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Suzanne
Teaching Fourth

Welcome! I'm a fourth grade teacher in Northern NY. This is my 22nd year of teaching. I enjoy teaching, but I also love to travel, read, and spend time with my two cats and husband.

 
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Nothing in Particular
by: Suzanne, 02-21-2010

Today begins my first day of "winter recess." I'm not really sure why they call it "winter recess." Yes, it is winter, and I guess it's like recess, but it just seems odd. Whatever they call it, I'm glad it's here.

The past two weeks have been an emotional rollercoaster. You may have read that my former principal died suddenly two weeks ago. He was also my friend, mentor and husband of my closest school friend.

My poor girlfriend, now a widow, is so overwhelmed. I've been trying to be a good friend but truly it's been hard. We are very close school friends, but I've had to step up to be an outside of school friend as she has only one other. I'm emotionally exhausted. Selfishly I was glad that she is spending the weekend with her sister as I need to recharge.

We had our Valentine's Day party on Friday. I really love that day! It's fun to see my "tough guy" boys opening sweet valentines from their classmates. They read them all, and take them all to heart.

I sent home second quarter report cards on Thursday. Included in the report card is a slip of paper asking for parents' signatures and any comments. I'm always amazed at the number of papers that come back with no comments. I guess it's better than a nasty remark, but how about a "thank you?" Oh well.

My husband and I traveled to our favorite independent bookstore today. I picked up a couple of vacation reads. I can't wait to dive in. I also picked up some valentine goodies for my niece and nephew. I will drop them off tomorrow. I'm glad that I am at least cordial with my brother and sister-in-law. I received a nice, newsy email from her this week. It still feels quite strange to be in their good graces. I'm proceding with caution.

I have many, many goals for the week ahead, one being to get some exercise and get my eating under control. OMG!!!! I've never been this big. I did go for a nice walk/jog this morning. It was about 15 degrees, though. My ipod was not cooperating which made the walk very frustrating. It kept slipping off my arm, adand the earbuds wouldn't stay in. Agh.... Although I love to listen to music, I'm leaving it home next time. The fresh air felt good, though.

So I've written a whole bunch about nothing. At least I lived up to my "descriptive title." I look forward to being a more active participant at proteacher this week.

I'll end with a few things for which I'm grateful:
  • Playing spades with some good friends this evening.
  • Sam Adams new seasonal beer (Pils something... I love it).
  • That my jeans fit, although very snugly today. Yikes!
  • Just everything....
Suzanne

3 Comments

Too Much Sadness
by: Suzanne, 02-15-2010

Oh, what a week. I'm still trying to process it.

Our beloved former principal died suddenly on Monday. He had just retired 7 months ago. His wife is my best school buddy and someone I love dearly. It was painful to lose a wonderful principal, and friend, but even more painful to see his wife so overwhelmed with grief. They had such plans for their retirement. It's just too damn sad.

Our former principal was loved and respected by so many. He was my 7th grade social studies teacher 30+ years ago, and my boss for the past 20.

The funeral was today. Sadly, our school remained open, but I don't think there was one staff member there, it was all substitutes. The funeral was heart-wrenching.

I'm not a big fan of our new principal, but I sure can appreciate the tough job he had this week. Poor guy. If nothing else, I think he now realizes what qualities a great educator possess, and why we loved our former principal so much. Maybe this is something he can strive to be?

The kids at school were so loving and caring this week. I don't think I've ever given or received so many hugs... ever. How sweet.

Now I wonder if and how I can be the support my friend needs. I've been to her house each day this week, just to cry, listen and assist. Her family has been in town and have been her main support, but they are going home tomorrow (at my friend's insistance).

These two were love birds. They had been married only 12 years but they were inseperable. And, as I said, they had such plans for their retirement years.

I'm just praying that I can be the kind of friend she needs right now. We've always been school friends, mostly because she was so very in love with her husband that she didn't really do a lot with "the girls."

Times like this really make me think of all I have...
  • I'm so glad things are a bit better between my brother and me. I need to work more on that.
  • I realize that I work with some wonderfully compassionate people. I need to remember that and be less judgemental towards them. I get frustrated when people don't behave as I hope, but you know, it all works out.
  • I love my husband dearly. He's unique, hilarious, sweet and strong.
  • I really want to be a better teacher. I've been feeling like I've been coasting lately. Don't get me wrong, I'm stressed, busy... all of those things, but I wonder if I'm directing my energy in the wrong direction. I have 8-9 years to go. I still have time to be my best.
It feels good to be done with today, but I'm looking forward to tomorrow. I feel a little sappy today, it's not really like me.

Suzanne

7 Comments

This and That
by: Suzanne, 02-21-2010

I'm avoiding working on report cards, so I thought I'd blog instead. Hope you don't mind my random ramblings about home, school and life...

I'll start with school... I continue to love working with my 21 fourth graders. They are so incredibly sweet. They love to learn, have good manners, and make going to "work" everyday fun. On the other hand, I'm very concerned about my many weak students. Gosh, they struggle with fluency and math... just the basics. I gave a math review test the other day and a number of the bombed it. Now I know that after we went over it on Friday if I were to give them a retest on Monday they would do wonderfully. But they just don't retain information.

The same goes with their fluency. I've always thought that comprehension is more important than the pace at which my students read. This year we are forced to give each student a fluency benchmark test three times a year. We also have to give a cloze test to assess comprehension. They didn't do too badly on the cloze test, but the fluency was pretty bad. Ugh... I struggle with working on reading with expression and enthusiasm while at the same time trying to understand the passage, or telling them to read as fast as they can even if it is without expression or understanding (so they will perform better on these dang test).

We have three weeks left until February vacation. This year is flying by. The three weeks will be busy with a historical fiction book report, report cards, Valentine's Day...

Over the holidays I bought a new desktop computer. It seriously took most of the holiday vacation for me to get it just the way I wanted it. I'm still struggling with organizing files and such, but I do love how fast this new one is. I also bought a new wireless router so my itouch works much better. Sometimes I really hate technology.

Speaking of technology... My husband and I have been using our Wii quite a bit. (Now that I figured out my wireless network I can take advantage of some neat things Wii has to offer). I've been giving the exercise program EA Active a try. I like it, but holding the remote and nunchuck while working out is awkward. I think I'm going to stick to my dvd's.

We played cards (spades) with some friends last night. I laughed so hard my stomach muscles hurt even today. I just love my friends. As I've said before, I don't have a ton, but the ones I have are quality!!!!

There was a little "breakthrough" in my relationship with my brother. Out of the blue, and after not speaking for a few months, my sister-in-law emailed me to suggest we "wipe the slate clean," and move forward. She equated it to a mulligan in golf. (Now I'm not a big golfer, but I do know that it's usually the person who has taken the bad shot that suggests using a mulligan...). Anyway, I was glad to see that she sent it to me, and to my sister. She invited us to come over to visit with my niece, and nephew (whom I still hadn't met). I decided to take the high road and visit. I cannot wipe the slate clean, and will forever be leary of them, but it's just too difficult living in the same neighborhood, and traveling in the same circles to ignore each other. I'm not surprised that my sister beautifully (and using kind words) declined their invitation. They were mean to me, but even worse to my sister. I can't blame her at all for not wanting to go to their house.

So our visit was fine. I was a bit annoyed that my sister-in-law brought out the two bags of Christmas gifts I had left for my niece and nephew on Christmas Eve. She wanted me to be there when they opened them. That was nobel of them, but many of the gifts were Christmas related. (For example an adorable "Baby's First Christmas" outfit...). Oh well. I don't think their intentions were bad, but my intentions were for them to open them on Christmas morning. The kids didn't really know any better.

So the strangest thing happened late Friday night. My husband was out playing poker and about 11pm my phone rang. It was my sister-in-law in a panic. Their carbon monoxide detector went off. They called 911 who told them to get out of their house immediately. They wanted to bring the kids to my house while they waited for the fire department. Of course I said yes. They only needed to stay an hour or so as they aired out the house and determined it was a crack in the fireplace, and not the furnace. So all ended well.

I can't help but think of how odd it was that just the previous weekend we finally spoke after months of negative or no communication. It's just strange how life works.

I don't know what our next step will be, but I'm not going to push anything. I don't trust them with my heart. It's still healing and adjusting to life without them.

And as long as I've rambled this long... I just can't lose weight!!!! I stepped on our Wii Fit and it said I had gained 11 pounds this year. Holy smokes. So what did I do??? I ate about three, maybe four cups of pasta (with oil and veggies) and topped it off with a piece of cake. Ugh!!!!! I've been better about exercise, but I need to get this eating thing in check. I wonder if now that some of the stress of the nasty family relationships has subsided I will be more able to focus on good eating...

If you lasted this far, thank you!!! I'll end with some things for which I'm grateful...
  • As mentioned before (above and in previous posts) I have some incredible friends. I love them all, for different reasons. (This includes my PT friends!!!)
  • I love the speed of this new computer. I promise not to load it up with stupid programs.
  • I'm grateful for my job. I know that sometimes it can be stressful, heartbreaking, frustrating.... but really, it's an awesome job. I am going to take full advantage of this class of beautiful children!
  • Finally, I'm thankful that I was able to find a lovely new winter coat for one of my little girls. Her zipper was stuck the other day and while trying to get it unstuck, I broke it. I looked this weekend to see if I could find a replacement coat. I couldn't find the exact coat, but a similar one. It was $79, which was much, much more than I intended to spend BUT, when I checked out it was on sale for $15!!!!! WOW!!!! I should have bought all of them!!!
Suzanne

4 Comments

Not a creature was stirring...
by: Suzanne, 12-31-2009

That's how it is this morning... so very (delightfully) quiet. I have one cat starring at the printer. He's fascinated by it. No matter where he is in the house (usually on my husband's lap) when he hears the printer start he dashes to it (and peels out on my husband's lap ) to monitor the situation. What a nut!

I just finished reading Hifiman's blog about Christmas. I won't attempt revisiting my Christmas pasts, but I do relate to his description (especially the holding hands part!).

Although I was well aware that Christmas falls on December 25th, I was just taken by surprise. I kept focusing on the fact that I would not be buying gifts for my mom (who died), my brother, sister-in-law and her family. I focused so much on that that I didn't really get moving on the gifts I had to buy until it felt too late. So, I was incredibly stressed this year.

I did have a surreal experience on Christmas Eve. I still have these fantasies of Christmas Eve being a "magical moment." That just hasn't been the case these past 5 years. When my brother met my sister-in-law we started celebrating Christmas Eve at her parents' house. It was not what I really wanted to do, but to be a good sport, and to be able to celebrate with my brother, that's what we did. Three years ago we had a huge family brawl over it, so that pretty much took away the magic. Last year my husband and I returned to my sister-in-law's celebration, but it was strained. This year I find myself "brother-less," so visiting them wasn't in the plans. I did, however, drop off (under the cover of darkness) bags of gifts for my niece and new-born nephew. I'm certain I will never hear whether they were enjoyed.


This year we went to my husband's business partner's house to exchange gifts with he and his wife. She is a endocrinolgist (I can't even spell it). We have NOTHING in common. My husband failed to tell me that we were going for dinner. (He claims to have forgotten). So we arrived with full bellies due to the lasagna I slaved over in an attempt to rekindle the "Christmas Magic."

So, while there the wife's sister and brother-in-law (and their adorable kids... I mean it) came over. He's a US Congressman. So here I am enjoying Christmas Eve with complete strangers and a congressman. Sigh.... I'm just not into politics. Thankfully politics were never discussed, but I couldn't help but chuckle when the congressman fell asleep in an armchair holding a glass of wine. (I really wanted to snap a photo, but thought better of it). So, no Christmas Eve magic this year, either.

Speaking of magic, I booked a trip for Disney World for this April. I've only been once, and that was just for a few hours. We're staying right at Disney (OMG it's expensive) and I'm looking forward to a wonderful time.

We had a terrific time at my in-laws on Christmas Day and night. We played Jenga, "Dumb Ass," and cards. They are such a loud crew, though. My head was spinning! I never think of myself as being quiet until I'm with them.

I'm in need (I think) of a new computer. This one is slower than death. According to the bios it was manufactured around 2004, but I have to dig for the paper work to see when I bought it. Although I look forward to a new "toy," I do not look forward to the aggrivation that will surely go into reinstalling all my programs! Yuck!

I'm going to get a start on my many, many thank you notes. I actually enjoy writing them, but I know my fingers will ache when I'm done. My students at school really showered me with some lovely gifts and I want to let them know how much I loved them. (The chipped in for a $100 gift card to a local restaurant, that also happens to be a brew pub! SWEET!).

Enjoy these peaceful days after Christmas, everyone!

I better end with a few things for which I'm grateful...
  • A whole week of R and R!!!!!
  • Spending time with my husband's family.
  • I'm grateful for the time I spent with my sister and her husband on Christmas morning. Our wounds are healing!
  • I'm grateful for the sweatpants I'm wearing. They are about the only things that fit these days!
Happy Sunday, Everyone!
Suzanne

2 Comments

Random Thoughts
by: Suzanne, 12-20-2009

Why is it that just when I start to type my feline friend, Andy, jumps on my lap, purring and wants my complete attention? I just love him!

I've been reading posts in the Teachers' Lounge. Many people are starting their vacations, and many are experiencing snow storms. I still have three days to go of school... I don't think I'm going to make it! On the other hand, despite living in the Northeast, I'm glad not to have the snow make it this far north. I have too much shopping to do today.

It's been a very odd school year. I'm still trying to understand our new principal. I've been trying to be more open-minded, and less judgemental, but it's just been strange.

I have a student who has incredible anxiety. For awhile he was afraid to come to school. It was very upsetting to me. I've never had a child not want to come to school. Of course, I wondered if it was me. I received no help from our school psychologist, even though I requested some. She didn't help until the principal forced her. (And he didn't help until I begged him). Sigh... The good news we are making progress. The student it coming to school and making baby steps. I guess I wasn't his reason for not wanting to come as whenever we leave the classroom for specials or lunch he needs me to promise that I will be there when he returns. (I assured him that if anything better comes along, I will be sure to get hiim and bring him with me).

For the past two to three years there has been some talk in our district about mandating that everyone uses a new basal series (MacMillan, I think). For fourth grade the series is called "treasures." At first I was completely opposed to it. I teach ELA through trade books. I've done so for years. I've always prided myself in the program I developed. But, strangely, I'm going to (for a year, anyway), completely embrace this new series. I need a change!!! I need to try something a little easier for me. I'm tired. I know learning how to use a basal and all that goes with it will be time consuming, but I'm anxious for a change. I've noticed a number of people here are using a basal series, so I hope to pick their brains about it. I will use my former trade books as read alouds for next year. I'm not going to completely abandon them in case I don't feel the basal is doing the job.


Although I am doing my best not to obsess, I'm really so sad about not being part of my brother's life. He now has two children, lives in my neighborhood, but we don't speak. (For those of you reading my blog for the first time, it's a long, ugly story). This will be my first Christmas not celebrating with him. I bought some thoughtful gifts for my niece (whom I know and love) and recently born nephew (who I've never seen) which I will drop off Christmas Eve when I know they will not be home. I will include a card as well. Any time I think about what to write on the card it ends up being a nasty slam to my brother and his wife. That's not what Christmas is all about , so I will just proclaim my love to the children and wish them a happy year ahead. It's just so sad. I know that I could work even harder to make things better, but not right now. He's worn me out.

On a more positive note... we're getting together with another couple for dinner out, followed by some card playing! Julie and I have been friends for over 30 years. At one time we were college roommates, but sadly that put a strain on our friendship. Now that we are older and wiser we have become like sisters. I'm so happy that our husbands enjoy each other's company, too. I'm really blessed to have such good friends. I don't have a ton, but the ones I have I love.

So it's time to start the day. First, wake up my husband... then shopping, wrapping and then dinner and cards. Perfect day. Tomorrow will be devoted to grocery shopping and correcting many, many papers. Shame on me.

I'll end with a few things for which I'm grateful...
We're spending New Years Eve with my sister-in-law and her husband! That will be a great time!

