovated. Everywhere I turn, I recall how hard he worked to try and make it a special place. I recall him struggling with pain, yet still pressing on. Maybe that is one of the reasons why I had to come back and live here-even if only for a little while. Maybe this is another one of life’s lessons for me…to learn and live by his example.....that in spite of the pain, he pressed on….and that is what I have to do……keep pressing on.

My kids couldn’t be more warm and welcoming. For the time being, we will make the most of the situation, until we can come up with a new plan. I am looking at this as temporary, since I recognize the need for young families to have their own place and their own space. I’ll go out and look at more homes this week. Who knows what I may find!

Until next time,

JKB

3 Comments

I'm someplace between here and there....
by: JKB, 03-03-2008

I ran into a friend at the store yesterday and she asked me where I was living now. That's really a funny question for me these days and my only response was "I'm somewhere between here and there!"

Even though no date has been set yet to close on the sale of my Mom's house, I received a phone call on Wednesday evening from my niece. She called to let me know that her mother....my sister, thought this would be a "good" weekend to move me out of my mother's house. (Whenever my sister wants to inform me of one of her great ideas, she always has my niece call me, instead of calling me directly.)

Just last Saturday, I was told I had 3 weekends to move. When that changed on Wednesday, to THIS weekend, needless to say, I was overwhelmed! I've been packing boxes everyday, but packing up an entire house by myself is no simple task!

At the same time, my daughter has been scrambling to pack up many of her things, just to make room for me to move back to my old house where my daughter, son-in-law, and grandson are living.

Weary of the ever changing dates, I went and rented a second storage unit to put my belongings in. I had one unit already, but it was filled. My sister and her husband, along with their two daughters and their husbands, as well as some of my sister's friends were here bright and early Saturday morning. My son-in-law came to help, too. My son was also supposed to help, but he came down with the flu-fever, chills, vomiting-the whole nine yards. My sister was upset because he was not here to help, too! All I could think of was how much help can a person with the flu be when moving an entire house? All I could do was reassure him that he health was far more important!

Within 3 or 4 hours, they had filled the second 10 x 20 foot storage unit that I had rented, but they were still only halfway done! As a result, I had to rent a THIRD storage unit! After several more hours of moving, I am finally down to the bare essentials in the house. I have a bed, my desk and computer, one chair, and a small TV on a table. I also have my clothes and personal products. Now the plan is that I will stay here at the house until next weekend. This will give my daughter just a few more days to make room for me to go back to my old house and live with them.

I am grateful that so many people were able to help with such a major endeavor. Of course, the only problem is that now I have THREE storage units filled with boxes and furniture. Already, this has created a new challenge as to figuring out where everything is....door number 1, door number 2, or door number 3? Then, of course, behind each door is a massive collection of furniture and boxes that even a clairvoyant would have difficulty determining what each one holds. Heaven help me if I decide that I want to find a "particular" item!

So......when asked "where are you living now?".....my only response today can be "someplace between here and there." In view of everything that has happened these past few months, I can only hope and pray that somehow much of the stress of moving will be relieved and somehow I can figure out what I will do next.

I've entertained the thought of someday writing a book entitled "Boxes". I thought I'd start by describing the beautiful little burgundy box that my husband had my engagement ring in, when he proposed marriage to me. Then, I could write about so many other boxes that have passed through my hands over these past few years. Some of these boxes were treasures and gifts given to me with love-like the little "jewelry box" that my grandson made for me by glueing pasta on the outside and covering it with paint. Others were specifically for utility purposes-to hold things that have accumulated over the years. Some boxes were for household items and others were for teaching materials. Some boxes held personal items.

Finally, the last box that I would write about would be the little gray box that holds my husband's ashes. It is THAT box that reminds me that there's far more to life than all the other boxes put together. It is THAT box that reminds me that we are passing through this world ever so quickly and no matter what we have acquired along the way, the only thing that remains when we pass beyond this life is the love and memories that we have shared with others.

The only problem with writing such a book.....is that I don't think too many people would believe that the book would be a nonfictional personal narrative. Instead, they might perceive it as purely a fictional, imaginative selection and all that has happened just couldn't really happen to one person!

Until next time,

JKB

7 Comments

Time marches on...
by: JKB, 02-26-2008

I've been searching for a place to live, but so far, to no avail. Time marches on and I have less than 2 weeks to move.

In view of the circumstances, the plan is that I am going to move back in with my kids, even though I have tried in earnest to come up with an alternate solution. This is NOT what I wanted to do, for multiple reasons. First of all, they are a young family and I respect their need for their own space and privacy. Likewise, I've learned to live alone and I like feeling like I am not "imposing" on anyone.

However, it is even more complicated than that. Last year, when my husband and I moved in with my Mom to take care of her, my kids moved into our house. At first, we were going to leave the house empty, but then my husband and I both thought that was such a waste. So we gave the kids the option of living there and they have been ever since. We worked out a plan that has given them an opportunity to save money, so that they would be in a better position to getting their own home. In view of the circumstances, now they are worried about "imposing on me", but I don't feel that way.

So now, not only am I going to be moving in with them, but I am going to be going back to the house that my husband completely renovated. Every nook and cranny is filled with memories. For some people, it would be a comfort. For me, it makes me feel sad to think about how he often was working on one thing or another, but was in pain at the same time. He gave all he had to give, even though he suffered severely.

In view of that, I'm coming to a new place in my thinking process. Now, I am thinking that I need to go back "from whence I came" and start from that point. Maybe I need to once again recall all of my husband's gifts and talents. He was such a fine craftsman and he was so creative. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about him, but maybe I need to recall more of the things that he took such pride in. Perhaps, once I go full circle, I can figure out where to go from there. All I know for sure is that I have to keep pressing on.

I've said it before....and I'll say it again....."inch by inch is a cinch, but mile by mile is a trial." I've tried to cope with miles of challenges, and now I guess I need to go back to taking things in smaller increments. With that in mind, even though these past months have been nothing less than stressful, maybe I will find a new sense of peace when I can stop and reflect about everything. I feel like I have been living my life on the edge, wondering if and when my Mom's house was going to sell. It got to a point that whenever my sister called me, I dreaded answering the phone! At least, I won't have that source of stress anymore.

Until next time...
JKB

3 Comments

Same story....different day
by: JKB, 02-20-2008

I've spent the entire long weekend searching for a place to live during the day and packing more boxes each evening.

So far, I have had no luck at all in finding a place to live. I spent some time with my daughter and son-in-law this weekend and we discussed the whole situation indepth. They have reassured me that somehow, we will work it all out and even if I do end up moving in with them....I intend for it to be a temporary move. (In fact, I've decided to put all of my household items into storage, and only take the basic things that I need, if I do end up going there.)

For the first time in 2 weeks, my sister-the one who sold my mother's house, came over and we talked about my moving. Her only response was......"don't worry, we'll get plenty of help to move everything." What she doesn't seem to understand is that MOVING is not the part that is bothering me right now. The part that is that I need a place to move to!

At this point in time, it is going to take a few miracles for me to find my own place that I can move directly into, without having to move in with the kids at all. My funds are limited and time is passing by very quickly. I still believe in miracles.......and I'm trying not to give up hope. It's just so hard when I see the sands of time slipping through my fingers!