I am overwhelmed by the generosity of strangers. I just found out one of my www.donorschoose.org projects was fully funded by three anonomous donors. Amazing!!! (I told my weathly sister about it and she has now funded a number of projects for inner-city schools. She says she's addicted). I can't help but wonder how is it that complete strangers can be generous and compassionate when my own brother can't??? Oh, enough of that!

I'm more than grateful that the weekend is here. Three days to go. Three long, slow days to go!

Thanks for "listening."
Suzanne

2 Comments

It's been awhile...
by: Suzanne, 12-03-2009

It's been awhile since I've blogged. I don't know exactuly where I've been, but it's always nice to be "home."

I'm having a good year with my fourth graders this year. I have a lovely, normal group of students. As a whole they are a bit weaker than past years, but they are kind, and seem to enjoy school.

We have a new principal this year. Our beloved principal of 19 years retired last June. I miss him terribly. I miss his experience, work ethic, manners, and just knowing that he was always "there" for me (or anyone else!). It's a whole new ball game this year. I'm not going to get into the details right now but I've been in the workforce for 30 years and have never felt so disconnected from my boss. The good news is the because of our new principal's lack of concern about our school, students, teachers, parents... our staff has bonded more than ever. That's a great thing.

My husband and I hosted a school party a few weeks ago. It was a "game night." I'd say about half our faculty and staff came, some with spouses, some withough. Because it was a bit crowded, and everyone seemed to be enjoying conversations, we didn't play too many games. The party was a hit. I think everyone had a great time. (Our principal was invited but neither rsvp'd or attended, though he was welcome).

We have new report cards this year. They pretty much brought me to my knees. In 25 years of teaching I have never felt such stress. There was little turn around time between the training and the "due date." It was nuts!!!! I don't think the next marking period will be so stressful, though.

Although all is great between my husband and me, the relationship I have with my brother is just awful. Of course it's a long story, but it's really been a rollercoaster, and one that I will not get on again. The only sad part is that I am not a part of my niece and (new) nephew's life. Someday I may blog about the whole chain of events, but right now it's too tiring.

I just wanted to get my feet warm here today. As always I have so much to "say," but a), I don't want to bore any poor soul who chose to read this and b), my meatballs are done and I have to finish making dinner!

So, as in the past, I'll finish by listing a few things for which I'm grateful:
  • I just love my new livingroom furniture!!!!!
  • Our Christmas tree is up and looks lovely!
  • My husband and I joined my sister and her husband for a dinner out on Thanksgiving. It really was nice.
  • (And I can't say this one enough), I'm grateful for the friends I have. I don't have a ton, but the ones I have (here on PT, and otherwise) are the most loyal, loving, fun, supportive people ever. (If anything good has come from my family drama, it's that friends ARE important!).
Suzanne

2 Comments

Enjoying the Final Two Weeks
by: Suzanne, 08-28-2009

Enjoying the final two weeks!
by: Suzanne, 08-26-2009

My first day back to school will be September 8th. I can't say that I'm looking forward to the school drama, but I do look forward to teaching, and having a routine each day.

I don't (yet) have any big goals this year, but I want to try to get to know my fellow teachers better. We've had an influx of new teachers over the past few years and although I haven't been unfriendly, I've also not extended myself much. I'm a little ashamed of myself in that department.

My classroom is not quite ready. I am just drawing a blank with my bulletin boards. I hope to go in tomorrow and knock those out (not literally). I have a lot of photo copying to do as well. From what I'm feeling I have a lovely class. No one comes with a rap sheet (is that the correct rap?), and I recognize many of the names and families.

This summer sure has been bittersweet. Sweet because of the wonderful times I've had with friends, but bitter because of the continued stress caused by my brother. My niece's second birthday was Monday. I am her godmother and I love her dearly, but I haven't spoken to my brother or his wife in two months, so this was awkward. I was feeling so incredibly anxious over what I should do about my niece's birthday. I wished I had received an invitation to her party, but that didn't happen. (I should have been invited, and it will forever sadden me). My anxiety level was so high my TMJ acted up while at the dentist and my jaw locked up not once, but twice!

As always lately, I took the high road and delivered my niece's gifts on the morning of her birthday with my husband. My brother and his wife we very hospitable, (shocked, probably as well). It was obvious that they were going to have a party as there were decorations hung and a pinata. I was glad they were "caught," although I truly wonder if either of them have a conscious! I just received in the mail a rather lame thank you. That's it! I'm done. (I know I've said it before). I'm moving on. The rest is up to them. I love them but just can't keep trying with them. Yes, I know that life is too short, but it's too short for me to constantly feel anxious, guilty, hurt. I didn't do anything. That's the kicker.

So, I'll end with a few tidbits of happiness because I do have a lot of that left...

My husband and I are joining my sister and her husband for a dinner out. The restaurant is called "Cooper's Cave" after James Fenimore Cooper's book, "The Last of the Mohicans." They designed their enterance to look like the enterance of a cave. My husband thinks it looks like a vagina. So, we call it "The Snatch." Nice.

I "floated" pool side with a good friend yesterday and concluded the night with a bbq. To keep with the spirit of the summer I drank too much wine and beer, but had a lovely time. My husband got to act as the tooth fairy as their 8 year old lost a tooth. My husband got to write a note. It was very sweet.

I had a lovely day. It started with a walk with a friend along a gorgeous bike trail, followed by sipping smoothies in Adirondack chairs. Then I came home and watches soaps and slept on the couch. I can't get much better than that. (And the housecleaner came, which is always a bonus).

Tomorrow I will work in my classroom. I hope that I don't have a ton of visitors and that I can get a lot done!

Happy days, everyone!
Suzanne

1 Comments

Enjoying the final two weeks!
by: Suzanne, 08-26-2009

My first day back to school will be September 8th. I can't say that I'm looking forward to the school drama, but I do look forward to teaching, and having a routine each day.

I don't (yet) have any big goals this year, but I want to try to get to know my fellow teachers better. We've had an influx of new teachers over the past few years and although I haven't been unfriendly, I've also not extended myself much. I'm a little ashamed of myself in that department.

My classroom is not quite ready. I am just drawing a blank with my bulletin boards. I hope to go in tomorrow and knock those out (not literally). I have a lot of photo copying to do as well. From what I'm feeling I have a lovely class. No one comes with a rap sheet (is that the correct rap?), and I recognize many of the names and families.

This summer sure has been bittersweet. Sweet because of the wonderful times I've had with friends, but bitter because of the continued stress caused by my brother. My niece's second birthday was Monday. I am her godmother and I love her dearly, but I haven't spoken to my brother or his wife in two months, so this was awkward. I was feeling so incredibly anxious over what I should do about my niece's birthday. I wished I had received an invitation to her party, but that didn't happen. (I should have been invited, and it will forever sadden me). My anxiety level was so high my TMJ acted up while at the dentist and my jaw locked up not once, but twice!

As always lately, I took the high road and delivered my niece's gifts on the morning of her birthday with my husband. My brother and his wife we very hospitable, (shocked, probably as well). It was obvious that they were going to have a party as there were decorations hung and a pinata. I was glad they were "caught," although I truly wonder if either of them have a conscious! I just received in the mail a rather lame thank you. That's it! I'm done. (I know I've said it before). I'm moving on. The rest is up to them. I love them but just can't keep trying with them. Yes, I know that life is too short, but it's too short for me to constantly feel anxious, guilty, hurt. I didn't do anything. That's the kicker.

So, I'll end with a few tidbits of happiness because I do have a lot of that left...

My husband and I are joining my sister and her husband for a dinner out. The restaurant is called "Cooper's Cave" after James Fenimore Cooper's book, "The Last of the Mohicans." They designed their enterance to look like the enterance of a cave. My husband thinks it looks like a vagina. So, we call it "The Snatch." Nice.

I "floated" pool side with a good friend yesterday and concluded the night with a bbq. To keep with the spirit of the summer I drank too much wine and beer, but had a lovely time. My husband got to act as the tooth fairy as their 8 year old lost a tooth. My husband got to write a note. It was very sweet.

I had a lovely day. It started with a walk with a friend along a gorgeous bike trail, followed by sipping smoothies in Adirondack chairs. Then I came home and watches soaps and slept on the couch. I can't get much better than that. (And the housecleaner came, which is always a bonus).

Tomorrow I will work in my classroom. I hope that I don't have a ton of visitors and that I can get a lot done!

Happy days, everyone!
Suzanne

0 Comments

Life is Good
by: Suzanne, 08-17-2009

I just spent a wonderful weekend with five incredible women! We were all close friends in college 25 years ago, and I don't think we've been back (all) together since!

The gal hosting the weekend reunion is my very best friend (and former college roomie) who happens to live about 2 miles from me. The other gals traveled from Boston, Philidelphia, Long Island and Albany.

We really didn't have an itinerary to follow and decided to just play it by ear as to what we do. We ended up just staying at the hostess's house the whole time.

We all arrived Friday and it was like we never parted. We drank, ate, played an 80's board game and just laughed.

On Saturday we hung out all day by the pool and enjoyed beverages, laughter and more board games. We made dinner and just continued to share old stories and catch up on our lives.

This has been a bittersweet summer for me. I've learned how important friendships are, and sadly I've also learned about the heartbreak family can bring.

My brother finally quit his dispute over the reimbursement of my deceased mother's estate, ending a summer-long frustration and disappointment. I'm glad he quit it, but I sure wish he had quit because he knew it was wrong. He quit because if he were to continue he would have to pay for a lawyer for representation.

So, which is more important, family or friends? Hmmmm....

I'll end with some things for which I'm grateful...

1. My husband enjoyed a weekend of friendship and male bonding as I enjoyed my weekend girls' reunion. Perfect!

2. I just finished a beautiful book, Firefly Lane, which sadly has taken me the whole summer to complete. It had a lovely ending. It reminded me of the movie Beaches. I wouldn't have read it had I known it was going to be a tear jerker, but it was worth it.

3. I am so excited about Big Brother tonight. I have been following some of the spoilers and know that tonight's episode will be entertaining.

4. I just paid off our credit card and it feels so incredibly great. I can't even begin to tell you how much of a relief it is!

5. Although I haven't been posting much here this summer, I really love my proteacher friends.

Hope life is good for you as well!
Suzanne

3 Comments

Vacation
by: Suzanne, 08-09-2009

My husband and I just returned from one of our top 5 best vacations ever! We traveled to Virginia Beach with two families and rented one huge house. There were 10 of us in all. What a wonderful trip!

My husband and I chose to fly down rather than drive as we had to leave two days early so that we could attend a car show this weekend. Our flights down were wonderful! I love to travel, but I hate to fly or drive, but I'm willing to suck it up. We met our travel mates for lunch then checked into our house.

The house was amazing!!! It had 7 bedrooms, and 5 bathrooms. There were speakers in every room, and on each of the 5 decks. We played 70's music from the satellite radio the whole time. I was in heaven. The place was a very short walk to the ocean, and it even had a gorgeous pool.

I was a little disappointed when my friend said we probably would eat most/all of our meals at the house. I really, really, like to dine out... especially on vacation. But, I'm happy to report that I loved eating in! It was nice not to have to get dressed up for dinner, and drive. One of the guys doesn't enjoy the beach scene so he prepared some incredible meals each night.

It was just the perfect vacation, and one of the rare ones that I didn't look forward to coming home!

Life is good!

Suzanne

4 Comments

Another Fine Day
by: Suzanne, 07-29-2009

Now that I'm nearly a month into summer vacation, I feel like I finally "got my groove on" (whatever that means). For the first few days/weeks of summer vacation I felt like I was floundering... basically waiting for my husband to come home from work. Now It feels real, and I'm enjoying it.

Today, for example I had coffee and did a little shopping with a girlfriend of mine. She and I are so different, yet we are so alike in the important ways. She lives a life similar to that of one of the "New Jersey Housewives," but without the attitude. Yet what I love about her is she's real. She's not afraid of saying how she feels, but never does so rudely or thoughtlessly. Anyway, it was a lovely morning. My husband and I will be vacationing next week with this gal and her family, who we also love. I'm really looking forward to it despite being a lot more costly than we truly can afford. I'm sure we'll have enough fun to make it worthwhile. It will be fun to travel with children (they have an 8 and 11 year old), and the other couple has two teenaged girls.

Friday is my sister-in-law's birthday. Things have been tough between my brother and I and I've been having a hard time deciding how to handle her birthday. I finally decided that a simple heart-felt card with birthday wishes will do. I put it in the mail today. At one point I considered delivering a gift but you know, I just don't feel it's appropriate. I do feel a bit awkward (and mentioned that in the card), but I also don't feel like gift-giving. Gifts should come from the heart and not out of obligation. Ohhhh, I wish the whole mess would clean up.

I've told my husband every night for the past week that this is the last nght I'm making dinner. I"m just tired of it... but I keep making another one. I do wish he enjoyed dining out more. I love him, but he's really become a stick in the mud.

I'm going to settle down tonight to read a book about using science notebooks in my fourth grade. I've had the book for awhile, but just haven't given myself time with it. I think I will make it the basis for my "Self Choice/Alternative Assessment" plan for this upcoming year.

Speaking of the upcoming year, we have a new principal this year. This ought to be an interesting year. I don't have wonderful vibes from him, but I will surely give him a chance. (What other choice do I have). Our former principal, although with some faults, was a true educational leader, and he was also my friend. It's hard to see him gone.

Storms are brewing in this humid weather. Some of the thunderstorms we've had lately have been brutal. I find myself being grateful that my mom is not here to be frightened in them. She hated being alone.

Hope everyone is well!
Suzanne

0 Comments

Near Perfect Day
by: Suzanne, 07-28-2009

After waiting nearly a month for a cloudless, hot day, I finally got it today! I packed up a few books, some water and towel and headed to a lovely pool in Saratoga Springs. I could only handle the hot sun for a few hours, and I was starting to get antsy and hungry, but I just loved it.

I'm reading a good book (Firefly Lane), and enjoyed some major people watching. You know, for the most part people are quite friendly. Despite the limited lounge chairs available, I saw many people helping each other out to relocate chairs and find spots. I even saw a guy in a bikini... top and bottom. Cool!!!

I still have more than a month before school starts, but I'm already giiving lots of thought to my room and the year ahead. I've been busy cleaning, and now the organizing, decorating and planning begin.

The only thing preventing this from being a perfect summer is the estrangement (I'm not sure if that is a word) between my brother and sister. It's so discouraging. I've witnessed a side to my brother that is unbecoming and just nasty.

My brother and sister-in-law recently told me, via email, that I was not the aunt they had expected me to be to their daughter. It was beyond hurtful, and I wondered if I could ever speak to my brother again. A month went by without any communication and finally I caved. It's just not my nature to not love my family. I'm a middle child, what can I say? So I sent a note to both my brother and sister-in-law saying that if they can accept me for the person I am, I would love nothing more to be a part of my niece's life. Well, they both sent back a positive email, and for that I am grateful. Of course my brother offered no apology, but my sister-in-law did. I really appreciated it. They both signed their emails "hope to see you soon." And yet, it's been more than a week and I haven't heard a word from them. What the heck? Why can't anyone except for me extend themselves? It's getting tiring. Why am I begging for love?

My brother and sister-in-law have a lovely pool. They live less than a quarter of a mile from me... right in the same development. What would it take for them to call me and say "why not come over and hang out by our pool?" Nope. It will never happen. They've had their pool for over two years now and I've yet to be invited. Sigh.

I know what you're thinking (as I think it as well) I could call them. Yes, sure I could, and I probably will. I just can't help feeling a bit disgusted and disappointed over the whole thing.

It's been sad watching all of the nastiness going on here over the past week or two. I wonder why people feel it necessary to hurt others feelings or be thoughtless? I see so much of it lately, everywhere.

But, on a positive note... Today was a near perfect day. It's not quite over though. I have to figure out something for dinner, and my beloved Big Brother is on tonight!

Happy Tuesday!
Suzanne

2 Comments

Treasures
by: Suzanne, 07-28-2009

I've been spending a lot of time organizing and cleaning my classroom. I've decided that I like working in my classroom because I have complete control. At home when I try to hoe out our stuff I need to consult my husband before I throw out something of his (magazines, clothes...). He really has no interest in home improvements so I'm working in my classroom.