Meanwhile, I've got a stack of boxes already packed. I've been trying to be very selective about what I actually need and what I can give away. There's no sense packing things that I won't use again.

Sunday afternoon was very difficult. It's been almost 7 months since I lost my husband, and I finally decided that I was emotionally strong enough to go through his closet. No matter how strong I felt when I started this project, I could not stop the tears from falling as I went through different articles of clothing.....remembering that he wore a particular shirt when we did something special or a particular suit when we went someplace, etc. etc.

Some of his clothes I packed up for his kids. They live 500 miles away and I won't see them until the summer, but I am hoping they will appreciate having some of their Dad's personal belongings. Other things were worn and old, not worth giving to anyone, so I tossed them in a garbage bag. The rest of them I gave to a man who has three sons who wear about the same size that my husband wore. It felt good knowing that somebody would get some use out of them.

The only thing I can say about going through my husband's belongings is that I was glad I was alone. I was able to grieve and shed my tears, without anyone telling me how I "should" feel.

Well, today is the last day of the long weekend. I have 4 more appointments this afternoon to look for a place to live. I would dearly love to be able to write in my next blog that I finally found my little niche under the sun...........guess only time will tell.

Until next time,

JKB

8 Comments

One step forward, two steps back...
by: JKB, 02-18-2008

This has been such a draining week for me. I feel like I've been taking one step forward, followed by two steps back.

In school, my children seemed to have been strickened with cabin fever. The wind chill was so low that the children were unable to go outdoors for even a little while. That coupled with the anticipation of Valentine's Day had them all "wound for sound".

Meanwhile, I have been searching for a place to live. It looks like I only have 3 weeks left, and I still don't know where I am going to go! Ever since I thought I found the "ideal" house last weekend, only to learn that it had already been sold, it seems like I can't find anything to compare to it. Some that I've seen are just too pricey, while others needed too many major repairs. Some have been located a bit too far from school, in my opinion.

I've looked at houses, condos, and apartments. I really believe I want a house. The condos that I've looked at were nice on the inside, but on the outside they looked so close together, with no "space at all". (Those that seemed to have a more appealing community layout have been way beyond my price range.) I might consider an apartment as a temporary measure, but it just drives me crazy to think that all I will have to show for it is a collection of rent receipts.

The cold, hard reality of it all, is that I only have about 3 weeks before I have to move! That isn't much time.

My last alternative is to move in with my kids. I really DON'T want to do that. My daughter and son-in-law just got married last July. Including my grandson, the three of them are bonding as a young family and the LAST thing they need is to have ME around 24/7. I respect their privacy and believe that young families need space to grow together.

At the same time, I've grown accustomed to living alone. It was very difficult at first, but I've gotten used to coming and going as I please. While I would continue to do that, I would still feel that "social graces" are in order, such as letting my daughter know when I am not planning on coming home at the usual time, because I've made plans to have dinner with an old college roommate or stop at a store. The last thing that I need is for my daughter to get "worried" because I didn't come home when she thought I would.

Through it all, I am growing weary. I don't want to become discouraged, but it is hard not to, considering all the circumstances. It just isn't a good feeling when I realize that there isn't much time and my options are getting more and more narrow.

Oh well.....I will go scouting around again tomorrow during the day. Then, when I get home, I'll be packing more boxes. I am so tired of boxes, too. We never actually got everything unpacked, and now I have to pack again. I was so hoping that this would not have happened until the summer. It has been freezing cold here and it is never fun to move in the snow! Plus, I still have to go to work each day, no matter how many stacks of boxes are waiting for me to unpack.

To make things even more challenging, I haven't had a good night's sleep in a couple of weeks. I just can't seem to turn my brain off! I'm back to the 2 hours a night worth of sleep like I was when I took care of my husband and my Mom. At least when I did that before, I felt like I was doing my best to take care of the two of them. Now, it is a matter of trying to come up with an alternative solution, but it really isn't working too well so far.

I just have to keep remembering.....no matter what.....the earth will turn towards the sun again tomorrow.

Who knows....maybe the next time I post on my blog, a miracle will happen...and I will find the right place at the right price at the right time.

Until next time,

JKB

4 Comments

Back to the drawing board....
by: JKB, 02-10-2008

I went out three times this week, trying to find a place to live. It looks like I have about 4 weeks to find a place and move.

Last night....I thought I found the answer! I found a home that was a perfect size for me. It was close to school and it was just around the corner from one of my sisters. She is visually impaired and we both thought it was ideal, since she cannot drive. It was close enough that we could have walked to each other and I could easily pick her up and take her places, if she needed a ride.

The price was right, too. The housing market here is very "soft", and I thought I found a place that would fit in my budget. It was in beautiful condition, with many new updates......kitchen, bathroom, carpeting, etc. It was structurally sound and it sits on a lot that isn't too large for me to maintain.

I had planned on putting a deposit on it this morning, with the sale dependent upon a home inspection and financing. (My credit was critically hurt 2-3 years ago, when my husband was so ill. We got behind in everything. Since then, I've managed to get things back on track, but I don't know how long it takes to fully restore my credit.)

However, much to my disappointment, I found out that there is an offer on it and it is pending. Supposedly, if it doesn't go through, then I will have first option. However, once again....I don't want to wish ill will on somebody else who is trying to buy themselves a home.

So.....it leaves me back to the drawing board. I still have to believe that there is a decent place for me somewhere under the sun!

I'm praying my heart out...and asking for a miracle....but I don't want it to be at the expense of somebody else's downfall. Likewise, I am reminded of one of my mother's "famous last words"......"God helps those who help themselves." All I can say in response to that is....I'm trying....oh, how I am trying!

Until next time,
JKB

5 Comments

The phone rang...
by: JKB, 02-10-2008

and I got the phone call that I've been praying NOT to get.

I've been living in my mother's house for a year now. My husband and I moved in last January when my mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer's Disease.

Last summer, both my husband and my Mom died. Since then, I've been living on "pins and needles", just hoping and praying that my sister wouldn't sell my Mother's house too quickly. I was hoping that I would have at least until the summertime, when school was out, before I had to make yet another transition.

Last night, I got the phone call that I have been dreading.

My sister has an offer on the house. There will be a home inspection and the prospective buyer is trying to get approved for an FHA loan. Depending on the outcome of the inspection and the mortgage approval, I may have to move within the next four weeks. Some of my friends have suggested that I pray the home inspection is unsatisfactory to the buyer, or that the mortgage doesn't go through as planned......but I don't want to wish any ill will or harm on the potentially new owners. They are oblivious to my circumstances and they are just excited to select a home. They are a young couple, soon to be married. I can only hope that if everything goes through, that they will be happy here.

The only problem is that I have NO idea where I will go. I have been saving my heart out, trying to build up a nest egg, so that when the house sold, I would have a better chance of getting another home. I've managed to save a little, but I'm not sure that it is enough for me to get my own place or not. I really don't want to move in with anyone. I've learned to live by myself, and I've enjoyed having the privacy to "feel" anyway I want to.......shed tears when I need to......and not IMPOSE on anyone else.

I feel emotional about this whole thing, in more ways than one. Both my husband and my mother died in this house, so I always thought of it as "heaven's gateway". (My Dad died here 25 years ago, too.) A part of me even considered purchasing this house, but I didn't have enough money saved as of yet, to even make a decent down payment.

BUT.....I am not giving up my faithwalk. I just have to believe that there is a place for me somewhere in this world, and I just have to find it. I am going out tomorrow to look at some of my options.

I would like to be able to get my own place and final feel "settled" down. I feel like I have been living in boxes for ages and I just want to find a place where I can finally unpack my boxes and call it "home". Once again.......I must remind myself that "if it's going to be...it's up to me!" There are very few people that I can rely on or brainstorm with...I just have to try and think as clearly as possible and see what I can come up with.

Looks like I am still in need of some heavy duty prayers........so I can somehow make it through this housing issue.

Meanwhile, I guess I better start packing some more boxes.

Until next time,

JKB

9 Comments

Wanted: MORE Writing Ideas!
by: JKB, 02-04-2008

After having a snow day on Friday, I spent the bulk of the weekend seeking MORE writing ideas!

Our district uses Mac Millan/Mc Graw Hill Reading and Language Arts textbooks. In addition, we have been blending writing ideas from Lucy Calkins, 6 + 1 Writing Traits, Step-Up to Writing, and others. In essence, you could say that we use an integrated approach from all of these sources.

I spent some time surfing the Internet to come up with some more creative writing ideas. I still plan on using past practices that have brought positive results, such as my 10 Minute Research that I wrote about recently in my blog. However, I am always seeking new ideas that I can use in my 3rd grade classroom.

So.......to all my PT friends......what is your FAVORITE writing idea? Thanks, in advance, for sharing!

JKB

1 Comments

Quarters or Trimesters?
by: JKB, 05-31-2008

Traditionally, our school district has operated on four quarters in the school year. However, now consideration is being given to switch to trimesters.

I've been thinking about this issue. With trimesters, we would only have to do report cards 3 times a year, instead of 4. We would have a conference around the first report card and a second conference around the second report card. Then, there would be one more report card at the end of the year.

Also, in our state, we give our State Standardized Tests in the fall. The first part of the school year is reviewing for the tests. We barely get started on the curriculum after the tests, and it is already time to do our first report card on the quarter system. At least with the trimester system, we would be 3 weeks deeper into the curriculum and have more information about how the students are performing with grade level instruction.

On the otherhand, a teacher friend of mine works in a district where they are already on trimesters. She said one drawback is that the first report card and conference falls after Thanksgiving, when the holiday frenzy is revving up.

Does anyone else have any insight.....pros or cons about trimesters vs. quarters? I'd love to hear your ideas!

Thanks!

JKB

7 Comments

Farewell to a Dinosaur...
by: JKB, 01-21-2008

Saturday evening, I was working on an assignment for an online class. I was nearly finished with it....when my dinosaur computer decided to freeze up again!

Needless to say, I was so frustrated! Fortunately, I had saved the assignment halfway through it production, but it still was so aggrevating to lose my work AGAIN!

Well...that was it.........I decided that it was time to bid farewell to a dinosaur! I browsed through the Internet (at a snail's pace), looking at different options. Finally, I found one that fit both my needs and my budget. I purchased it on Saturday evening, and after having some extra features installed, I brought it home last night. The new one moves at "lightning" speed and I am ever so grateful!

Meanwhile, I decided to do a clean sweep on the hard drive of my old dinosaur computer, with a factory restore. Then, I am going to take it into school and use it as a stand alone computer for the children to play games from CDs. I already have 3 new computers in my classroom that all have Internet access, but I think it will be a nice added feature to have this one operational, too.

The only sad part is......with technology constantly upgrading, I'm sure my new one will be outdated in no time. I'll just have to make it last as long as I can.

Until next time...
JKB

2 Comments

Kicking off 10 Minute Research
by: JKB, 02-09-2008

I've spent months teaching integrated grammar lessons with writing. When classes resumed after the holidays, I started my 10 Minute Research lessons. The results have been outstanding!

Years ago, one of my co-teachers shared her "10 Minute Research" lessons. Ever since then, I have been doing some form of her original plan. I change them and adapt to suit the needs of each individual class.

This year, I have a very diverse population of writers. Some have already mastered the basic mechanics of sentence writing, such as capitalization, punctuation, subject, predicate...etc. For others, though, it was like "pulling teeth" just to get them to begin a sentence with a capital letter!

With this in mind, I decided to start from square one and work through those basic mechanics. For those who had a keen understanding already, I gave them the opportunity to write at a higher level, while I worked intensely on building the skills of the others.

Now...overall, they are relatively confident with the basics. As a result, I have kicked off this year's version of 10 minute research.

For this part of my writing program, I provided all of my students with a spiral notebook, to be used exclusively for 10 minute research.

For our first entry, I had my students write the following:

Date
10 Minute Research
Encyclopedia M (This is the resource used today)
Microscopes Pg. 99 (This is the topic and article used today. I chose this topic because we read about microscopes in our Science textbook.)

Vocabulary:
  • microscope
  • lens
  • objective
After putting the above heading on the first page of their spiral notebooks, then I told the children that I was going to read the encyclopedia entry about microscopes. (I have a wonderful set of Children's Encyclopedias in my classroom.) While I was reading, I wanted them to listen carefully and think about what they heard. I told them that after I read the article to them, they would be writing a paragraph about the topic, so I wanted them to be thinking about the key information they heard.

When I finished reading it, I gave the children about 5 minutes to write about the topic.

After writing, I had them take out a highlighter and mark the first letter of each sentence....making sure it was capitalized. I also had them highlight the punctuation marks at the end of each sentence. (If, by chance they didn't have a capital letter or punctuation mark, I told them to "fix it" and then highlight it accordingly.)

The next step was to have the children read what they wrote. Since this was the first time we did this activity, I had every single child read their paragraph out loud. It is amazing to see how they were all given the same exact amount of information on the topic, but some were able to write in greater detail, compared to others.

Once everyone read their entries, on the bottom of the page, they all wrote:

Every sentence begins with a capital letter and ends with a punctuation mark.

A couple of days later, we did 10 minute research again. This time, I chose an article from Childcraft books. (In my classroom, I have three sets of these books-one that the school purchased for me and two sets that I bought from garage sales!) I used an article called "Bread On Their Head".

The heading on their paper looked like this:

Date
10 Minute Research
Childcraft Book-Holidays and Customs
"Bread On Their Head"-Pg.---

Vocabulary:
  • Portugal
  • custom
  • parade
Once again, I read the entry to the children and they wrote about what they heard. This time, we revisited what a noun was and I had the children highlight all the nouns in their responses.

For the sake of time, I had only 5 children read their entries to the class. They were randomly selected and I kept track of who read in my grade book.

Afterwards, I had the childen write the following sentence:

A noun is a person, place, thing or idea.

For our third 10 Minute Research topic, I read the encyclopedia entry about the 13 Original Colonies, since we have been studying them in our Social Studies book. Then, I had the children highlight all the proper nouns in their responses. Once again, I had randomly selected 5 new students to read their entries.