Last summer my room was being used for summer school so I was unable to "tinker" around as much. They've already "cleaned" my room this summer so I'm good to go. Although, by the time I get done it will probably need to be cleaned again.

So yesterday I found three treasures in my classroom.

The first treasure was a bag of individual bags of M&M's. I found them way in the back of my desk drawer. This was a treasure because I was starving. The funny thing is that I didn't eat any of them as I started Weight Watchers again for the billionth time. It did remind me to take a lunch break.

The second treasure was a file from 1991 of responses I got back from writing to celebrities asking them about their favorite children's book. I had responses (some with autographed photos) from Ted Turner, Chris Burke (Corky from "Life Goes On), Amy Grant, Sandra Day O'Connor... What a hoot.

The final treasure was a stack of 80 one dollar bills found in a large envelope in a file drawer I rarely use. I have NO idea where they came from. I'm sure I collected the money for a field trip... but I don't kow when. I don't think I collected any money this school year, so that money had been around awhile. It was a welcome site as money is getting tight in our household.

I guess my next step is to start preparing for September. I'm going to try to make my classroom more attractive my not over-decorating. I read a book called "Spaces and Places." Although I didn't really love the book, I did come away with a few ideas.

I have more to say, but my eyes are tired and it's time for bed.
Suzanne

4 Comments

Notebooks and Work Stations
by: Suzanne, 07-12-2009

This summer I have a few ideas I want to investigate. I attended an introductory workshop on Literacy Work Stations (Debbie Diller stuff). I was intrigued, so I purchased (without doing enough investigation) three books by her.

Unfortunately two of the books are too primary for me, so after skim reading them I'm going to pass them on to a Kindergarten teacher at our school). The third one "Places and Spaces," or something like that, is okay. I like the idea of the work stations, but like everything, I think I need to make many modifications to meet my needs, our curricular needs, and the needs of my students. I haven't given up on the idea of creating literacy work stations, but I need to give it a lot more though. I did order an interesting book called CAFE about literacy. It sounds pretty good.

I'm also very interested in having my kids keep science notebooks next year. Actually they already use them, but it's just mostly to keep notes that I write on the Smartboard. I want them to be used more for inquiry. So I ordered some book on them and look forward to reading it next week. I may make my professional development goals this year to relate to science notebooks. We'll see.

Anyway, I'm excited about learning something new. I need a kick in the pants, and this will be just the summer to do it!

Suzanne

5 Comments

But I Don't Want to be in Charge!!!
by: Suzanne, 07-14-2009

It's a lovely Saturday afternoon. My husband and I are heading to a graduation party (one of my former students) in a few hours. I'm really looking forward to it. I feel like I've been a little social-deprived lately. I'm afraid I will truly like being a hermit if I don't extend myself more.

I've been in another "funk" lately, but I'm working my way out of it. I've never taken anti-depressants before, but lately they sound intriguing. It sound so much nicer not to have to "work out" of a funk. I may just make mention of it to my doctor when I go next month. But, then I'm afraid I will consider myself a "quitter."

So the title of my blog... I've noticed lately that I love to give out ideas, but I don't really enjoy being "in charge." When our principal retired at the end of the year I really wanted to be involved in the celebration(s) we had, and somehow I ended up "in charge." For example one afternoon we decided to decorate the lobby of the school to celebrate/honor/say good-bye to our beloved principal. Now granted, I did have the original idea, but that didn't mean I was "in charge." So that afternoon people started asking me questions like, "What do you want me to do?" and "What color streamers do you want me to use," and "What shall I put on this board?" I know that my frustration showed as I continued to respond, "I'm not in charge. Do whatever you'd like. We're all doing this."

I just noticed this same thing with my in-laws. I put out an email to my sister-in-law about going to a show this summer. It didn't necessarily mean that I wanted to make all the decisions, and that I had any pre-concieved ideas... it was just a "what do you think about going to a show?" I've receive two emails now back from her that require ME to make the decisions. Sigh. It really makes me think twice about sharing ideas... even if they are good ones.

I think I'm going to sign off now, and start another blog. The next blog will be more school related and I don't want to make this one too long.

But because this one is filled with complaints, I'll end with some positives:
  • I'm grateful that some of my former students have remembered me upon their graduation. I'm always so touched and honored.
  • I'm grateful for my washer and dryer. I will never forget the many hours I spent at the laundromat prior to moving into my house 15 or so years ago!
  • I'm grateful that I haven't yet spent all of my summer budget money. I have to say, though, it's already getting tight and I still have 1.5 months to go. Yikes!
Suzanne

1 Comments

This weather stinks!
by: Suzanne, 07-04-2009

Oh, my! Where are those hot, steamy summer days? They certainly aren’t here in the northeast! If I hear my jaded husband make one more derogatory comment about Al Gore and the greenhouse effect I think I will slap him! This morning it looked like the sun would come out so I opened up all of the windows to air out the joint, and now there is a thunderhead overhead. Sigh…


I was laughing hysterically at the posts about words/phrases that make us laugh! What an awesome post! It reminds me of the Wayne’s World movie for some reason.

My school is losing our principal of 19 years to retirement. We had a big shin-dig at a beautiful spot nearby. When we heard of his decision to retirement I immediately jumped into action to secure a site that would accommodate a large gathering. Then we formed a good-sized committee to plan the event. I seriously thought that we would have 200+ people attending. Our principal formerly worked in the middle school, and was very active in many committees and endeavors. Our committee met and we (notice I said “we” and not “I”) came up with a price of $70 per person which would cover dinner ($40), gift, DJ, centerpieces and incidentals (like mailings). We sent out invitations to all current and retired employees. I was shocked, and disappointed when we received only 90 positive responses. (We also gave the option to just be included in the gift, which only a few took advantage of). After the invitations went out I heard a lot of “noise” about the expensive cost. Yes, $70 is a lot, but this is for a man that I thought everyone loved. He has been in our district over 38 years! Some of the biggest complainers were the ones who go through Dunkin Donuts each morning to get their $3 coffee, or those who travel extensively. WTH!!! I don’t mind that they didn’t want to come, but don’t blame it on the price! Blame it on priorities.


So, the event was beautiful, despite the small crowd. Everyone had a fantastic time, especially our principal. The funny part is that our Superintendent decided to join my table at dinner. He came at the last minute, and came alone. When he sat down I thought I’d die. I wasn’t worried about anything I would say or do, but I was very concerned about my sometimes inappropriate husband and the other couple who we were with. Sure enough, my husband and the other husband put on a clinic of bad behavior. They both drank too much, and did not use the verbal filter with which they were born. I was mortified. The good news is that our sometimes stuffy superintendent LOVED the antics at our table… so much so that he followed up the evening with a letter to my husband and me thanking us for our hospitality. Ha ha ha!!!!


So with our principal retiring, and my best friend retiring (his wife, actually) in November, it makes me think of my own retirement (not for another 8-9 years). I wonder, who would come if there was a celebration? I have no idea.

I’m just about finished with my end-of-the-year thank you notes. I like to write personal ones out, and like to take some time and care while doing so. I think handwritten notes of any kind are a lost art, and I know how much I love to receive them. Once I finish with them, I will be able to move on to some other goals:
  • Read!!!!
  • Get into running/jogging.
  • Enjoy time with friends (and my husband, of course)
  • Organize some rooms in our house.
  • Learn about the works of Debbie Diller, and maybe Debbie Miller. I have really lost touch with what is new out there in educational trends. I feel like a fish out of water when I read some posts here.
Okay, husband is up, I better look busy! Happy Fourth!
Suzanne

0 Comments

Summer is here and so am I!
by: Suzanne, 07-01-2009

Hello, friends!

About three weeks ago I wrote a very long blog (so what else is new), but lost the whole dang thing when I went to spell check it. No spell checking this time.

As my title indicates, my school year is over and I'm back at ProTeacher. Today was my "official" first day of summer as we spent last weekend in Lake Placid with the "in laws." We had a great time but three nights was too long, and made it too expensive. We've been out of school for less than a week and I'm already worried about my "summer check" getting me through the summer.

While in Lake Placid we took a 1 hour sight-seeing boat ride. The tour guide pointed out all the "rich and famous" people owning homes on Lake Placid. He mentioned (but did not point out the house) that Bruce Springsteen has a place on Lake Placid and that his daughter is into horse competitions. (Coindidentally there was a horse show in town). So we weren't completely shocked when we saw Bruce pull out of a parking lot in town (in his Audi). He was kind enough to roll his window down and waved. Sweet.

I don't have many plans for the summer, other than to relax and find some peace. I'd like to hoe out some of my old clothes, books... and tackle each room in the house. I'd love to rent a dumpster for the day.

I'm looking forward to doing the same in my classroom. I've always enjoyed a "busy-looking" classroom, but I really need to clean it up. There are books/resources that I haven't used in 10 years. Why am I keeping them?

I attended an introductory workshop this spring on creating literacy work stations (ala Debbie Diller). I'd like to explore that some more. If you can recommend a good book (I teach fourth grade) on this topic, I'd love to hear about it.

My short term goal is to write many, many thank you cards for my students. I loved my class this year. Their end of the year gift to me was a decorated flower pot filled with about 150-200 cut out flowers. Students each filled out a bunch using sentence starters like, "My favorite fourth grade memory was..." or "I liked Mrs. Schiavoni because...". It's just beautiful. (My homeroom mom organized it without me knowing).

My husband and I have a few car shows to attend, as well as a five night trip with some friends to Virginia Beach. Other than that, it's just rest and relaxation.

I'll conclude with some things for which I'm grateful:
  • This peaceful and quiet day... all to myself.
  • I'm grateful that I finally grilled chicken on our charcoal grill without it tasting like shoe leather.
  • I'm grateful for my husband. He "completes me."
Suzanne

5 Comments

I've Been Cheating...
by: Suzanne, 06-01-2009

It's not because I don't LOVE ProTeacher!!!! I miss my ProTeacher freinds. I've been blogging a bit on sparkpeople.com (a weight loss site) and have found it difficult to blog in both places. Please take me back!

I've got good news, and not-so-good news. The good news is that I'm conquering my binge-eating issues. I've lost 9 pounds in a sensible, healthy way. I feel good about my healthier lifestyle! We're having a "Biggest Loser" competition at school. I've found it motivating and fun. We have weekly winners, but I haven't been one of them. I'm okay with that. I'm actually taking joy out of watching my friends lose, rather than feeling jealous.

I don't really want to rehash all the garbage that has gone on with my siblings since the death of my mother last June, but suffice it to say it has only become worse. While trying not to take sides between my sister and brother I have, in fact, fallen into the nonsense. Last weekend, Memorial Day weekend, I was feeling very down and sentimental about the loss of my family. I decided to make an attempt to see if my siblings could come together. NOPE. It will never happen. Had it just ended at that, I'd probably be okay, but my brother told me that I was not the aunt to his daughter that he had hoped for. Without sounding dramatic, it was crushing. I still cry at the thought of it. I know that I'm not comfortable around babies. I've never had one, never babysat, and have no experience with young children. I really felt like I was showing my niece lots of love through visits, (apparently not enough), gifts, and just taking joy out of the different stages of her growth. Arg...... I don't really want to get into the whole thing, but it's been incredibly painful. Now I have lost any desire to speak to or see my brother. He's turned his nastiness on me. A friend suggested that I keep a journal for my niece. I will avoid using it to say mean things about my brother, but rather to tell my niece how I feel about her on a regular basis. She can read it and learn about me when she gets older. My brother and his wife forget that I do have a lot to offer their daughter. In fact, I think I could do a better job teacher her about peace and love than her parents.

Okay, enough of this!!!! That's it! No more talk about my pathetic family... I just felt like I needed to explain where I've been.

I have 18 more days of school. Our last day is June 24th. During those 18 days I have 3 field trips, 1 wedding shower, 1 baby shower, 2 retirement parties, report cards, a class play and whatever else comes my way. The reward will be SUMMER!!!!!

Our principal is retiring this year. It will be bittersweet. I love the guy, but also look forward to a little change.

I'll end with a few thing for which I'm grateful...
  • Coming "home" to ProTeacher.
  • Seeing that many of my old ProTeacher friends are still kicking.
  • The intense shopping trip I took today. It's a good thing my husband wasn't home to see the damage! .
  • I LOVE the Real Housewives of New Jersey. (I've been addicted to trash television lately. What's up with that?).
  • The 9 pounds I've lost... and more to go!
Suzanne

10 Comments

It's Saturday Night and I Ain't Got No Money.
by: Suzanne, 03-08-2009

"It's Saturday Night and I Ain't Got No Money," is the name of an old Cat Steven's song. It's a pretty good description of me today. I tried to stimulate the economy today, and now have some buyer's remorse.

We're one of the ones who did not buy a house too grand, and we don't have a lot of debt, and for the most part we live within our means. Our credit score is in the low 800's and for that I'm proud. So why don't we ever have any money? It's frustrating. I'm suffering from a bad case of "I wants." It's not pretty. I would only admit it here, where you can't see that I'm blushing and so that I can't see the scornful look on your face. Here's my latest list of "I wants..."
  • new kitchen counter tops
  • new computer
  • new wardrobe (I worked a little on that today)
  • new living room furniture
  • a new pocketbook/purse
  • a pair of comfortable, but dressy brown shoes
  • renovate my "office."
  • Amazon's "Kindle 2"
So, as you can see, my list is long. I know this is not the time to be spending, but I watch people around me (specifically my brother and his wife, who are both teachers) with these things and more, and just can't help wonder how they do it.

Okay, that's enough of that garbage. I just had to get it off my chest.

I'm not having any luck in the eating/weight loss department. I just don't get it, but I am not going to continue my obsession with it here. I need to escape it for a little while.

On a more positive note, I'm just loving my class. Some of them run me ragged, but really they are such nice children. I'm lucky in that department.

I'll finish with some things for which I'm grateful... but I think I'm coming back tomorrow.
  • I'm grateful that I stopped myself from buying some silly diet supplement (acia, or something like that). I had planned on giving it a try, but after further investigation, I'm glad I didn't. "A fool and her money..."
  • I'm grateful for the new blouses and sweaters I bought. It's too bad I won't have anything to wear them with on the bottom. Our school might frown on waist-down nudity. This might be a problem.
  • I'm grateful for my job. I work with some (not all... it can't be that good) great people, and families. I just hope that it continues that way.
  • Although I don't like losing an hour sleep, I'm incredibly grateful that starting tomorrow it will be daylight later. Sweet! Maybe I won't feel like going to bed at 6:30 anymore.
Have a great Sunday tomorrow!
Suzanne

3 Comments

Where Have I Been?
by: Suzanne, 02-24-2009

I can't even remember the last time I blogged. I didn't really intend to stop blogging, but I guess I just ran out of things to say. I don't really have a lot to say today, but I miss my old friends, and just want to check in.

School is going well. (Especially this week... it's vacation week!). I really love my class. They are just nice, normal, sweet, energetic 10 year olds. They come with kind, thoughtful and trusting parents which makes it all the better. It's great to have years like this every once in awhile. Last year I never felt like I bonded with my whole class. Sure, I had individual students with whom I felt close, but as a group I just never felt we were on the same path.

There's quite a bit of drama going on at school, however. This will be our principal's last year. He's retiring. I love him, but we need some new blood. We're busy planning his retirement party which is a full time job in itself. We're all wondering who will take his place. Also, due to budget cuts, there has been talk of some people losing their jobs. That's creating a lot of stress. I'm not one to get all worked up until necessary, but there are some who are taking this to a whole new level... and no decisions have been made.

Also at school we have a number of young, new teachers who make our school feel like a set for "One Tree Hill," or one of those shows. The drama in their lives is borderline hysterical. We have a Kindergarten teacher who is sleeping with our phys. ed. teacher, who is sleeping with a married speech teacher. Yikes!!!! I just keep my head down and stay out of it. What are these people thinking?

My sister and brother are still not speaking, and it's doubtful that they ever will. The nastiness between them is deep. My relationship with them has really deteriorated in my attempt to not get in the middle of it all. Sometime I will blog about their antics. If some would have told me a year ago that all of this would happen I NEVER would have believed them.