Our concluding sentence for this lesson was:

All proper nouns begin with a capital letter.

Eventually, I will get to the point where all the children will be doing 10 Minute research on their own. When that happens, the activity will look like this:

Each child will be given an article to read by themselves. In their notebook, they will include the following heading:

Date:
Source:
Title:

Vocabulary (They will select three words that they feel are important to write in their entry.)

They will have about 5 minutes to read through the article that I give them. After reading it, I will collect the articles. Then, they will write about what they have read and I will randomly select 5 to share their writing to the class.

Later down the road, I will give each child a Childcraft book. Since I have 3 sets, two or three of them might get the same book, but overall, each one will have his or her own resource. When we reach that point, the children will be given 2 minutes to "flip through" their resource and try to find something that catches their attention.

They will record their information on the top of their spiral notebooks about their resource, the title of the article, page number, etc.

Then, they will have about 4 minutes to read through their selection and think about what they are reading. At this time, they are permitted to write down up to 3 vocabulary words.

After reading, I collect all the books. I don't want them to go back and look at the source they read. Instead, I want them to write about what they recalled from the article. This way, they are learning to think while they are reading. They are also learning how to write using their own words, instead of plagiarizing somebody else's work.

We've only done this 3 times so far, but already the children are enthusiastic about it! Once we get to the point where they are working independently, we will do the whole process in about 10 minutes....hence the title "10 Minute Research".

I've been using this plan for years and each year it has been very successful. Once in awhile, I will stretch it to 15 minute research, allowing them more time to read longer articles and write longer responses.

Hope this provides food for thought and will trigger some new ideas with my PT friends! If you have other writing activities that you use in your classroom, I would love to hear about them!

*On a personal note.....I am happy to say that my son-in-law was able to fix my car window. The switch burned out when I rolled my driver's side window down. (Of course, it couldn't burn out when the window was rolled up! Living in the midwest, where the weather can change from sunny to rain or snow in a twinkling....this was not good!)

When I called the car dealer, they told me it would cost $400 for the repairs and my car would be in service for a full day. However, I am so blessed to have a talented son-in-law who knows how to take care of these things. I bought the part from the dealership for $100 and it took less than 5 minutes to install it! Now...it works perfectly and once again I am reminded of how many blessings I have been given. Had it not been for family help, I would have been at the mercy of the service department and paid 4 times as much as needed! No wonder it is so hard to get ahead these days!


Until next time.......

JKB

6 Comments

Another one of my bright ideas....
by: JKB, 01-12-2008

Here I go again.......with another one of my bright ideas!

When I take time for personal reflection, I am aware that there are some things that I am very passive about, while there are other things that I am very passionate about. (Of course, my passions always grab more of my time and attention, compared to things that are necessary, but mundane such as washing the kitchen floor....!)

Intertwined with my passion for teaching is my love for books. Some people might refer to me as a "book-aholic" and it would be appropriate. I have tons and tons and tons of books for my classroom! I have unpacked countless boxes filled to the brim with books, and I still have many, many more to go through.

With that in mind, I decided that I wanted to avoid just loading up one bookcase after another, simply for the sake of having one more box emptied. No.....instead I took time to reflect on the various ways that I organized my books in the past. I thought about what seemed to work well and what didn't.

Keeping in mind that AR and Star Reader are 2 prominent programs that are utilized in my building, I decided that I would somehow arrange my books accordingly. Our district pays for our students to be able to take assessments online, giving our students access to over 100,000 AR titles. Similarly, we assess our children's reading levels on Star Reader at the beginning of the school year and then again at the end of each card marking period to help monitor their progress.

That's when I got one of my bright ideas!

I decided that I would go through each and every one of my books and type labels for them. On each label, I have a color coded star for each grade level. I also have the title, AR point value, and AR quiz number. At the bottom, I also included "Please return this book to Mrs. B...."

Then, I decided that I would use cardboard magazine file boxes for my picture books and small crates that I found at our local dollar store for my chapter books. I made labels for each of the boxes and crates, showing what color star labeled books would be housed in each of them. I also made boxes and crates for a variety of genres, as our school does a schoolwide "genre of the month". In addition to that, I made crates to house book series such as Junie B. Jones, Magic Tree House, A to Z Mysteries, etc. Furthermore, I made crates for particular authors that have written several books in my collection, such as Beverly Cleary and Judy Blume.

Sounds like a great idea, right?

What I didn't consider was how much time, energy, effort, and money I would be spending on this bright idea! I have typed and labeled literally hundreds of books, I still am far from being finished with this project! I have spent hours and hours on it. Each week, I go through more and more boxes and I am beginning to wonder if I will finish it before June!

Everytime I go to the dollar store, I buy more and more crates. I can't possibly walk into the local office supply store without grabbing more magazine file boxes!

What's more......I can't just stick the labels on each book. After I put the label on, then I have to cover it with book binding tape to be reassured that that label with remain on the book over a long period of time.

Whoever said that "every project costs more and takes longer than you expect", must have been thinking of me! (Silly me...I thought I would be done in a couple of weeks!)

There is good news, though. As I bring in more and more books into my classroom, I am sharing the "new arrivals" to my students and they are getting more and more excited about reading them.

When I think about it.....not only do I love the way things are shaping up, but I also have observed my children becoming more respectful of my books. I am teaching them to treasure them and take care of them.

So.....its just another one of my bright ideas.....and while it is taking a long time to follow through on it..... I think I'm really going to be happy when it is all done. Already my head is spinning as I ponder what my next "bright idea" will be!

If anyone else is doing something under the category of "bright ideas" please share with me. I'm always interested in thinking about new ones!

Until next time.....

JKB

1 Comments

Seeking a New Balance
by: JKB, 01-04-2008

In order to move forward into this New Year, it has helped me to spend time over the holidays, thinking about everything that happened last year. In essence, I've been on a quest to seek a new balance.

2007 has been the most difficult year of my life. I’ve been confronted with identity theft issues, financial issues, housing issues, and health issues. But none of these compare to the indescribable level of emptiness and sadness that I have felt from losing both my husband and my Mom in less than a 2 week period. (It is hard to believe that it has already been 5 months already!) There have been many days where it has taken every ounce of inner strength and effort that I could muster to just cope with it all, when I really felt like I was buckling at my knees. Nonetheless, through the combination of countless prayers that have been expressed on my behalf, coupled with my own personal faith, I am aware of the incredible support that I have received to help me press on.

When school started in the fall, my attention was diverted from my sorrow, but I never actually had time alone to grieve. Having two weeks off from school for the holidays proved to be such a blessing for me, as I finally had the time I needed to be by myself and mourn.

I participated in various Holiday related activities, including attending our Staff Christmas Party and spending Christmas Eve with my extended family, followed by having my adult children come to my house for our own holiday festivities.

However, I opted to spend Christmas Day, my birthday, New Year's Eve, and New Year's Day at home, alone. Traditionally, my adult children have spent Christmas Day with their inlaws, while my husband and I traveled 500 miles to spend time with his family. Consequently, we were never in town for these particular days, anyway. Since I decided that I didn't want to travel alone this year, my kids wanted me to join them at their inlaws' festivities. Even though I knew I would be welcome, I felt like they needed to follow their own established traditions. ( I refuse to live my life vicariously through theirs.)