My family used to be my support system. I guess I didn't realize it fully until now. I've always taken them, and my friends for granted. My friends have turned into my family lately. I don't have a huge group of friends, but the ones I have are "keepers." I really have been touched by my online friends both here at at sparkpeople. I'm constantly amazed and touched at the unconditional support I've received. I've connected with some women at sparkpeople who have a similar eating disorder. I'm trying to tackle my binge eating, with minor success. I guess I can be thankful I don't have drug or alcohol addictions.. but geez... food?

So I have the whole week off with few plans. It feels good to have some time to relax. I really need to do some hoe-ing out of some of the "crap" I've collected. I see a trip to the landfill in my future...

It's great to be back. My next step is to catch up on my blog reading! I am looking forward to reading about what you have all be up to. You know, I haven't even visited the Teacher's Lounge here? I will start with a trip there. I hope they remember me! .

I'll finish with some things for which I'm grateful...
  • As mentioned, I am really touched by the thoughtfulness of my friends here. I didn't mean to worry anyone, but it sure is nice to be missed. Thank you!
  • I'm grateful for this gorgeous day. It's really cold, but the sun is out and the days feel longer.
  • I have discovered the show "Brothers and Sisters" and am totally addicted. I am about halfway through season 2 and LOVE it! I have season 3 waiting for me on DVR. I love Rob Lowe.
Okay, that's it! Thanks for staying with me!
Suzanne

5 Comments

Boring
by: Suzanne, 02-17-2009

Boring, that's what I am. I just made that discovery. I think I've always known it, but lately it is clear in so many ways.

Recently I started up a facebook account. I'm not sure exactly why, but I thought it might be fun to hear from old friends from high school. Wrong!!! No one wants to be "my friend." . (With the one exception of a very hot guy in Italy who shares my (married) last name. I think he's doing some family tree stuff.

Another example is that my phone at home NEVER rings unless it's a tele-marketer, or my mother-in-law. No one ever calls.

My emails are all ads, or sites I've subscribed to. Rarely is there a newsy email from a friend or family member.

I know I'm not the most exciting person... I'm not gorgeous, ugly, athletic, crafty, witty, crabby... I don't know what I am.

To the friends I have I do think I'm a good friend, but I'm not anyone that is sought over to attend parties, functions....

It's just strange.

Now, one thing I do know about myself is that I am moody. Today I guess I feel lonely, but tomorrow I will feel like I want to be a hermit. I should be careful what I wish for...

So, before I completely depress anyone who reads this, I will conclude with some positives; for these I am grateful:
  • My Christmas tree and meager decorations are down and put away.
  • The sun is out.
  • I'm on day three of exercising. I feel great about that.
  • My thank you notes to my kids and family are finished! Yahoo!
Suzanne

11 Comments

'Twas the day before Christmas...
by: Suzanne, 12-26-2008

It feels strangely quiet today. It doesn't feel like "Christmas Eve." That's okay, though, it beats any kind of "drama" which was the theme of last year's Christmas Eve.

I've been up since about 7am (it's 11am) preparing some items I offered to bring to my inlaws tomorrow. I'm making a Panzanella salad (bread salad), and homemade cranberry relish. I also have been cleaning the kitchen up from last night's dinner.

Last night I invited my brother, sister-in-law and 18 month old niece over for dinner. We hadn't really sat around and chatted in quite some time. (They live right around the corner). We had a great time. It was very nice. I gave my brother one of his Christmas gifts. It was a cd filled with family photos and the dvd/slideshow I made highlighting some of the favorite photos. We watched it and he loved it. I warned him that the music was sappy. I thought it was interesting that he didn't really take much interest in the old photos from our parents' early days. He did, however, get emotional when he saw a photo of my (deceased) mom with his daughter. And strangely he wasn't sad because my mom wasn't with us, he was sad to see how fast his daughter was growing up. Now I know I'm not a parent, and I will never understand the bond between parent and child, but geeze.... I sure wish he could extend his happy memories to those of our whole family, and not just his new immediate family.

So it sounds like I'm complaining about his reaction to the gift. I truly am not. I understand that we are all different. I only write about it as an observation. It kind of puts things into perspective for me. I'm glad I made the dvd, and glad that he has our family archived photos now. He can do whatever he'd like to do with him. (It's as if his timeline of life has been erased and started with the birth of his child).

We're going "visiting" tonight. I think I may go to church beforehand. I haven't gone to church for Christmas in years, but may give it a shot. I'm not making any promises.

My plans for the afternoon are pretty simple. I'm going to shower up, put on some "lounge wear" and get busy writing some thank you cards to my students. I'm sure there will be lots of snacking involved in the process. I feel like a beached whale, but can't seem to do anything about it.

My dear husband has just moved into the living room which means my chances of watching multiple episodes of my stored soap opera are slim. Drats!

Merry Christmas, everyone!
Suzanne

3 Comments

The Still of the Morning...
by: Suzanne, 12-25-2008

I love early mornings. I miss my days of walking/jogging before the sun rises. I just have no motivation anymore. It's still beautiful out. Now that the "last day before school vacation rush" is behind me, I'm really settling into a relax mode.... kind of.

Yesterday I went out to lunch with two girl friends. It was very nice, and a great way to start off the two weeks off. I did lock myself out of my house, though, and had to wade through 3 feet of snow to get to our screened porch. It was actually kind of comical.

I invited my brother and sister-in-law to dinner tonight. I haven't spent much time with them at all and miss them. I'm going to give my brother the dvd of family photos I made for him tonight. I made it set to music using the photos I found in my mom's basement. I sure hope he likes it.

I'm meeting for coffee with my sister today as well. I think we are all feeling a bit sentimental these days. My brother, sister and I use to be so close, and now here we are meeting at Starbucks for coffee. Strange. Maybe some Christmas magic will occur.

In just a few minutes I'm going to attempt those freaking oreo balls. I say "freaking" because I do not need another food addiction, but I'm dying to give them a try.

I sent out about 60 Christmas cards this year. I feel very good about it. Despite the economy, I think people need some cheer. I feel the same way about Christmas gifts this year. I tried to cut back, but with so much dismal news I don't really think this is the time for me to cut back. Giving gifts gives me joy.... I just tried to put even more thought into the gifts this year.

My cats seen to know that I will be with them for two weeks (hopefully on the couch). They will not leave my side. Last night while watching television I had them both laying on me. They are BIG Maine Coon cats. I love it! (In fact, I have one laying on my lap right now purring very loudly).

I have a few goals for the vacation. Here they go:
  • I want to read at least 3 books. It's been so long since I've just sat and read.
  • I want to go for a few walks. It's been a long time since I've done that, too.
  • I would love to work for a day or two in my classroom. I really need to come up with some new ideas.
  • Long term, I'd like to get my credit card debt down to zero, and start saving. Thankfully our debt isn't very bad at all, but I always worry about our financial future.
The goals seem pretty realistic, so I don't think I'll have too much trouble. I'll end with a few things for which I'm grateful, then I'll attempt those "oreo balls."
  • I'm grateful that a former students nominated me for a local radio station's "Teacher of the Week," and I won! It was so cool. I was presented with a plaque, a dozen roses and some gift cards to local shops/restaurants. How sweet is that? (Again, I wish mom were alive as she would have taken even greater joy out of it).
  • I'm grateful for my funny husband. He's not the type to pamper me, or spoil me, but he sure makes me laugh.
  • I'm grateful that I will spend some time with my brother tonight. I do miss him.
Enjoying the morning...
Suzanne

6 Comments

Christmas
by: Suzanne, 12-21-2008

As usual, I'm stumped with the "Descriptive Title," so I will just call this Christmas. Afterall, tis' the season...

It's been awhile since I've blogged. It's been awhile since I've done anything relaxing. This morning was the first morning in ages that I didn't have to have an alarm clock awaken me.

Friday was our last day of school before Christmas. I loved spending it with my class. They are so very sweet and fun to be around. They loved the gifts I gave them and each one gave me a hug before leaving at the end of the day. It was a near perfect last day. (I have a "helicopter mom" who spent far too much time in my room on Friday. She is the only thing that prevents me from saying it was a perfect day). This is going to sound selfish, but I really hate sharing my class with anyone on such a joyous day. I want to have as much fun as I'd like without having a parent watching my every move. I know she means well, though.

It was a challenging week though as I tried to balance out the fun, academics and fight a cold at the same time. It seemed to work okay. The week started out horribly as I discovered a dead bird in my classroom upon my arrival in the morning. I could sense something wasn't right as there were spots of "stuff" all over the place, and especially near the window. I had the (incredibly lazy) custodian check it out and he just shrugged (didn't even offer to clean up the spots/mess). When I went to turn on the lights to the Christmas tree, that's when I saw the dead bird. Poor thing. I was horrified, and still am. I ran out to get the lazy custodian back and he thankfully took care of it then. I guess the bird was caught in the rafters in the building. I'm not a huge bird lover (I don't like anything that flys), but I do feel so sad for that poor bird. What a way to start the week.

(I need to change the topic... fast)

I'm nearly finished with Christmas shopping. I just have two gift cards to buy, a savings bond to purchase, and two checks to write. I haven't started to wrap, but I will today while I make a turkey dinner.

I really tried to cut back this year, but I hated doing so. It's not my nature. I had to use my charge card a bit, but I don't foresee any big expenses in the next few months, so hopefully I can get out from under quickly.

As much as I love him, my husband has not helped at all (financially or otherwise) with Christmas this year. It's not anything new, but I do get annoyed with his "coulda, shoulda, woulda" attitude. He came up with the brilliant idea of not exchanging gifts with me to save money. I totally agree with the saving money idea, but I'm the ONLY person he buys for!!!! WTH?

This is the first Christmas since my mom's death. I didn't think it would affect me so much, but it does. So many times lately I have reflected on what a big part of my life she played. For example, we use to go out for lunch every Saturday or Sunday. She would go anywhere, as long as we're together. Now I have a stack of gift cards to restaurants I know my husband doesn't love (Applebees, Fridays, Ruby Tuesdays...). They were given by my class last year. My mom was always such a good sport about that. Also, my class this year (with the help of a parent) created a book for me stating all the reasons they loved me. It is gorgeous, and I love it. I know my mother would have loved it even more than me. She's the only person I would have shared it with as with anyone else it looks like I'm boasting. She would have been so proud. I do miss her. Sadly, I use to think that she was the cause of a lot of stress I would feel around the holidays. I use to do her shopping for her, and every year there was a big fiasco about when we would decorate her house for the holidays. (This is where the tension between my mom and sister was at its height). I have discovered that she was not the cause at all. The holiday stress is still with me. I create my own stress. I wish I had known before.

My siblings are still not speaking. It's become more of a "fact of life" now, but I do hate it. I don't see either of them very often but when the subject comes up it's pretty clear that although both seem to miss "the good old days," neither is ready to let things go. My sister keeps talking of forgiving my brother. That's noble, but with that she needs to take some ownership in her part. That will never happen. My brother is so hurt, tired and self-absorbed that he doesn't really miss my sister at all. It's all pathetic.

It's snowing beautifully right now. I'm glad that I don't have any "must do" errands. I may make a trip to the liquor store and hardware store, but that's about it. I'm going to make my first ever turkey dinner for my husband and me tonight. I'm excited about that. Other than that, it will be just cooking, wrapping and hanging out. Yahoo!

I'll end with some things for which I'm grateful...
I'm grateful that I have TWO weeks off from school. I plan on catching up on reading, exercising, and organzing (after I write the 30+ thank you notes!).

I'm grateful for my quiet night alone last night. My husband had a poker game to attend and I caught up on some television shows. I had tortilla chips and salsa for dinner, and some Christmas candy for dessert.

I'm grateful for the beautiful snow outside right now. It seriously looks like a gorgeous Christmas card.

Merry Christmas!
Suzanne

4 Comments

Too Much Popcorn
by: Suzanne, 11-27-2008

So my husband bought a tin of caramel popcorn a few days ago and I've pretty much devoured the whole thing. Disgusting, but delicious.

I'm excited to have a few days off from school. Monday and Tuesday seemed to go by slowly. I spent all day today working in my classroom (without kids!). I really wanted to do some decorating for Christmas. I took a trip to the dollar store yesterday and bought some huge snowflakes to hang from the ceiling, and bought some other junk. I also bought a coloring book for each student. I was going to give them as a part of their Christmas present, but thought I'd put it on their desks for Monday. I know it will wind them up, but that's okay. It's all good. I kind of wish I had bought an extra coloring book for me. I love to color, it's so calming. I put up an advent calendar my grandmother had made me that I cherish. I also put up a display about Paris, France, as we will be reading The Family Under the Bridge in a few days.

I just returned from a trip to Target. I just love that store, especially when I have time to browse. I'm going to go some evening next week to shop for the two children I "adopted" from our Community Center. I won't be able to go as crazy as I have in the past, but I do look forward to it.

I have a couple of projects for this Thanksgiving break. I'd like to:
  • Create a dvd to music of family photos I had scanned to give to my siblings for Christmas.
  • Write Christmas cards. I don't think I wrote them last year, and would like to get back into the habit, although I'll trim down my list.
  • Sort through my Christmas files. I brought home two huge file folders stuffed with Christmas related sheets, activities... They really are a mess and deserve to be preserved a bit better.
My husband and I don't have any plans for Thanksgiving so I have lots of time to work on these. It will be a quiet day, but we will spend Friday and Saturday with my husband's family. That will be fun.

I'll end with some things for which I'm grateful:
  • This quiet holiday as a time to reflect and remember.
  • The quality time I spent in my classroom today.
  • We are fortunate enough to have a woman come every week to clean our house. What an incredible treat!
Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!!!
Suzanne

4 Comments

Trying To Stay Positive
by: Suzanne, 11-23-2008

I'm trying to stay positive, but it's really hard. Everyone around me seems to be so negative. One person in particular is constantly "venting." Now I have nothing against blowing off steam, but it is endless. All of her points and frustrations are valid, and I share in many of them, but I just don't want to verbalize each time I feel slighted.

(I promise I will end with something positive). Today I received my charge card bill. I discovered that I've been charged 22% APR instead of the 8.8% that I thought I was paying. I made a call and found out that this is a result of an issue created by my sister in early September. She had written me a check on a new account. I cashed it, but it hadn't cleared. Unbeknownst to me, my credit card payment bounced. So, not only did I have to pay a late fee, and bounced check fee for my credit card, but now I'm at a huge interest rate. It just stinks. Through tears (by me) my husband and I did some creative financing to pay off that freaking credit card and switched to another one. I'm so mad I could spit.

My mom's house (mom died in June) is on the market. It's an awful time to have a house on the market around here. I miss my mom a lot, and just wish I could put it all behind me. My feuding siblings are a constant reminder of how much our family has crumbled. Shame of them.

I am looking forward to the holidays, not so much for the celebrating, but for the quiet time. I'd love to find a remote spot and just hide there.

Onto some positive thoughts. I love, love, love my class. I feel like I am actually teaching something, and they are learning. The are appreciative, funny, caring and genuine. They just wrote some amazing pen pal letters. I'm very proud of them.

My husband and I are going on an over-night on Saturday to use a gift certificate to an Inn about an hour away. I'm looking forward to it, but after this whole credit card issue, I don't really want to spend another cent. (Last weekend I booked an April trip to Myrtle Beach. I regret that, too. Of course my husband reminding me that it wasn't the wisest thing to do didn't help my mood any). My husband and I decided not to have children. That's fine, but my feeling is that if we don't have children, we should be able to afford at least one nice vacation a year. He doesn't always feel the same, unless our vacation has something to do with a classic car/truck show. That's frustrating.

So, I'll end with some things for which I'm grateful:
  • My 21 fourth graders.
  • The fact that after 24 years of teaching, it's finally becoming a little easier.
  • Despite my anxiety and anger over the credit card issue, we still have a home, not much debt, and a decent life. I know there are some who aren't as fortunate.
It's time for bed.
Thanks for listening.
Suzanne

5 Comments

Life, School...
by: Suzanne, 11-08-2008

I just noticed that the last time I blogged was October 10th! Where have I been? Thankfully just busy, I guess.

I LOVE my class. I earn every cent of my paycheck, but am having a great year.

We just finished three days of Parent/Teacher conferences. We had a half day on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. They really wiped me out though. All the parents came as scheduled, and couldn't have been more supportive. It's amazing. I write lengthy narratives for the parents/students. Writing them allows me a great chance to reflect on each child. I start with a basic template describing what we are studying, and then for each child I add how that child is doing. I try to add a few candid photos, and print them on paper with fancy borders. It's incredibly time consuming, but I know if I were a parent I would love them.

I'm just completing week 2 of Weight Watchers. Because I'm 46, I think that this weight will come off more slowly than in the past, but I'm motivated. I haven't been good at all about exercise, but I'm using parent/teacher conferences as my excuse. this latest attempt is the result of me turning 46 and feeling 76! My husband and I went away for the weekend to celebrate our anniversary and my birthday. We both drank too much at dinner and "night caps" on Friday night, and I could barely function on my 46th birthday. I felt horrible. I vowed that I will be in much better shape (physically and mentally) when I turn 47. I figured I have 365 days to turn things around.

Because of report cards and conferences, I have a boat-load of correcting to do this weekend. Yuck. I'm attending a reading related workshop this morning (8:30-12:30), then will do the grocery shopping. I have a few other errands to do.

I'll close with some positive thoughts:
  • Report cards/ conferences are finished!!!!
  • After two weeks on Weight Watchers, I feel lots better.
  • There are hints that my estranged sister and brother are reaching out to each other a little.
  • I love my life.
Suzanne

3 Comments

Weekend Rambling....
by: Suzanne, 10-10-2008

I've been such a slug today. I think it's this crisp fall air, along with it getting darker earlier. I just feel like crawling into bed, but it's only 4:30pm!

My sister is driving me nuts. Last weekend she wrote me an email asking what our intentions were for Thanksgiving. I explained that I really didn't want to choose sides as to who we celebrate with (my sister and brother are feuding, and my mom recently died), so it would be best if we all did our own thing. I received a lengthy "rant" back from her which was very upsetting. I decided not to reply (even though I seriously wanted to have the last word). I'm proud of myself for that decision as I know it was for the best.

She just emailed me to tell me all she has done recently to my mom's house to get it ready to put it on the market. I read about the cleaning, vacuuming... that she did, and can't help but wonder why she's telling me this now rather than beforehand so that I could help. I'm sure it was to just "play with me" and make me feel guilty. I really hate her game-playing. She wonders why I don't want to spend time with her. Why would I? I'm sure she's expecting that I write to her, thank her for all she's done, tell her that she should have told me and I would have helped... (yadda, yadda, yadda). But that's exactly what she expects me to do. Instead, I think I will wait a few days before I decide what to do.

A few months ago, when all of this turmoil was most blatent, I couldn't understand how my siblings could decide that they didn't want to have a relationship. Sadly, I'm understanding more and more. I guess we all just come to a point, or an age, where it's just too exhausting. I think I'm to that point now. I love my sister but she's changed. Although she's become religious, with that she has become very judgemental and righteous. On top of that she's always been manipulative and revengeful. These are characteristics that frighten me. I wonder if our past sisterly relationship has always been based on fear.

I really miss my mom. She was a great sounding board for me when it came to my sibling relationships. We didn't always agree, but she sure did listen. My husband really doesn't want to hear about it, and I don't want to burden my friends with my feelings, so I guess that's why I write about it all here. Hope you don't mind.

Onto a better topic...

I just love my class and school this year. I've stepped away from some of the gossip circles from last year and am trying to focus more on my class. I've also decided to pretty much just take care of my class, rather than the whole fourth grade. That's very liberating.

I'm avoiding doing interim reports this weekend. Generally we only write them for students having troubles, but if I'm going to write them, I want to do them for everyone. I'm toying with making a generic template rather than just writing a paragraph. For many of the students I have pretty much the same message, that their child is doing well, and is right on track. Maybe I'll give that a try.

Now I'm motivated to get started... that's good news...

I'll end with some things for which I'm grateful:
  • I just love my class. They are sweet, well-mannered and just normal kids.
  • We had a great time last night at an Oktoberfest with some friends. This is a hilarious group. We played a little poker, but with little success.
  • I caught up with all of the shows stored on my dvr. Someday, when I'm rich, I'll get one in the bedroom so I can watch them during the week.
Thanks for listening
Suzanne

2 Comments

One Month Down
by: Suzanne, 09-28-2008

September always feels like such a long month. Between trying to squeeze in some last minute summer fun, the anxiety of the new school year, and 4 weeks of 5 day work weeks.... I'm exhausted.

I've started a new routine that I'm trying to break. I usually get home from school around 5pm, make dinner, eat, watch television and fall asleep on the couch. I wake up at 9ish, and do whatever must be done for the next day, and go to bed around 10pm. The next morning comes too quickly. It's not what I call a fulfilling lifestyle. In an effort to break this awful routine, one evening last week my husband and I took a walk after dinner instead of a nap. That really did help. The only problem is that I walk every morning for an hour before school, and my feet really hurt if I do two long walks a day. Oh, I'm complaining, and that's not my intent.

I have the best class. They truly are a joy. What has amazed me most about this year is how "quiet" parents have been. I've yet to receive an "I'm concerned..." phone call/email, and the interactions I've had so far have been nothing but positive. I actually had every family represented at Open House. Amazing. I am so blessed.

I've always had anxiety about working with parents. There was nothing to prepare me for parent communication in college. (There should be a whole course on it). When I first started teaching I always felt just too young to be giving parents advice. Then, after some aging, I then felt awkward giving advice to parents when I'm not one myself. Well, I'm still not a parent, yet at this point I feel a bit more comfortable with my 20+ years of experience with working with 10 year olds. I guess I'm finally reaping the benefits.

I went to a technology workshop on Friday. The morning was an introduction to Microsoft Office 2007, while the afternoon was about "How to Jazz Up Your Powerpoint." Both were informative, and worthwhile. I am glad about that. I can't help but think how much I would love a job like our facilitator's job. Working in an office with adults is intriguing to me. I love technology and especially using it in the classroom. On the otherhand, I would have a hard time dealing with my adult "students." I can excuse a 10 year old for being inattentive or inadvertantly rude, but would have a hard time excusing a teacher for the same behavior.

I have a big job ahead of me tomorrow. I'm going to bake 50 or so cookies in the shape of NY State for my students to decorate on Monday. I did this last year and they were a hit. It was an expensive project, but it was a lot of fun. I bought containers of white frosting for the base, green sprinkles for the land, blue "gel" for the rivers/lakes, chocolate chips for the mountain ranges... and now that I'm thinking about it, I forgot the capital... hmmm...maybe an m&m. This year's class will absolutely love the project. Last year's class liked it, but wondered why they couldn't decorate 3 cookies instead of two.

My siblings still haven't spoken to each other. It's been two months. I'm amazed it's gone on this long. I'm ashamed of both of them. I can't help but feel sorry for them both. Is money really that important?

I may have written this previously, but my sister-in-law asked if she could join me on my 5am walks. What could I say? We use to be walking/running partners years ago, but so much has changed... I had started this morning exercise routine to try to become a "runner" once again. I also absolutely love the peace of the morning. That has all changed. Every morning I have to hear about her aches and pains, family troubles (she and her brother are feuding. It follows her wherever she goes), and daily drama. The worst part is, she's a slow walker, so I don't even break a sweat!

Oh, I'm doing far too much complaining today. I seriously don't mean to!!!

I think I'll end with a few happy thoughts:
  • I'm enjoying this quiet, peaceful weekend, with an easy to-do list.
  • I had dinner with my best friend (besides my husband) last night. It was so good to catch up.
  • My cat, Andy, looks great lately. Over the summer he had looked so skinny, and now he's bulking up... just like me.
Suzanne

3 Comments

Sunday Night Musings
by: Suzanne, 09-16-2008

I miss being able to blog and post on ProTeacher. There just isn't enough time. I don't really even get to read posts, which makes me very sad. I know I will get into my "groove" before long.

I LOVE my class. They are by no means perfect, but they are just sweet and eager to learn and eager to please. I'm especially excited because it appears that I don't have any "Helicopter Parents," who "hover" over me. In fact, it's been quite the opposite. The papers I've sent home to be signed come back the next day, sometimes even with a nice note. Yahoo! I didn't dislike my class last year, but I just never connected with them.

I do have one little boy who would be a great candidate for "the patch." He is so hyper, but so far it's been managable. He has no self control, but we are working on it. He lives with his grandparents, so I'm guessing he has a not-too-pretty history. I really do love him, though.

This was a perfect weekend for me. It started out with a Friday night dinner with my husband, brother and sister-in-law. We hadn't done that in many, many months. I did miss having my sister there as we use to always go out every Friday for "kids' night." Now that my brother and sister are estranged, it's a bit different.

Saturday I spent a few hours in my classroom. I got a lot done, and feel pretty ready for our Open House on Wednesday. I grocery shopped and tried to do some clothes shopping.

The clothes shopping was the only disappointment of the weekend. I usually wear a size 10, but over the last year I've been growing. I was completely prepared to buy size 12 pants, but was stunned with even those were tight. OMG!!!!! Drastic times call for drastic measures! On the first day of school I started running/walking in the morning, getting up at 5:15. My sister-in-law asked to join me, but isn't quite ready for the running part. I've decided to do "Turbo Sculpt" when I get home from school. I tried it today and really liked it. I will also resume counting "points" tomorrow... although I ate sensibly today.

I'm becomng familiar with my "smartboard" as school. It really has been hard for me to find the time to learn this new technology. I had gone to a training last March, but I only received the smartboard the first week of school. (And so much has happened in my life since last March). I spent some time today "playing" with it remotely from my home computer. I learned how to do a few neat tricks. I also learned where to find a graph paper template. I spent an entire 45 minute prep period last week looking for it.

Our school morale is at an all-time low. This is probably our principal's last year and I think he's oblivious to what is going on. I really love our principal, but it's time for a change. I'd love to see someone who really loves children, community... Our principal is awesome at supporting teachers, dealing with parents and misbehaving children. He's also great about talking about test scores. Unfortunately, in my opinion, he lacks creativity and warmth. Many teachers are already worried about what we "could" get for a new principal, but I think I could work with just about anyone. We'll see about that...

I have a few more spelling sentences to correct. (They did a wonderful job on their first attemt. I'm always amazed, though, at how many kids can misspell a spelling word). I'll be watching Big Brother, then hope to start a book on a local murder case.

I'll end with some things for which I'm grateful...
  • I loved this quiet, relaxed weekend. I hope there are many more to come.
  • I'm grateful that my credit card company took mercy on me and didn't charge me some fees/fines that they could have charged me for. The issue was not my fault, but I decided to offer a humble and sincere apology instead of sending them a letter filled with excuses. It worked.
  • I'm grateful for my lovely class. I think this will be a terrific year.
  • I'm grateful for the 25 pounds I'm going to lose by Christmas. How's that for positive thinking?
Suzanne

1 Comments

Last Day of Freedom
by: Suzanne, 09-01-2008

Well, this is it. Tomorrow I return to school for meetings, and then the kids join us on Wednesday. My room is pretty much ready (except for a current events bulletin board that is empty). I worked on plans for the first few days this morning, so I'm ready in that department, too.

I have a few goals for this school year. Here they are:
  • I really, really want to be more patient and loving with my students. I'm not at all mean, but I would love to be softer and more gentle. I tend to be more humorous, and sometimes sarcastic.
  • I really need to get away from worksheets. I've become so traditional and I can't stand it. 15 years ago I was team teaching in a multi-age 3/4 grade combo. It was a pilot program, and the only one in our district. I just loved it. We didn't use textbooks, and it was very child-centered and project oriented. What happened to me?
  • I may try to come to school a bit later this year, and go home a little later. In the past I've arrived at about 7:30, and the kids come at 9:05. Unfortunately I spend a good deal of that time talking and socializing, and I don't get a lot done. I may aim for 8:15 or so, and leave a little later. When I leave I'd like to be 100% prepared for the following day. Leaving school later in the afternoon will hopefully curb my pre-dinner meal at home.
As far a personal goals, they are the same old things...
  • incorporate exercise into my daily routine
  • eat like a human
  • keep reading (for pleasure). I tend to stop reading once school starts.
So, I'm not sure what to do with this day ahead. It's gorgeous weather, so I should at the very least take a walk. We are completely broke, so any shopping is out of the question.

I'm worried about my cats. One of them urinated in an (empty) laundry basket yesterday. I don't know why and hope that it's not due to a health problem. One of my guys, Andy, is getting thin, and I don't know why. I brought him to the vet in July and the doctor wasn't incredibly concerned, but suggested I bring him back in a few months to get weighed. I love my "boys" dearly, and pray that nothing is wrong with either.

And on a final note, I went to church on Sunday, which is not part of my normal routine. One of my students from last year arranged for a mass in memory of my mom and it was on Sunday. I'm not a huge fan of organized religion, but I have to say I do love our priest. Every time I hear his homily I "get it." Sunday was no exception. I feel like the priest is speaking directly to me.

Okay, enough of this. I'm going to enjoy this day. I have a hankering for spag and balls, so I'm going to make some for this last dinner before the end of freedom!!!!

Thanks for reading!
Suzanne

Oh, and I'm grateful for:
  • This gorgeous day.
  • The four outfits that I found in my closet that actually fit (for the first 4 days).
  • This last day of freedom.

2 Comments

All or Nothing
by: Suzanne, 08-30-2008

I'm an all-or-nothing kind of person. When I'm good, I'm really good, and when I'm bad.... I say this mostly as it pertains to my relationship with food and healthy living. For a few weeks this summer I was exercising every day, taking my vitamins, eating like a human.... But these past few weeks have been just awful! Why don't I take my vitamins when I'm eating poorly? Why can't I exercise and eat garbage? Hmmmm

On a different topic I opted out of a Motley Crue concert with my husband tonight. I've already seen them 3 times, and I'm tired from the past few day's high-jinx. My husband brought along a friend so I'm sure he's having a good time.

My brother, his wife, and my niece came over for a bit tonight. It was nice to see them but I'm reminded of how much I don't miss their drama. We did have a nice visit, though.

My husband, sister-in-law, her husband and I went to NYC for an overnight trip to see the Yankees VS Red Sox game this week. We had a wonderful time. I stopped following the Red Sox when they lost Manny Ramirez, but still enjoy a live ball game. While in Manhattan we visited a bar that had bras hanging from the ceiling. My sister-in-law (a notorious instigator) dared me to hang my bra. I had no real problem with it except it was a $40 bra and the only bra I had left was black, and I had planned on wearing a white t-shirt to the day game the next day. (I'm not a snazzy dresser, but I'm guessing a black bra under a white tee isn't cool). Anyway, one of our friends bought me a black t-shirt from the bar so that I could wear that to the game on the following day. So, I removed my bra (in the rest room), "tagged it" with a sharpie marker and the bartender hung it. Well... after thinking about it I was concerned that I would be wearing a black t-shirt for 4 hours in the sun in 80+ degree weather. So, I snagged the bra off the ceiling and wore it inside out the next day. I know, it's kind of a stupid story, but when you get 45+, these things seem like quite a big deal.

I'm back to dreading the start of school, but I think that will go away after a few more hours of room prep. I still haven't spoken with the special ed. teacher, so I have no idea what a typical day will look like. It's very frustrating to me. I remember the old days when I was in charge of my students and classroom. Now, at a parent conference I'm likely to have the spec. ed. teacher, reading teacher, speech teacher.... It's not that I don't value their opinions and expertise, but I'm just making an observation.

My sibling drama subsided a bit, but my sister is up to some old tricks. She sent me a partial disbursement from my mom's estate and her check bounced. I should have known. The ironic part is my sister is incredibly wealthy, and doesn't need another dime, so when I whine about the $25 fee I will have to pay she has no clue.

I'm off to bed. I hope my husband comes home safe, sound and early. (I doubt he'll be early... well, early morning maybe). I know I could never have children as I worry about him when he's not home. I'd be a bigger wreck with kids.