Similarly, several of my friends had extended warm invitations to join their holiday activities, but I learned that grief is a funny thing and I can never predict when my eyes are going to well up with tears. (The holidays have a tendency to make them come more frequently.) By staying home alone, I felt like I was in "safe mode" and I could shed my tears-both of joy and of sorrow, without affecting anyone else's holiday.

To some people it might sound sad and pathetic to spend the bulk of the holidays alone. However, for me, it gave me a chance to restore my inner strength and seek a new kind of balance in my life. I'm not one to make a list of "New Year's Resolutions", but I am putting things into perspective. I want to devote some of my time to spending it with family and friends, without interfering with their privacy and space.

Meanwhile, I am still living in my mother's house, but it is up for sale. (My husband and I moved in last January, to take care of her when she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's Disease. Little did I know at that time that when it came time to move out, I would be moving out alone.) Once it sells, I have NO idea where I will live, so I need to take the time to see what my options are, even though my resources are limited right now.

When I first started this blog, I had intended on using it solely for the sake of brainstorming and sharing ideas related to teaching. Amazing how the challenges that I've faced have all but overcome these original intentions! However, I want to take the time needed to enhance my teaching with new, creative, and innovative ideas, blended with established practices that have proven to be successful. With this in mind, I am going to try and redirect my blog to its original purpose.

Hoping that everyone has an Outstanding New Year........until next time...

JKB

8 Comments

A blessing or a curse?
by: JKB, 09-21-2007

Due to renovations over the summer, I had to completely pack and REMOVE all of my teaching materials from our building and put them into storage. I decided when I unpacked them, I would put things away in an organized fashion. I'm not sure if that was a blessing or a curse!

Many of my colleagues opted to just get all their boxes into the building, stash them in their storage areas, and go through their boxes whenever they got to them. Needless to say, by doing that, they had their rooms looking presentable and ready for class much more quickly than I did.

I spent over 40 hours in the course of 3 days to try and reassemble my vacant classroom. First, I arranged all my new furniture that was stacked up in the center of my room. Just by doing that, I felt like I was making progress....that is until I started to tackle emptying out my 10 x 15' storage unit! (I had over 100 boxes, plus about 30 storage tubs filled! Of course, I also had several pieces of furniture that I had stored, as well.)

When I packed my materials, I made notes on the outside of them to indicate which ones I would need right away for September, compared to others that had seasonal materials that could wait. Thank goodness I did that! I was able to get about 60 boxes unpacked before the children came for the first day last week.

After doing that, I spent some time putting up bulletin boards and display areas, so that the room would be a warm and inviting place. I took the extra time to select different colors of fabric and match them up with a variety of borders.

The funny thing about this year is that it almost seemed harder than my first year of teaching. I know a lot of that is a direct result of the things I went through over the summer, but moving back into the building just made things more complicated than normal.

To add to the mix.....my class list started out with 32 children, but now has grown to 34! I'm not sure if that is a blessing or a curse, either! On the one hand.....it is a blessing, as I am now at maximum capacity and there won't be any additional students added to my room, unless one moves out. On the other hand, it might be considered a curse, as every teacher knows that it is extremely difficult to work with such a large number of children at the same time.

To make matters more interesting, last week, I broke out with a severe case of hives on my feet. I went to the doctor and he said that even though I have a few allergies, this was "stress induced". His advice was to take allergy medication and stay off my feet as much as I can for a few days! In view of all that has happened.... and all that I need to do......that just doesn't sound possible, but I'm trying my best.

Until next time....
JKB

4 Comments

And The Race Begins....
by: JKB, 09-03-2007

In June, we had to completely empty our entire building....right down to the last piece of paper, so that renovations could be done. We finally received notice that we can start setting up our rooms tomorrow...with school starting in less than a week!

So......the race begins! I've already been forewarned that my room has boxes and furniture scattered all over the place-in complete chaos! Of course, this does NOT include all the teaching materials and furniture that I have stored in a 10 x 15 foot storage unit!

To make matters even more challenging for me, the people who are willing to help me have to work on Thursday and Friday. My co-teacher's husband said that he would try and help me move some of the big things that I need to move from my storage unit, but I hate to impose, because his wife also needs his help. (I'm trying to cope with all that has happened this summer, but it is times like this that also remind me how sad I am that my husband is no longer able to help me like he did so many times in days gone by.)

There is a slim chance that we might be able to get in the building on Saturday, too. I am keeping my fingers crossed that we will be able to do that, because then I can get more help from my family since they are off for the weekend.

Besides all of my teaching materials being "unorganized", I feel so unprepared this year. I usually spend a good portion of the summer doing things in advance, but this summer I have not been as productive. As a result, I really do feel like I am in a race...and it is a race against the clock to just try and get my room up and running. This year seems harder to get started than my first year of teaching was! Wish me luck.....I think I'm going to need it this time!

Until next time,
JKB

5 Comments

Inch by Inch...
by: JKB, 08-19-2007

Long ago, I heard the saying "inch by inch is a cinch, but mile by mile is a trial." After several months full of trials, I am trying to inch my way into thinking about the fast approaching school year.

As I mentioned in previous blogs, I had to completely empty my classroom for building renovations. Recently, I had an opportunity to take a tour of the building and see what progress has already been made. There is still plenty to be done, but it is both amazing and beautiful to see what has already been finished. (For the first time in a number of weeks, I felt excited about something!)

Now, my brain is wheeling as to how I want to set up my room. It is an unusual shape......almost triangular. Typically, I like to place my students in groups to foster cooperative learning and teamwork. I am slated to have a large group......32 children are on my list already and I could get up to 2 more!

All of my personal teaching materials are presently stored in a 10 x 15 ft. storage unit. There are over 100 boxes, plus tons of furniture. When I think about unpacking it all and putting it away, I am almost overwhelmed. I just have to keep reminding myself "inch by inch" and I will have to just start with the most important items I need. Then, I will have to work my way through the rest as best as I can. One thing for sure......I am thankful that I am going to be busy, as it is a healthy distraction from the emotional heartaches that this summer brought my way.

Meanwhile, I am going to go and browse through PT to get some great ideas for the fall from so many wonderful teachers. Thanks, in advance, for sharing and inspiring me!

Until next time...
JKB

4 Comments

Learning how to cope with grief...
by: JKB, 10-13-2008

Since I lost both my husband and my mother in less than 2 weeks, I am learning more about coping with grief....whether I wanted to or not.

Somehow, I made it through both funerals, thinking that those had to be the hardest days of my life. However, now I've come to realize that while they were difficult, there were so many people around that supported me and gave me strength.

Now, I believe that the hardest times are the times when I am alone and I think about days gone by. I think back to plans previously made that will not happen. Take today, for example.....today was my husband's and my Wedding Anniversary. A month ago, we had made pre-arrangements with my sister to care for my Mom for the evening, as we had intended to go out for a nice, quiet dinner. Even though my husband had experienced so much pain and agony for several months, he was both optimistic and persistent in believing that we would celebrate our anniversary in a special way. (Who would have thought that when we made our plans, that my husband and my mother would not be here on this special day?)

Of course, our plans were unfulfilled. Anticipating that today would be a tough day for me, my sister stopped by and a couple of friends called on the phone. Yet, as it turned out, I spent the bulk of the day alone. I thought about how we would spend time on our anniversary to watch the video from our wedding together. (By watching it, we felt like we were “renewing” our vows each year.) I thought about watching it by myself, but I just couldn’t bring myself to it……at least not today. However, there is comfort in knowing that it will be there when I am ready to watch it again.

One of the things that has helped me cope with my grief and get through all the deep emotions that I have been feeling is realizing that it is okay to feel sad and shed my tears whenever I need to.......because it is the tears that help me get to the place where I can recall the happy memories that I hold so dear.

Also, the continuous support that I have been given by family and friends….both in person and online has helped me cope with my grief. Similarly, I simply cannot express how grateful I am for all of you.....my PT friends......for all the encouragement that so many of you have given me.

Special thanks to J.Elaine… for reminding me of the song entitled The Dance. (It has always been one of my favorites.) ”I could have missed the pain, but I would have missed the dance.” Even though I shed many tears off and on, while feeling the pain that comes with loss and grief, I’m thankful that I didn’t miss the dance….the good times that we shared……and it is the memory of “the dance” that gives me the strength to keep going.

Until next time.....
JKB

3 Comments

Here, in this quiet place...
by: JKB, 08-13-2007

It is the wee hours of the morning......about 5 AM...and I can't sleep. This is the time when I feel the deepest sorrow.

My mother's funeral was on Saturday. I wrote her eulogy, just as I wrote my husband's less than 2 weeks ago. Once again, I found it to be very theraputic for me. I keep reminding myself of all the pain that both my husband and my mother suffered, and I am thankful that they no longer have to endure it anymore. Through my faith, I am confident that they are in a better place. Yet, I can't help but feel the emptiness that exists inside of me.

There are so many decisions that I have to make these days. I am trying to give careful consideration to each one, before I do anything that I might later regret. Many of them, I am simply postponing, because the minor decisions do not have to be made right now. On the other hand, there are major decisions that I have to deal with in a more timely fashion.

One of the major decisions that I have had to think about is where I am going to live. I still own the house that my husband and I lived in, before we moved into my mother's house last January. However, I've decided that I do not want to move back into it. Besides the fact that it is laced with so many memories of my husband when we lived there, I do not want the upkeep of the property, as my house sits on nearly an acre of land. Therefore, I've decided that I am going to put it up for sale, even though it is a weak selling market in our area right now. Meanwhile, I am going to remain living in my mother's house until it is sold. At that time, I will have to decide whether I want to get an apartment, condo, or smaller house. One of my greatest prayers is that I can sell my house before my Mom's house is sold, so that I have the equity from it to find a new home.

My hope is that next week I can start thinking about going back to school. Even though this has not be a rejuvenating summer, I still have a passion for teaching and I believe that once I am back into my routine, I will be better able to cope with all that has happened over the past few months.

I have been richly blessed with so many family members and friends, who have showered me with their love and support. Likewise, I am thankful for all my PT friends, too. Here, in this quiet place.....is when I find comfort from reading messages from so many who have written. I would like to once again express my thanks to all of you for your warm thoughts, prayers, and kindnesses. You have no idea how much it means to me.

Until next time,
JKB

11 Comments

My heart is wrenching...
by: JKB, 08-08-2007

Just last Monday, a week ago, was my husband's funeral. Last night (Monday), my Mom passed away, too.

Needless to say, my heart is wrenching. I am trying my best to stay strong, but having to go through two funerals in less than two weeks is something that I can't even begin to describe. I couldn't sleep all night. I have to go with my sister this afternoon to make funeral arrangements for Mom.

I am doing all that I can to draw on every ounce of strength that I can muster to endure all of this. My heart is wrenching and I am just at a loss for words....I will try to write more next time.

JKB

28 Comments

This past week has been a blur....
by: JKB, 08-06-2007

This week has been a blur....from the day of visitation on and I am not totally sure where the time has gone or how I've used it. I've been swimming in an ocean of sorrow. Yet, by the same token, I have been given so much love and support....that it has felt like a million life perservers were tossed into my ocean to help me get through these trying times.

One thing that I did....that I found to be very theraputic for me...was that I wrote my husband's eulogy the night before his funeral. What started out to be just a brief list of special memories...grew into 5 pages.....single spaced, with just a double space between each paragraph. Our Pastor and dear family friend read every single word that I wrote and so many felt that it was the most "personal" tribute they've ever seen at a funeral. Besides the fact that I love to write, it helped me think about so many special times that my husband and I shared together. I just wanted to honor the life of my husband and let others know just what an incredible man he was. It took me all night...until 7:30 AM the next morning.....but I was running on pure adrenalin and it was a good way to channel it.

Meanwhile, my Mom becomes more and more fragile each day. Her hospice nurse believes that it won't be long now, until Mom passes, too. My energies are at an all time low and I can't imagine how I will be able to muster up enough strength to go through it all again so soon.

I just wanted to say thank you.....to all my PT friends and acquaintances......just like my family and friends here at home....so many of you tossed me life preservers and I am so grateful for all the thoughts, prayers, kindnesses, and messages that I have received. There is comfort in knowing that so many others share their hearts freely and I am so grateful.

Until next time....

JKB

3 Comments

Trying to Brace Myself...
by: JKB, 07-30-2007

Visitation for my husband will be tomorrow and the funeral will be on Monday, and I am trying to brace myself for it.

It was very difficult just making funeral arrangements. My two adult children and a lifelong friend went with me. I followed my husband's wishes and did my best to plan it so that it would Honor him and reflect the compassionate man that I loved so dearly. I did my best to make wise choices since I had limited resources to work with at this time. (I have to admit I was "shocked" at how much each individual expense is, in regards to funerals. Due to his history of health issues he was unable to obtain his own life insurance policy.)

I carefully selected the music and scripture for the service. I included things that were very near and dear to his heart and mine.

With the help of my daughter and my niece, I made photo boards to share the joys in his life with those who will attend the funeral. This alone was a bittersweet experience. It gave me a chance to recall some of the happiest days of our lives, but it also made my heart wrench as I realize how great my loss is.

As if planning the funeral wasn't hard enough, I know that going through the next couple of days is going to be even more difficult. I am doing all I can to muster up the inner strength I need to go through all this...yet, I don't think anyone can be "well" prepared for it.

Now, in the still of the night, I am reflecting over so many things, and I am keenly aware of just how blessed I have been. My husband and I were married for only 8 years, but these years were simply incredible. We had our ups and downs....what married couple doesn't? But we stood together through the good times AND the bad ones.

My husband's last spoken words were him telling me "I REALLY love you". I can still hear him saying them, as he emphasized REALLY. I will treasure those words in my heart forever. (This is what he told me the night before, as he was going to bed. He never spoke another word, but simply passed away the next day.)