I'll end with some things that make me happy:
  • My niece is absolutely adorable.
  • Even though I had a fun time in NYC, I love being home.
  • I love toast with butter and cinnamon sugar.
Suzanne

2 Comments

People
by: Suzanne, 08-27-2008

As I've said before, I always get hung up on the "descriptive title" for these blogs. My thoughts are usually just random thoughts, as they will be today.

I will be back at school a week from today. Another summer in the books. I can't say that I'm looking forward to going back to school, but I'm not dreading it anymore, and that's good.

As I'm sure everyone can relate, there are people at school I'm not thrilled about seeing. For example, the special ed. teacher who will do anything and everything NOT to do her job. And then there are a few toxic people who just suck the life out of me.

I spent Saturday in school to do some photocopying. I know that I'm fortunate to be able to do this, but it's never without a jam or in this case a lack of paper. I used all the paper in both copiers, and even the paper in the computer room. I considered going into everyone's classrooms and taking paper from their printers, but thought better of it. I think someone restocked the paper supply yesterday. Happy day.

I had planned on working in my room tomorrow morning while my house was being cleaned. Unfortunately a friend said she's having an "Open House" for her incoming students. If I were to work in my room it would mean a steady stream of parents and former students stopping in. I'm just not ready for that. I love having a housekeeper, but I hate it in the summer. I find myself wasting time waiting for her to go. I think I will go to the library tomorrow w/ipod and hang out.

I found a wonderful podcast to help me with my binge eating. I have only listened to two episodes, but I think it's the answer to my prayers. (Although it didn't influence me enough to decline the two cocktails I had with some girlfriends at lunch). Baby steps. I'm looking forward to listening to more tomorrow.

Speaking of tomorrow, I'm heading to NYC tomorrow to see a Yankees VS Red Sox game. I'm looking forward to it, but not to the drive. I'm a nervous nellie in heavy traffic (as a passenger). I will have to take a valium, which won't help a bit until we get to the city and I will want to go to sleep. Oh well. I'll tell you, it's hard being me!

I went to my niece's first birthday party on Sunday. There were about 25 people there, and only two from my family (my husband and me). That was odd. Holidays and events such as that are going to be tough.

I'll finish (quickly because Big Brother is starting) with some things for which I'm grateful:
  • I loved going out to an impromtu dinner tonight with my husband and another couple. I am blessed to have some great friends.
  • I'm grateful to have found a company who will make an archive of all of the wonderful photos I've found from my mom's house. He will put them on a dvd for me. Yahoo.
  • I'm grateful for my health. I've never had more than a cold (okay, maybe strep once), and an occasional hangover. I really need to appreciate this and take better care of myself.
Suzanne

1 Comments

Sunday's Procrastination
by: Suzanne, 08-26-2008

This is my second-to-last Sunday of summer vacation. I plan to waste every minute of it!

Actually, it's 10:30am and I've already put in a full day (well, a summer day, anyway). I made some banana nut muffins, read the paper, and washed the grimey cupboards. (It's times like this when I'm glad I live in a small home). We're going to a bbq today so I made some "crack" as well. ("Crack" is a melted rolo between two square pretzles. We call it "crack" because it's addicting.)

I came up to the computer to write my "welcome back" letters and have already found a million other things to do. I don't know what it is this year about writing those letters... I think it is after I write and send them, it means I really do have to go back to school at some point.

My husband just informed me that I have "pissed the summer away." . I beg to differ. I did have a hard time coming up with accomplishments besides putting on 5-8 pounds and spending lots of money. I still have two weeks to redeem myself, or not.

I have a "date" with myself on Wednesday to go to a lovely pool in the next town over and spend the day pool side. I can't wait. I had planned on going often this summer, but the weather has been miserable.

I really didn't want to go to this bbq today, and looked for a little support from my husband to decline the offer. But, he wanted to go and reminded me that we really didn't have anything else to do, so we're going. I love the people there, but I just feel so fat and lazy.

I worked in my room for 4 hours on Saturday and have all of my bulletin boards up, and did some cleaning/organizing as well. I'm not even close to planning for the first week, but I'm a few steps closer. I have a new schedule this year which will be hard to get use to, but I don't mind a change. I do wish that our special ed. teachers were more available over the summer to do some scheduling. They usually don't come to school until the first day back. Everyone needs to see them for scheduling at the same time. I can't make my plan book or make many other decisions until they have scheduled my kids. I feel the stress returning...

I'm becoming more comfortable with my family situation. I'm still enjoying reading my dad's letters to his parents from his Navy days. I laugh because he had a 1954 Chevy Belair... just what I would love to own. I never knew he owned one. (Of course back then it was a new car, and not a classic).

It looks like a gorgeous day today. I have to find some corn on the cob to bring to this bbq. I think I got off easy!

I'll end with some things for which I'm grateful...
  • It's a beautiful day for a change.
  • My husband. I know I say it often, but he is a keeper.
  • (Don't laugh), My period... if it weren't for it I would never throw things away, or have a desire to organize.
Suzanne

5 Comments

Treasures
by: Suzanne, 08-14-2008

On my last blog I had mentioned the good fortune that I had acquired my family photos and documents from my mom's house. I started sorting/sifting through them the other night and thoroughly enjoyed myself. One of the many treasures I found was a box filled with 500+ letters that my dad (now deceased) had written to my grandparents back in the early 1950's when he was in the Navy. I had no intention of reading them ALL, but I'm hooked. It's like reading a storybook. I've learned so much about my dad, and a little history, too. I always knew he was a great dad, but he was an extraordinary son. I had no idea that my dad had traveled to so many cool, and not-so-cool places. I also understand now why he hated chicken. I guess they had it every night! He referred to it as "seagull." My only wish is that someone (my mom, dad, grandparents...) was alive so that I could ask some questions. I feel so blessed to be able to read these.

I spent some time in my classroom today. It's coming, but I find myself spinning my wheels a bit. I took a trip to the teacher store two days ago, hoping to buy some inspiration. I think I found a little bit, but it was $175!

I still haven't written or sent out my "welcome back" letter. I had to buy a new laser printer first as my old one was on its way out. Rain is forecasted (again) tomorrow so I may take the opportunity to work on them tomorrow.

We received an invitation to my niece's first birthday party. I'm certain my sister won't be invited. My sister told me that she put the Vespa (scooter) my brother had given to her up for sale on Ebay. Now, I may be looking too deeply into this, but I'm pretty sure she did that to hurt my brother's feelings as she knows he checks ebay occasionally for vintage Vespa stuff. I've been trying not to take sides during all of this, but her meanness never ends.

I have already fallen off the healthy lifestyle wagon, and can't seem to pull myself back on. Maybe tomorrow...

My husband and I have started a rather funny evening routine lately. After dinner we enjoy a cup of coffee while watching an episode of "Emergency" we recorded previously in the day. I was in LOVE with Johnny Gage "back in the day," and now he seems like a complete dork! We roar with laughter over the corniness of the show. Those were the days.

I'll end with some things for which I'm grateful...
  • The upcoming weekend with NO PLANS!!! (Don't let that get out).
  • Finding the "retro channel" and recording Emergency
  • The delicious dinner of "western franks" and german potato salad. I can feel myself bloating as I type.
  • Clean sheets tonight!!!
Suzanne

4 Comments

Poor Me
by: Suzanne, 08-13-2008

So I was feeling really, really sad and just frustrated with life and decided to blog... then I read Hifiman's post about his new job and he truly "turned my frown upside down." BUT, not enough for me to change the title of my blog. I will try to end with something positive...

So school starts in three weeks. I'm unmotivated and uninspired. If I could hire someone to "start me up" with bulletin boards, fresh ideas... I would. I've never had this feeling before and I hope it goes away. I'm looking forward to seeing the kids, and getting into a routine, but I'm really not looking forward to the faculty gossip, whining (yes, I'm whining about whining), and all the other garbage.

I'm going to do my best this year to stay out of the gossip circle, while still maintaining the friendships I have. Thankfully I'm rarely the subject of the gossip, but I'm just tired of hearing about it.

My most favorite person at school, our custodian, is retiring this summer. It makes me cry to even think about it. He has been like a father to me these past few years and has taught me a lot about family, loyalty and just how to be a good person. There will be a huge void in our school without him.

My brother and sister (the only remaining members of my family) have continued with their insane nastiness to each other. I've been pretty good about staying out of it, but today was a rough day. I wish I had the energy to explain some of the events, but it's just too lengthy, and I really, really, need to stop thinking about it. Not only have they made an already difficult situation even harder (the death of my mom), but they are trying to pull me down with them. It's like nothing I've ever seen before.

So at this point I have a relationship with both my brother and my sister, but it's strained, not because of anything I've done. I don't trust either of them, and am disappointed in them beyond belief. Neither will accept any responsibility which makes apologies unfathomable.

I'm already thinking ahead to upcoming birthdays and holidays. I am going to refuse to celebrate holidays twice just to accomodate their feud. It feels selfish of me, but honestly, why should my husband and I work our lives around them at this point? My husband's birthday is coming up. I asked him if we could just invite his family over to dinner, and leave my kin out of it. If they would like to acknowledge his "special day" on their own time, that's fine. Otherwise I will need to hold two different gatherings, and frankly I don't really care about spending that much time with them.

The worst part is that I am missing out on my niece's life. Her 1st birthday is coming up in a few weeks and thankfully we will be included in her big day. But I do miss the day to day updates I use to receive. My brother, his wife, and my niece live just around the corner. Sigh.

A few weeks ago I started yet another effort to drop some weight and train for a 5K. That lasted two weeks. I've already put on the 6 pounds I lost and just feel dumpy. I tried to get back on track today, but the only way I could be consoled by my siblings' latest antics was with potato chips, pretzels, walnuts and cheese.

BUT, alas, not everything is gloom and doom, and tomorrow is another day.

Here's what I'm happy about...
  • My husband and I spent a glorious weekend away in Vermont at a classic car show. We had a ball.
  • My sister gave me all the photos and documents from my mom's house as she said she wasn't ready to sort through them. I can't wait to see what treasures I will find.
  • I know it sounds corny, but I just love to be home. I love my sweat pants, slippers and just being home. I feel safe here.
Like I said, tomorrow is a new day. I think once I get busy with my classroom I will have a better attitude and have less time to dwell on the things of which I have no control. Thanks for listening, friends!
Suzanne

6 Comments

Halfway Point
by: Suzanne, 08-02-2008

Here it is, the halfway point of my summer vacation. It's time to reflect on what I've accomplished, and goal setting for August. (Oh, dear, this sounds dreadfully boring, and far too mature. What has happened to me?).

Accomplishments:
  • Wrote an insane number of thank you notes to every student for their class gift, and many many friends and family for the support they showed following my mom's death.
  • Read (only) one fiction book, but loved it.
  • Started a decent exercise routine, and returned to Weight Watchers (online). I got over the initial lack of energy, and incredible hunger. Now it should be easier. We are going out to dinner with some friends tonight, so I'm trying to eat lightly today.
  • Sorted through and re-organized my home filing system.
  • Emptied my mom's house. We're just waiting for an antique dealer to take some things to auction, and then we'll have the place cleaned and spruced up.
Here are some goals for August, some of which I've already started:
  • Learning about personal finance by reading Suze Orman's book. I'm so ignorant when it comes to that stuff. I'm already reading and taking notes.
  • Meet with a lawyer to have a will/trust, and health care proxy written up. (Suze Orman's book is helping me with that).
  • Read a few more novels. I'm starting "Tailspin" today. Can't wait.
  • Continue with Weight Watcher and exercise, but trying not to obsess. (That's very hard for me. I'm an "all or nothing" kind of gal).
  • Try to muster up some motivation for the next school year. I haven't been to my classroom since the last week. I, like fellow poster Amy, really am not looking forward to returning. I'm thinking a trip to the teacher store might get me started.
  • Have some fun. That's pretty easy being married to my husband.
I finished my walk/jog today, and am ready to hit the shower. My goal for today is to empty the dishwasher. I don't want to!

Suzanne

3 Comments

Beer for Dinner
by: Suzanne, 07-26-2008

I know that title wasn't the best, but as I've said before, the "descriptive title" is the hardest part of blogging.

I have just some random thoughts today. I hope they make sense.

I'm just completing week one of Weight Watchers (I know, I know... I've written this many times before). I've also completed week one of a "Couch to 5K" running program, inspired by fellow blogger Tia. I'm feeling pretty good about both. Without my up to 800 calorie pre-meals, though, I've found myself really tired in the afternoon, prompting me to take a 2-3 hour nap at 1pm. I sure hope I start getting some energy back. Who would have thought all of those potato chips gave me the energy I needed? I'm having 2 Heineken Lites for dinner. I know that isn't what the creator's of Weight Watchers intended, but it's what I want, and I have the points for it.

My two siblings still aren't speaking. It's very quiet. Although I am on good terms with both, they really aren't speaking much to me, either. It's odd, but I can't say that I'm upset or sad about it. They have both behaved so badly that I really don't cherish the thought of spending my free time with them right now. It's all very strange.

I've just started a computer room clean up. I inherited a lovely filing cabinet from my mom and I want to put it to use. (I sure hope the cigarette smoke smell goes away sometime, though). I'm going to re-do my filing system and start filing about 6 months worth of bills and paperwork. I've been waiting for a rainy day to do it, and it's raining now.

I can't even believe I haven't been into school since our last day. This is so unlike me. I always "tinker" around in my classroom over the summer. I'm using the excuse my room is being used for summer school, so I will wait for August to roll around.

My husband has been working in his garage all day. I was kind of hoping for a dinner out, but I know that he wasn't hoping for the same thing. I do miss my lunches out with my mom. That's a void I certainly feel.

I better continue this dreaded filing. But not without sharing a few things for which I'm grateful...
  • I started a book, "The Condition," which I am loving. It's just a family saga, but it's keeping my interest.
  • Heineken Light
  • Although I'm a Met's fan, I really love the Red Sox, too. I especially love Manny Ramirez. I know he's considered by many/most to be a bum, but I just love "characters," and he is certainly one!
Suzanne

2 Comments

A Lovely Weekend
by: Suzanne, 07-20-2008

It felt like it had been forever since I had a chance to totally relax, until this weekend.

My husband and I went to a classic car show about 90 miles away. We drove over on Friday and spent two glorious nights at a beautiful resort. I don't really care too much about the cars, but I loved the shopping, dining and relaxing. We sat by the pool with some adult beverages each afternoon and just watched the world go by. It was just what the doctor ordered.

I know that I've whined about this far too many times, but I need to get rid of this extra weight. I've been eating like a pig and can't seem to stop. I'm going to really give it (and exercise) a major try tomorrow. I've been reading Tia's blog about her running program, and am inspired to start up again. I'm just disgusted with how I feel.

My brother and sister are not speaking. I can hardly believe it, but I find it almost comical right now. Shame on both of them. Idiots.

I'm going to make this short as I really would like to try to start a book tonight. It's been months since I've felt relaxed enough to read anything except the newspaper, and magazines, but I feel great today.

I'll end with some things for which I'm grateful...
  • "The Last Supper" which I inhaled tonight.
  • The nap I took this afternoon. I had two cats curled up next to me. Life doesn't get much better.
  • My beloved Mets won today! Unfortunately I slept through the game. They must not have needed my coaching.
Suzanne

1 Comments

Slow down, summer!
by: Suzanne, 07-14-2008

I started this summer with pretty much a blank slate, and it's filling up quickly! We've only been out of school about 3 weeks, but it's going far too quickly. Slow down!

Thursday, Friday and Saturday we spent at different gatherings with friends. All were very enjoyable. I have such great friends. I'm thankful that my husband loves them all, too. I'm not quite as excited about his friends, but I'm trying.

Tomorrow I'm having lunch with two fellow teachers. I know it will be filled with lots of laughs and some harmless gossip. One of the gals is the wife of our principal. (Yes, our principal is married to one of our teachers, who happens to be my best buddy at school). She's due to retire (along with her husband) next year and I'm already getting teary eyed.

My best friend's daughter's graduation party is this weekend. Unfortunately I'm going to miss it as I'm going to a classic car show with my husband. One of our college friends is coming up for the event as well. While on the phone with her we were trying to brainstorm good graduation gifts to give. We wanted to give her something that we and her mom enjoyed in college. (Sadly, booze was the only thing we could think of... at first). Then, I remembered how much hot-air popcorn we ate in college. (I ate enough to meet my life time supply of fiber! I'm surprised we have an energy crisis). So, I'm going to go searching for a hot-air popper and accessories!!! We ate it by the gallons!!!!

I've thoroughly enjoyed my day today. It started with an hour long walk (mostly in the rain), followed by total lounging around. I left the house once, but only to ride my bike to my brother's house. (I haven't ridden my bike in years. It was quite fun).

I'm obsessed with cleaning out our junk! I think it's because my sister, brother and I are in the process of cleaning out my mom's house. We've taken three heaping truck-fulls to the dump (or landfill... whatever it is). Truthfully, it hasn't been as bad as I thought, but it's a dirty job. My mom and dad smoked for 40 years in the house, and with very little ventilation. YUCK. Anyway, I've bagged up two big garbage bags of my old clothing, with more to come.

My brother and sister are cordial, which is a blessing, but it's not without a lot of pep-talks from me to both of them. I'm getting ready to just say "grow up" to both of them. I don't understand either of them.

Okay, it's time to position myself in front of a tv to watch Big Brother!!!! I can't wait. I'm going to lock the bedroom door because undoubtedly my husband will come in and berate me for watching such trash... And he will watch 4 hours of The Dukes of Hazzard in one sitting. What's with that?

Finally... I'm grateful for...
  • Great, fun, friends. I don't have hundreds, but the ones I have are keepers.
  • Big Brother!!!!
  • My husband who (without complaining) brought my bike up from the basement and tuned it up for me. I guess I better ride it now.
Suzanne

2 Comments

Switzerland
by: Suzanne, 07-15-2008

I always get stuck with the "descriptive title." Today I named my blog Switzerland, as that it what my sister calls my husband and I. Since the loss of my mother my brother and sister seemed to be growing farther and farther apart. It's due to many reasons, but sadly in my brother's case I think it has a lot to do with money. My sister is wealthy, and has always been generous to my parents, brother and me. Because of some hard lessons, though, I've learned that nothing in life is free. Therefore, I've weaned myself away from my sister's financial assistance and gifts. My brother, on the other hand, has not... until now.

My brother and his wife were given a large chunk of money as a gift to pay for their new child's education down the road. Stupidly, my brother allowed my sister to manage the money. It has gone from $50,000 to $19,000 in a matter of months. As you can imagine, my brother is upset about this. DUH!!!!!! Any person with half a brain knows NOT to let family members in on your financial issues. I tried nicely to suggest to my brother that instead of being angry at my sister, that he learns from it. The money, afterall, was a gift, and not the fruits of his labor.

For the past 10 years my sister has paid for my brother's membership at a country club. They joined mostly because neither of them have many friends, and they played golf together. (I am not, and never will be a "country club gal." In fact, I think they are evil ). Due to their dwindling relationship my sister just suggested (nicely) to my brother that he pay his own membership. It baffles me that he is surprised by this. Again, I suggested that he tries to look at this as a chance to "start fresh." Sadly, I think he looks at this as a loss to his social status.

So, I'm stuck in the middle, again. I feel incredibly strong though. I will not get caught up with the "he said, she said" crap. I told them both (seperately) that I love them and that mom would want us to be kind to each other, even if it meant biting our tongue. My sister has turned quite religious over the years, and it baffles me that she isn't trying a little harder to "turn the other cheek." I don't go to church and yet I feel miles ahead of her spiritually.

Okay, time for a new topic... I'm tiring of that one! I just returned from a 60 minute hot, sweaty walk around our neighborhood. Whoever invented ipods is a saint in my book. I love listening to music, and podcasts. It makes the walk much more fun.

I"m still trying to catch up with some of the shows I "dvr-ed" for the past two months. I love "The Next Food Network Star," "Hell's Kitchen," "Work Out," and "Top Chef." (Can you tell I'm a fan of reality television?). Only one of our televisions has the dvr, so I have to work around my husband's desire to watch "Reno 911," and "How it's Made." Thankfully we share a love of the NY Mets, so we watch some television together.

So I'll end this ramble with a few things that make me happy...
  • My ipod.
  • I have only about 20 more thank-you's to go.
  • My health
Happy Tuesday.
Suzanne

6 Comments

Let the Summer Begin
by: Suzanne, 07-06-2008

It's funny to read the posts and blogs from teachers here who are already talking about back-to-school sales and ideas. I'm only 11 days into the vacation! The last thing I want to hear about is going back!

I've been on the go for to many weeks now. I'm ready for a rest. I just spent the last 3 days with my husband and his family at a wedding about 250 miles away. We arrived home last night and my head is still spinning. They are a large, loud Italian family (I love Italians, I married one), but I am a very, very quiet person. Don't get me wrong, I'm not shy, and I love to talk, but I talk quietly (so as not to make anyone's head spin).

I've found myself in some strange but identical situations lately. I must have a tatoo on my forehead that says "talk AT me!" I've been cornered by far too many people lately who have just rambled on and on at me, never coming up for air. I guess I'm far too polite to excuse myself or to give them any indication that they are boring me to tears. I love a good conversation, but these have not been conversations. To be honest, (and this is a bit dramatic), I feel like it's incredibly rude, and borderline abuse.

I really need to get my eating in line. I am a stress eater, and I have been under a ton of stress. Now my stress is that my clothes no longer fit. Weight and food have always been issues with me. 11 years ago I made frequent trips to a psychiatrist who helped somewhat. I've considered going back, but I know what I need to do and hate to give up the money or the time to hear what I already know. I'll start with small steps today by going for a walk and trying to eat like a human. It's one day at a time.

Now I'm really going to sound like a nut job when I add this to my list of issues... I have (at times) passenger issues when riding in a car. My husband is an aggressive driver, and I am a safe, defensive driver. While (driving) I am always looking ahead to see what the next "situation" might be, while he's driving he looking at what he can do to be first. Sigh. For that reason I am usually the driver. He's manly enough to allow me to do that. But, while driving this weekend he drove. The traffic was horrible, and it was raining buckets. I took some valium (for just these occasions) and Bonine (for motion sickness). I guess it worked some. When I got home I had a beer to settle my nerves. I think the combination of all of those put me in a happy place. I slept like a baby.

So I'll finish with some things for which I'm grateful, and if I remember a few summer goals...
  • I'm grateful that we all decided to come home from the wedding weekend a day early. It was wonderful waking up in our own bed.
  • I'm grateful that I finished my thank you notes to my students. Now I just have the ones (oh, about 40) for the people who showed expressions of sympathy for my mom's death. (I actually enjoy writing them).
  • I'm grateful that my husband understands my need for quiet and order. He tries his best to protect me.
Summer goals:
  • To bring back exercise into my life.
  • To start making better eating/food choices without letting it take over my life.
  • To read a few of the books I've collected next to my bedstand.
  • For Hifiman to get a job that he loves, with people who appreciate him.
Suzanne

4 Comments

Summer is Here!
by: Suzanne, 07-06-2008

As usual, I had a dickens of a time trying to come up with a descriptive title. Now I know why my fourth graders sit for what seems like forever when I give them a writing task. (I hope I remember that come September).

It's been quite a long week with my mom's wake and funeral, as well as the last two days of school. I can't believe I survived. (I wasn't totally unscathed though. I have pink-eye and had a stomach bug two nights ago).

My students were so glad to see me back to school (or at least they put on a good show). I was glad to be back. They had pitched in to buy me a summer goodie bag, which was lovely and I had a blast opening it. But on the last day students came with more gifts. It was incredible. Actually, what was more incredible was the cards and letters written by students and parents. I even had a number or parents attend my mom's calling hours. I am touched beyond words.

I have so many thank you cards to write in the coming days. I will write a card to each student for the class gift, but then I have cards to write to the friends, relatives and some I don't even know, for the care/gestures they showed to my family these past weeks. I actually look forward to writing them.

Because I quit summer school, and rescinded my application to write curriculum this summer, I now am looking forward to two months of relaxation. I will need the summer to help my siblings with my mom's house. That will be a big job, but at least we can do it a resonable pace. I also plan on reading many books, and spending quality time at a lovely pool I discovered two years ago.

Instead of closing by listing things for which I'm grateful, I'm going to close with a few things I've learned these past few weeks...
  • I've learned that I am a lot stronger than I ever thought I was, (but I'm apt to cry over anything).
  • I've learned that there is someone watching over us. I've had many blessings bestowed upon me recently.
  • I've learned not to take things or people for granted.
  • I've learned I am such a fortunate person. I have the best husband, a great job, and a comfortable home. (Not to mention two sweet cats who like to sit in bowls).
After two months of of sadness (and a few laughs here and there), it's good to be back. I'm looking forward to why lies ahead.

Suzanne

4 Comments

At Peace...
by: Suzanne, 07-07-2008

My mom died yesterday afternoon after being diagnoised with stage IV lung cancer at the end of April. It's been quite a long two months. With the exception of the original diagnosis, I wouldn't change a thing.

I spent two months completely dedicated to my mom. I was thinking back and can't remember a day that I didn't spend time with her. I feel so good about that. Actually, I feel good about a lot of things.

My mom's wishes were not not feel pain, not be a burden, and not spend time in the hospital. We granted all of those wishes! In fact, it was only the last few days that she did not totally live alone. How's that for independance? Because her bed was incredibly high, Hospice has ordered a hospital bed for her room. She wouldn't have liked that at all. Thankfully she never had to experience that.

I am doing fine. I cry constantly but it's because of exhaustion, the overwhelming support of my friends, and PMS. . I actually bawled in a dressing room while trying on a dress. I bawled because the dress fit!!!! Yikes.

The past 24 hours have been spent contacting my mom's friends and relatives. Many didn't even know she was ill. In fact, some of her closest friends were shocked to hear she had died. Apparently she didn't really tell anyone (except my sister and I) exactly how she was feeling. Good for her. We'll be holding calling hours and a funeral mass on Sunday and Monday. My siblings and I decided against having any other gatherings. We're tired and really not into entertaining.

It's been particularly difficult being away from school. My class put on a musical yesterday afternoon, last night for parents, and a final one today. I had a terrific, but "green" sub who really stepped up to the occasion. He will be taking my class on a field trip on Monday as well. In 23 years teaching I've never missed a field trip. This will be strange. I'm looking forward to spending Tuesday and Wedesday with my class then it's summer vacation.

Speaking of summer vacation, I opted out of teaching summer school a few days ago. I also opted out of summer curriculum writing. When I did so it was because I wanted to spend time with my mother, but now I'm still glad I did. My siblings and I have a lot to do with my mom's house.

My brother, at the very end, did eventually step up to the plate. It's too little, too late in my book. After my mom had died my siblings and our spouses sat in her living room having a few beers. How I wished that we could have done that while my mom was alive. I finally had to leave because I was feeling disgusted that finally my brother was starting to be a brother and son. He started a little speech about how grateful he was to my sister and I for taking such good care of my mom, but he got too choked up. He will have a lot to deal with in the coming days.

So, even with the death of my mom, and friend, I have a lot to be grateful for....
  • My husband has been a saint through this. He was kind enough to leave the cat litter boxes for me, and was sure to leave the clean dishes in the dishwasher. Thoughtful! No, really, he added lots of necessary comic relief these past few days.
  • There are about 5 people at school who just took over my classroom to help my class put on their musical. I promise I will always step up to the plate as they did for me. They are amazing.
  • I did a little retail therapy today. I found two gorgeous outfits to wear for the wake and funeral. My mom would approve!
  • Mostly, though, I'm grateful my mom did not have have to endure much pain or suffering. She was treated by everyone with such dignity. My sister and I had to hire private nurses for the last day of her life. (Of course we didn't realize it would be her last day, but we were worried that she and I couldn't manage to care for her ourselves). The nurses were angels. They kept my mom looking and feeling good through it all. I am humbled by their care. I mean it.
  • And finally, I'm grateful that my mom and I had a wonderful relationship, not just at the end, but always. My sister was a saint to my mom these past two months, but she hasn't always been. I've always treated my mom with respect and love. I think that's why I sleep so well at night.
It's good to be home. My cats missed me, as did my husband. I'm glad to be back with my PT friends!
Suzanne

19 Comments

Back to my roots...
by: Suzanne, 06-16-2008

I'm spending the night tonight at my mom's house, the house in which I grew up. My mom is sleeping, hopefully soundly, so I hope she doesn't hear my crying. She had a rotten day and my sister and I agreed that she shouldn't be alone all night. She went to bed awhile ago.

I really was fine until my incredibly sweet husband came by for a visit. How nice is that? He stayed for awhile to catch me up on the day's events, and I forced him to go home. So here I sit, touched by his sweet gesture, and overwhelmed by what is happening. I wish there were a pill called "tears be gone," as I would take it!

I don't mean to be so dismal, but you are sypathetic "ears" (please don't feel like you need to respond), and it gives me a little venue to express my feelings.

We passed up on a car show today, but I am going to try to go to my inlaws tomorrow as I need to do that for my husband, and I need a little time away from here.

My sister continues to be a rock, although a weepy one as well. We are hoping to get some nursing care for my mom to assist both her and us.

One not-so-nice thing about my brother... He and his wife and child came over to my mom's for a "visit" this afternoon. Now granted, they have a 10 month old, but couldn't my brother give a little extra time? They came armed with books, toys, supplies for feeding.... and only stayed a little while. My sister-in-law is LOUD, and we are a very quiet family. My brother has turned LOUD, to talk over his wife. I had to leave when they came as my head was spinning. The strange thing is that even after they left, and it was obvious that my mom was not well, there was never a follow-up call or a "can I do anything" call. I just don't understand it. I know that having a child is a big deal, but can't parents change their plans a little in a crisis situation? (No need to answer).

Thanks for listening... I feel better already!
Suzanne

6 Comments

I cried in front of my students today
by: Suzanne, 06-14-2008

Yup, I did. I've never done it before, unless I'm reading the end of Charlotte's Web, or Stone Fox. Or, I cried in The Orphan of Ellis Island when the boys couldn't take their pet goat, Violetta on the ship to America with them.

I cried (almost sobbed) out of shear frustration, anger and sadness. I had had a particularly frustrating final thirty minutes afternoon before. First, my class went the wrong way during a fire drill (it was only our 10th this year... what should I expect?). Then they bickered and argued about it instead of exiting the building. Second, one of my girls was very nasty to another and tried to sweet talk her way out of it. Third, one of my usually sweet boys said "That Sucks" when I asked him to join us at the end of the day as I read to them. I carried those events with me the whole evening and night. I kept wondering what I could do to make it better, but only came to the conclusion that they are spoiled rotten, and I am partially to blame. I need to care less. I need to get a tougher skin. So, I cried while trying to express my disappointment. Unfortunately I think I scared them half to death. One sweet gal cried along next to me.

After I got myself together (it took a bit of time. I had to send them back to their desks to read my favorite chapter of Shiloh silently), I assured them that I was just fine and that my mom's illness was on my mind. (That's true). I'm sorry to have upset a few. I worked overtime the rest of the day to be enthusiastic, rational and fine. I haven't received any phone calls from parents yet, but I worried that it might happen.

On a more positive note, on my way home I decided to do some retail therapy. I bought my two homeroom moms nice gifts, and then made a trip to the bookstore. A highschool gal was at the cash register and asked for a subtotal for the three books she wanted. She didn't have enough for one. I felt badly for her, and told the cashier that I would buy it for her. You would have thought I gave her the moon. She was so appreciative, as was the store owner. I felt great about it, and it did lift my spirits, (although not as much as the 22 ounce beer I'm about to down. ).

What a day! Tomorrow we are headed to our State Capitol Building. It's one of my favorite trips, but it's a 60 minute school bus ride. I wonder if I can figure out a way to wear my ipod without anyone knowing? At least it will be Friday.... the 13th!!!!