Meanwhile, as each day passes, my mother is becoming more and more fragile. I am uncertain how much longer she can endure it all. Yet, I feel so blessed that I am with her to tend to her needs during these days of her life. I cherish each one. She is at a point now where she cannot comprehend that my husband passed away, and I am beginning to think that is a blessing too, as she is not feeling the tremendous grief that she would have felt otherwise. (They were very close.)

Similarly, the Hospice Staff who are supporting my mother, have also showered me with many blessings. The Social Worker came over for several hours the day my husband passed away. They have called several times to provide support to me. Also, they have made arrangements to have their staff spend all day here on Monday to take care of my mother during the funeral. I was so worried about who would take care of Mom during that time and they lifted those worries away.

I have been blessed with so many family members and friends who have rallied around me, offering me love and support during this tough, tough time in my life.

I am also so very grateful to all of my PT friends and acquaintances who have sent such encouraging words, thoughtful wishes, and heartfelt prayers, both through this blog and through Private Messages.

As difficult as these days of my life are....it is realizing that I have been richly blessed that is giving me strength.....especially when I feel like I am buckling at the knees.

JKB

13 Comments

With Great Sadness...
by: JKB, 07-29-2007

As I am writing this, my heart is wrenching with great sadness.

Yesterday afternoon, my beloved husband passed away in his sleep. In so many of my previous blogs, I wrote about his health problems-particularly over the past few months. I received so many encouraging thoughts and prayers from so many of my Proteacher friends and acquaintances.....that I wanted to share this, too.

This past week has been particularly rough for both my husband and my mother. (My Mom just started Hospice a week ago.) In just a few days, I have watched them both become very, very fragile. As the primary caregiver to both.....I have done everything in my power to tend to their needs.....many sleepless nights for me....but knowing they needed me, I drew on every ounce of strength I could muster.

I was blessed to have many family members and friends rally around me all evening, sharing their love and support. But about 1 AM, I got to the point where I just wanted some time to reflect. I've been awake all night..even though Mom slept quietly.

I have to go this afternoon and make funeral arrangements. This is going to be one of the saddest things that I have ever done, but I will try to do what he wanted me to do.

My mind is racing right now......but I just can't think what else to write at this time.....

JKB

31 Comments

Understanding Hospice....
by: JKB, 07-28-2007

Last night, I received a phone call from my mother's doctor....

In his professional opinion, he does not believe that there is anymore that can be done to improve my mother's health. Therefore, he has recommended hospice services.

I had 3 consultations today regarding it and fortunately the people I spoke with were kind enough to tolerate my seemingly endless questions. After a great deal of discussion, my sisters and I have agreed to utilize their services. Tomorrow, additional hospital equipment will be set up here at home and the next day, she will be returning home. As her primary caregiver, my primary goal is to make her days as pleasant and comfortable as I can.

Meanwhile, my husband is not doing very well these days. He will see the doctor on Thursday and heaven only knows what we will be told about the status of his health issues.

I am swimming in a pool of emotions. I can't eat or sleep properly. I am trying my best to stand tall through all this. I am drawing every ounce of faith I have within me and if I ever did a faithwalk in my life, it is now.

Once again, I am reminded of the song "When You Walk Through A Storm..." just as I mentioned in one of my early blogs. All I can say is that I am trying my best here.....

If anyone has had experience with hospice and would like to share your thoughts......I would appreciate it.

Until next time,

JKB

7 Comments

The Best Laid Plans.....
by: JKB, 07-11-2007

Who was it who said "the best laid plans often go astray?"

That seems to be the story of my life these days.

On the bright side, my daughter and son-in-law's wedding was awesome! After a year's worth of planning, everything went very nicely for them. I was thrilled to see the joy they shared!

However, I was filled with such mixed emotions, too. My Mom was still in the hospital, so she couldn't make it. The original plan was that the new bridal couple were going to go to the hospital to see her, between the ceremony and the reception. However, by the time they finished taking pictures, they were already late for their own dinner. They were disappointed, but they were between a rock and a hard place. They had 200 people waiting for them to arrive and the caterer was getting anxious.

Meanwhile, after the ceremony and the pictures, my husband became ill. His plan was to go to the reception long enough to eat dinner and he had selected a special song to dance with the bride. But, unfortunately, just as we were leaving the church, he became ill and had to go home. I wanted to take him to the hospital, but he flatly refused, because he didn't want me to miss any of my daughter's wedding reception. He knew that if he went to the hospital, I would stay with him until they determined whether or not they were going to admit him and I would stay with him until he was settled into a hospital room.

After I got him home, he took his meds and went to bed. I was in such a quandry whether to leave him or not, but he insisted that I went to the reception.....promising to call on the cell phone if he became worse. (Fortunately, he slept the rest of the evening.....which was a blessing, because when he is asleep, he can ignore the pain.)

I went to the reception and I tried to project the image of the proud and happy Mother of the Bride,....which I was.... but I had a cloud over my head, too. I just couldn't stop thinking and worrying about both my Mom and my husband. There was comfort in knowing that Mom was being looked after in the hospital, but there was unrest within me, concerning my husband and him being at home, alone.

To make matters more challenging, it was the first time that my ex-husband I have been in the same room for about 8 years. Of course, I knew he would be there.......he is my daughter's father.

But the last time I saw him, it was at my grandson's baptism and it was a very tense situation. He was rude with all my family and friends and just sneered at my husband and I. Yet, his family was there, too, and they were very warm and friendly with my family and me.

As far as the wedding went, I am grateful to say that things went well on that account. My ex-husband was warm and friendly with my family and friends, and I had a wonderful visit with his family. (However, the two of us didn't say one word to each other. I debated about saying hello and asking how he was, but uncertain of his response or his attitude towards me, I thought it was better NOT to rock the boat......since things were going well as they were.) The last thing I wanted was friction at my daughter's wedding reception.

All in all, I felt like a paradox. So happy for my daughter's wedding day.....so sad that my husband and my Mom couldn't share the reception with her.....yet, so thankful that at least my husband made it to the ceremony.

I've decided that I was going to try and slow down a little this week. I've been spinning my wheels for so long, that I am just weary. I've read a couple of fictional books and I've played cards with my sister on the Internet and browsed through ebay. I went to the movies for the first time in almost 2 years with my sister. I'm sleeping in, refusing to listen to an alarm clock this week. I am just trying to recharge my batteries. But.....I must admit......my mind has already started thinking about projects I want to do to prepare for school in the fall and projects I want to tackle in the house. Most likely, knowing me......I will start making my lists tomorrow!

Until next time....

JKB

0 Comments

Trying not to be overwhelmed....
by: JKB, 07-11-2007

It is less than 72 hours until my daughter's wedding.....and I am trying my best not to become overwhelmed.

In terms of the wedding, we are in the "last minute frenzy", doing those things that couldn't be done until this week. I try so hard to be organized.....making lists and planning what I need to do each day this week.

But then....the "monkey wrench" is tossed into the mix.

This afternoon, my mother's nurse's aide came over to give her a shower. In the process, just as my Mom was stepping into the bathtub, she lost her balance and fell. As a result, I had to call an ambulance and I spent the rest of the afternoon and all of the evening at the hospital. The good news is that she didn't fracture anything. The bad news is that she has developed multiple blood clots on her lungs. This showed up on a CT scan and they were not there 2 weeks ago, when she had her last CT scan.

The doctor said that it may have been a blessing in disguise that she came to the hospital, because if these blood clots had gone untreated, it could have resulted in her sudden death.

Once again.....I hold fast to the philosophy that the glass is "half full". I know she won't make it to the wedding now, but at least I know that she is being taken care of. My daughter and soon to be son-in-law have already decided that they will take a quick trip to the hospital to see her between the wedding and the reception......full gown, tux, the works.

Meanwhile......I am just trying not to be overwhelmed. Since I didn't do one single thing on my list for today, after being at the hospital for several hours....now I am rewriting my list and condensing it into 2 days instead of 3.

Needless to say.....I am trying my best not to be overwhelmed....

Until next time,
JKB

4 Comments

Mother of the Bride
by: JKB, 07-11-2007

On Friday, I will be the Mother of the Bride. My daughter and soon to be son-in-law have been planning their wedding for a year now. It is amazing......no matter how much preplanning and work that you do in advance, the last week is almost at a "frenzy" level.

We've been busy making seating arrangements and table cards. (Think about the amount of thought you put in seating your students in your classroom and multiply that by 10!) Careful consideration has been given to placing families together and friends near each other. Similarly, there are a few people who do not necessarily get along with a few others......so like in school......you place them so that they are not "too close" together. (Funny how I can relate everything back to school! )

Meanwhile....I am still worried about both my Mom and my husband. Neither of them have been feeling well lately, due to each of them having serious health problems. I am just praying that they will both be able to attend the wedding and at least part of the reception. The difficult part is that Mom has Alzheimer's, so we won't know until that day whether or not she is able to go. If she is unable to attend, we have to make arrangements for somebody to care for her, since she can't be left alone. Similarly, my husband has been "under the weather" for a few days now, too. He's doing all he can to try to regain his strength, so that he can attend this very special day. Since I am the primary caregiver for both of them, it's only natural that I am worried and concerned about them. Yet, by the same token, this is my only daughter and I don't want to miss a single minute of this special day!

Once we get through this week......I'll be focusing more of my attention on school ideas!

Until next time,

JKB

4 Comments

Thinking about Assignment Books....
by: JKB, 07-01-2007

What is the best way to use assignment books in 3rd Grade?

In the fall, our principal is going to provide each student in grades 3rd through 5th with an assignment book, where they can record their assignments daily. Fourth and Fifth grade students have been using them in our building for years, but it will the first year that all third grade students will have them, too.

In the past, I've tried to make my own "assignment book", by making a form on the computer and duplicating it. Then, I would put several pages in a duotang. As I give each assignment, I have been writing them on a large tablet in the front of the room. The students were supposed to record the assignments throughout the day.

What I found at that time was that my children who were very responsible didn't really need them. They were very aware of what they were expected to do and they did it. On the otherhand, the children who needed them the most found it challenging to keep up with them. For some, they wrote too large and couldn't fit all the information in the space provided....no matter how large I made that space. For others, they just were resistant to doing it at all. It often felt like a "battle" to me to get them to fill it out daily. I tried several different approaches, including rewarding them or giving them a few minutes worth of extra recess at the end of the day if they had it filled out.

One thing for sure....I know that I am going to have 32 children this fall, and I am not going to be able to fill out 32 assignment books! Likewise, I don't want to go through numerous battles over it, either.

To make matters even more interesting....our 4th and 5th grade teachers require that parents initial their child's assignment book daily. Likewise, these teachers check to be sure the parent's initials are there and there are consequences if the child does not have it.

But then.....in my mind.......I am wondering how much of that is the child's fault and how much of that is the parent's fault? I imagine in some cases, some children just do not show it to their parents daily, like they are expected to do. I also imagine that there are some parents who won't take the time to look over their child's assignment book and initial it.

I can see real advantages for having the assignment books, if only I can work it out so that they are effective for the children and manageable for me, while also being well received by parents.

I've been reading about MOOSE books and have been thinking about integrating them with the assignment books. Right now.....I'm just in the "brainstorming" stage...and would love input from anyone who has used assignment books in the 3rd grade.

Until next time......

JKB

5 Comments

First time ever...
by: JKB, 06-15-2007

It's official......yesterday was our students' last day of school and today was our teachers' last day. Typically, this day is spent completing records and closing our rooms for the summer. However, this year was so different, because we had to completely "empty" our rooms for summer, due to building renovations.

We were under a very tight timeline this year. Usually, I am one of those who goes in and out for about a week after the school year was "officially" over. I like things as neat and orderly as I can get them. However, this year, we didn't have the luxury of taking a week to close our rooms. Instead, we had to have it completely finished TODAY.......one day!

Much to my surprise (and now exhaustion), I am happy to say that I met the goal and finished emptying my room today....the day we were supposed to finish it. This is a first time ever.....for me!

So.....time to think about the summer and what the next few weeks will bring......
  • Time to review our new Math curriculum that we will be initiating in the fall
  • Time to review my centers....make new ones, etc.
  • Time to align our current Science curriculum with the upcoming tentative new State goals and objectives
  • Time to enjoy my daughter's wedding
  • Did I mention......hopefully.......a chance to get a little bit of sleep along the way??? With both my mother and my husband having serious health issues this past year.....sleep deprivation became a normal thing in my life.
Well.......that's just the beginning of my list.....Happy summer everyone!

Until next time.....

JKB

0 Comments

The Home Stretch....
by: JKB, 06-03-2007

It's official.....the children's last day is exactly 2 weeks from today and we are in the home stretch. We've been busy bringing closure to everything. Over the next couple of weeks, we will have our "Year End" Reading and Math Tests, as well as our last Unit Tests in Science and Social Studies.

Since I started packing up my room to remove every single article in it.....from the largest piece of furniture to the smallest eraser, my room has lost its charm as classroom and looks more and more like a warehouse. It will be even more interesting after this Saturday, as I've arranged for some helping hands (thank goodness for family members!) and a fleet of trucks to start "moving" many things out and put them in storage. Our building will be open both this Saturday and next Saturday for this purpose. Several of my teaching friends have already started moving their large items and our building sure looks empty already!

Meanwhile, the kids are getting more and more excited for summer vacation. To try to keep everything rolling smoothly, I've been doing a lot of teaching outdoors. This has been a benefit for both the kids and me! They are staying engaged longer and I am feeling like we are still being productive.

In addition to bringing closure to all subjects and tying up all the loose ends, the next two weeks will include our "Fifty Nifty United States Program", the last field trip of the year, field day, the last assembly of the year, and the Accelerated Reader's Luncheon for all students who made their annual goal. (I am SO proud to say that 100% of my class made their personal goals and ALL of my students will be attending! Their diligence and hard work has paid off!)

Amazing......every year at this time, I have such mixed feelings. On the one hand, I wonder what we are going to do during these last two weeks and on the otherhand, when I think about all that will be going on, I wonder how we are going to get it all done! Then, I just remind myself that I feel this way every year.....

For those of you who are already home for the summer.....enjoy! For those of us who are almost done with this year.....it won't be long now and we will be in the same boat!

Until next time......

JKB

3 Comments

  
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