I'll end with some good stuff:
  • I bought two juicy books and can't wait to get reading.
  • I decided to get many of the people who help me at school (secretary, aide, copy lady...) $25 gift certificates to our small, independent bookstore. Sadly I don't think they all read for pleasure, but they can use them for gifts, or they do have cookbooks.
  • Today was payday, and tomorrow is Friday.
Suzanne

8 Comments

Random Thoughts...
by: Suzanne, 06-08-2008

I sat for a few minutes trying to come up with a "descriptive title," and nothing popped into my head. Random thoughts seemed to fit. A few thoughts about my mom, my home and a little about school...

It's Saturday morning and I just returned from a check up visit to my mom's house. I live fairly close to her, so I go over each morning to be sure she's up, okay, and has taken her medications. Last Saturday when I arrived she was in distress, resulting in spending nearly the whole weekend at her house. I started school on Monday feeling tired, worn out, and stressed. Thankfully her conditions improved and the week went on as usual. Today I was hoping to find her up, pleasant, and ready for the day. Instead she was cranky and constipated. Ugh. I guess I'd rather see her cranky than sad or in distress, but it's just so tiring. On top of that, I smell like cigarettes. Her house is closed up, and she smokes like a chimney. (Hifiman, I totally agree with you about her smoking. Although doctors have suggested she stop, they don't understand that this is the only joy she gets these days. There's no way she could stop now without it impacting her life significantly).

My brother and his wife (and child) live right around the corner from me. He has been no support with my mom's care. Sure he calls or makes and occasional visit, but he has in no way tried to assist my sister and I with her care. He keeps reminding us that he is really busy now that he has a child... I hate that he uses that as an excuse. I don't buy it. Anyway, as I drive to my mom's at 7:15am, I have to pass my brother, wife and child out for a stroll with coffee cups in hand, walking the dog. How nice for them. I can't help hoping that he might say, "Hey, sis, how about if I go over tomorrow morning to give you a morning off?" It will never happen. Truly, his selfishness has made me dispise him. I know that is a strong word, but I feel no love or respect for him. He use to be a big part of my life, and now I can't even look at him.

I have a busy weekend ahead. My school bookbag is heaping full, and the household chores are building up. I brought home a mac laptop to learn how to burn dvd's. My students have been taking photos all year with the digital cameras I won from a grant. I want them to have the photos for themselves. I'm hoping this week I can show them how to use idvd to burn a slideshow... but first I need to learn. This could be ugly.

I've had to take some time off in the past few weeks for my mom's doctor's appointments. On Monday morning we meet with hospice. I realize that hospice is one of those words that make people sad, but my sister and I are looking for a little guidance right now. We worked with them when my dad died years ago, and they were incredible. My mom is still able to get around, but she won't be receiving any further treatments. I hate having to write the sub plans. Thankfully most of the days I've had to be out have been just half-days. The sub I request is terrific. He loves my kids, and they love him. He happens to be a former student of mine, when he was in 2nd grade. Unbelievable where the time goes.

It's hot and humid in the Northeast. It feels like the ocean. I love it.

Yikes, this is getting long. I may have to continue later. I appreciate those that made it this far...

Here are a few things for which I'm grateful...
  • My sister called to offer to pick us up an air conditioner. It's going to be in the 90's all weekend, and all we have is a fan.
  • (I think I said this last weekend) Dunkin Donuts coffee. I've been trying to cut down on calories, so I've been ordering it with skim milk. It's not quite the same, but it's tasty.
  • My students have been wonderful about learning their lines and bringing in props for our upcoming musical. I'm impressed with their commitment. (But not so much with their listening skills... I just had to add that).
Happy Saturday.
Suzanne

6 Comments

So tired!
by: Suzanne, 05-31-2008

As my title states, I'm so tired. I really must turn things around!

I know that if I was to eat better, and get more exercise, it would help. I'm certainly getting enough sleep. I did get a Wii Fit, and really enjoy it. I just need to make it part of my morning routine, as I had planned. My eating has become ridiculous. I'm thinking of seeing someone about it. I'm not so concerned about the weight gain, (although I have experienced some over this year), but I want to stop with my binges. I have someone in mind who I might call, but I always hate the first visit. Years ago I saw a shrink for what I thought was an eating disorder, but it really wasn't that bad. I can't really say I enjoyed going to him, or that he "solved" my problems, but it did help to talk to someone. Maybe I'll call tomorrow.

I still have 20 days left of school. I don't mind much as I really like my class, and the routine is good for me. It's just hard to teach when it's hot out, and when the kids know we are almost done. I'm just as squirrelly as they are! I'm trying to stay on top of the end-of-the-year paper crunch. So far, so good. With my mom being ill, I want to be sure I'm on top of things. Maybe that's why I'm so tired.

I was amused/annoyed by a fellow teacher today. That's really nothing new. I watched this teacher sitting on a bench on the playground talking on her cell phone. That's just not cool in my book. Then, 30 minutes later she has taken her students to the computer room where she is allowing them to play online with their webkinz. Also uncool. And then, it's back outside on the playground. WTH????? Where is our principal????

Do you ever wonder what people say about you? I do (about me ). There is a lot of gossip and nasty talk around our school. I don't really know why, but it's out of hand. Anyway, it makes me wonder what people think about me. Here's what I think...
  • I'm particular about my students, classroom, plans, and anything to do with school
  • I'm opinionated (but I don't think obnoxiously so).
  • I'm sarcastic.
  • I'm moody (always have been, even as a kid)
  • I'm impatient with people (not kids, just adults).
  • I don't work well with others (I'm fine one-on-one, but not so good in a group)
  • I'm also the one most likely to say what everyone is thinking, and they look shocked when I've said it. (Does that make sense).
On another topic, I'm really worried about my mom (recently diagnosed with state IV lung cancer). We had dinner at her house tonight and she really had a hard time eating. Her throat and esophogus (I'm sure that's not correct spelling) were very irritated. Despite our efforts to get her to eat more, she's lost 2 pounds. She has isolated herself, and really doesn't want any company except for my sister and me, and maybe my brother and his wife. I really hate this. No one should suffer like this. It's heartbreaking.

A funny story, though. While showering yesterday morning, the phone rings. It's 6:45 am, so it can only be an emergency. I heard my husband talking to someone. He was describing to the person how to light a cigarette on the stove. IT WAS MY 75 YEAR OLD MOTHER!!! She ran out of matches and needed a cigarette!!! After scolding him, he told me that he was going to suggest she use the pilot light on the hot water tank, but decided she shouldn't take the stairs. Sigh!!!!

I'll try to end on a positive note...
  • It's Friday! (enough said)
  • I'm getting my hair colored tomorrow, and can't wait.
  • My sister and I have grown closer since my mom's diagnosis. She has been great support, and I'm trying to do the same for her. She, like me, is able to find humor on occasion during this difficult time. (Unfortunately it's often at the expense of my lame brother).
  • Although I miss him, I'm also at the same time enjoying having the house to myself. My husband is away helping to ready a boy scout camp for the season. That sounds noble, but I watched as he packed 2 cases of beer, and a large bottle of vodka.
Suzanne

3 Comments

Growing Old
by: Suzanne, 05-24-2008

I'm learning a lot about growing old from my ailing mother. She never was one to take good care of herself (smoker, drinker, unhealthy eater), and now she's paying the price. Lately I've put my own quest for good health on hold and have been eating like a hog, and not even making an attempt to exercise. That's going to change. It has to!

My Wii Fit arrived a few days ago and I can't wait to give it a try. I know it won't be the complete answer to my prayers, but it will hopefully be a fun diversion from the miserable parts of life I'm facing.

Last night we had dinner at my mom's. Right before we left my goofy husband started playing with the buttons on her "lifeline" box, which is connected to our local hospital in case my mom needs help. When we saw what he was doing, it was too late, the call for help had been made. Thankfully only consequence was that a person came on the line to ask my mom if she needed help. We were all stiffling our giggles trying to explain that it was a mistake. It was all pretty funny.

It's hard reading about everyone finishing out their school year while I have a month to go. It will be a busy month, though, and will go by quickly.

Yesterday we had a staff development day. I find them to be so frustrating. The focus of our day was to do some science mapping. We have four elementary schools in our district, and we all do our own thing as far as curriculum is concerned. Our state has created pretty specific curriculums for math, ELS and social studies, but science is a free for all. Anyway, it's funny to see how passionate people are about what they have always been teaching, and how reluctant they are to compromise. Before every one of these meetings I try to remind myself to just sit back and shut up, but something gets inside me and I feel the need to speak. I think that something is boredom, sprinkled with a little common sense. Truth be told, I really could care less about these things. I would much prefer the state or adminstration to just tell me what they want me to teach, and I will do it, well.

I'm looking forward to relaxing a bit this weekend. I got up early to check on my mom and help her balance her checkbook. (Why can't I ever have more money than I thought I had? It's always the other way around for me). The rest of the day/weekend is up in the air.

It's time to get my husband out of bed. I need to annoy him. It's always a good way to start off a long weekend!

But first a few things for which I'm grateful:
  • Dunkin Donuts coffee. What a treat.
  • The sunshine that is out today. We haven't had enough of it.
  • My sister. I could write a whole blog on her. She's a unique person, and I haven't always been her biggest cheerleader. But, watching her commitment to caring for my mom has been incredible. They have always been like water and oil, but she is able to put all of that aside and be a wonderful daughter. I'm very proud of her. My brother, on the otherhand..
Suzanne

3 Comments

Ups and Downs
by: Suzanne, 05-19-2008

It's been a difficult few weeks. My 76 year old mom is suffering from stage IV lung cancer. It's very hard to watch, but I'm with her until the end. She lives alone, but thankfully less than 5 miles away, and a stone's throw from my school. She's undergoing radiation treatments to shrink the tumors to relieve some pressure in her chest. We haven't had Hospice visit yet, but I'm thankful that they are here for us. It's been very hard, but I'm trying to live in the "now," and savor the good things. There are a few.

My siblings and I are working together to support my mom. My older sister and I are completely connected as far as the priority my mom takes in our lives. I can't figure my brother out (he and his wife took a personal day last week to do home improvements. They never took a moment to stop in to see my mom). I'm trying not to pass judgement, but I am disappointed in him. That has happened a lot lately. He is a new dad, and I would have thought he would try even harder to "step up to the plate," now that he has a child watching and learning. I guess he doesn't look at it that way.

School has been very good, but busy. We still have FIVE weeks to go. They will be crazy. I arranged for a story-reader (Jim McKenna) to come to our school last week to read to each of the classes. He was absolutely amazing. He reads novels and picture books to students/teachers with incredible voices, and often to music. He was inspiring. I visited amazon to buy some of the titles he "hooked" my fourth graders on. I just finished How to Steal a Dog, (I can't remember the author) and will start Crash, by Jerry Spinnelli in just a few minutes. I haven't read a book in weeks, which is unlike me. I will ease back into my passion for books with some children's lit.

On Friday I went to SMARTboard training all day. It was very cool. Each of our elementary classrooms is getting a SMARTboard. I can't wait until it is intalled. For the life of me I don't know where our district gets this kind of money. I shouldn't complain, but I feel very guilty. My sister-in-law teaches in an urban school just 40 miles south of me, and she has to beg for chalk! WTH???

I'm going to do a musical with my class. I've assigned the parts, and we've read through it once. I really need to get moving with it, as we have just a few weeks left. I'm not at all musically inclined, but the play is from "Bad Wolf Press," and they supply a music cd to help teach the kids the tunes. Perfect.

As an alternative to being observed by the principal, I chose an "alternative assessment." My goal was to write literature units for the novels/skills I teach. I completed that last week and am thrilled with the results. If I have time, I think I will write one more to go with a book I will use for summer school.

I could go on, and on, but I'm getting wordy. I'll end with some things for which I'm grateful...
  • I'm grateful that the weather looks decent for our outside, all day field trip on Tuesday. When I checked the weather a few days ago, it said rain. Things are looking good.
  • I'm grateful that we have a Superintendent's Conference Day for this Friday. I will only have to be there in body, and not spirit/mind. I also appreciated only having to write plans for four days this week and next week.
  • I'm grateful for the purring cat that was, until just recently, sitting on my lap. My two cats are so very sweet.
  • I'm grateful that I am as strong and sensible as I am. I don't know where I get it from as I've always been a bit of a wuss.
Thanks for enduring this!
Suzanne

3 Comments

All Kinds of Testing
by: Suzanne, 05-03-2008

This has been quite a week. As I reflect upon the week's events, the dreaded word "testing" seems to weave all of the events together. By testing I mean the testing of my students' science skills, the physical testing my mom has had to endure, and the testing of my strength and patience.

This week we gave the NY State Science test for fourth graders. The first part, the objective test, is a 30 part multiple choice exam, along with 10 or so extended response questions. That part is a secure test that changes every year. The second part is a performance test where students have to complete three stations by reading directions, manipulating science equipment, recording results, and drawing conclusions. I have no issues with the first part of the test, but I have huge issues with the second part.

First of all we have given the same test for 5 years. Also, it is not given on the same day state-wide. My students had already heard about the test at the ball-park on the previous night. Some students heard all about the stations from siblings...

The next thing I hate about the test is that it requires me to miss 1 1/2 days of school for set-up and scoring. (This is not to mention that our gym cannot be used due to the set up of the test).

And the final thing I dislike (and this is my biggest gripe), is that it reminds me of how blatently teachers teach for the test. The manipulative part of the test was created to mandate that students are taught science using a hands-on approach. Not to toot my own horn, but I do. When the science test rolls around I do not need to teach my students how to use a pan balance, and other basic science equipment. They know how to read directions, record data... They know that drawing a conclusion does not require crayons! On the otherhand, many of my peers are actually having the students perform the identical experiments in the days prior to the exam. One teacher even set up stations, very similar to those for the test, as an observation by the principal. OMG!!! (Karma, however played a role in that. Because she had not used science equipment all year to teach science, her students really struggled with this and I guess the lesson was a mess).

Oh well... In the whole picture of life, this really doesn't matter at all to me. This leads me to the second test...

My mom has had to go through a whole bunch of health tests this week with the final diagnosis being lung cancer. I've been trying to attend all of her doctor's visits. Each time I have to psych myself up to be strong. My mom has lost a lot of weight, is weak, and scared. Fortunately her spirits are pretty good... better than mine actually. At our most recent visit, to get the results of a bronchoscopy, the doctor warmly said to her "the fat lady hasn't sung yet." That really did put me to ease. I really thought that visit would be terribly emotional, but it was okay. Next week we meet her oncologist where we will talk about treatment, if any.

The last test is that of my strength. I'm a lot stronger than I think I am. I don't know where it comes from because inmy youth I was always a wimp. I would cry when my parents would leave us with a babysitter. I bawled when my parents dropped me off from college. And now, not that I don't have my moments, I'm able to look at things rationally, and try to put things in perspective. Interesting...

This has been a long, disjointed blog. Thanks for sticking with it if you have.

I will end with three things for which I'm grateful...
  • I'm grateful that I have the class I do this year. I've had to have a sub a few times in the past 2 weeks and I do not have to worry about them at all.
  • I'm grateful that my sister and I work well together. She is usually a tough nut, but my mom's diagnosis has brought her to her knees. I keep reminding her that she needs to pace herself, and take care of herself.
  • I know I say this a lot, but I'm grateful for my husband. He's really one of a kind. Everyone loves him, including me.
Suzanne

3 Comments

I just need to write...
by: Suzanne, 04-24-2008

So I haven't been very good about blogging. The reasons are many. It started with report cards and conferences. They always take a life of their own. Then it moved to our spring break in the Bahamas. We traveled with two other couples and had a wonderfully relaxing time. I'm glad we had the chance to "refuel," as I think I'm going to need all my strength.

My 75 year old mom was diagnosed with lung cancer today. She hasn't been feeling well lately and her trip to the doctor today confirmed the worst. My mom won't know until tomorrow. The doctor called my sister to tell her. We'll be meeting with him tomorrow to hear details. It's inoperable. This diagnosis explains my mom's loss of appetite, weight loss, and some other ailments.

I feel so sad. I lost my dad in 1995 of cancer. My mom has missed my dad every day since his death. Despite having 3 devoted and well-adjusted children and a brand new grand-daughter, she lost her spirit when my dad died.

I get the saddest when I think of my mom being alone. She lives alone, but my siblings and I live just minutes away. (She live 5 houses from my school). When my dad died he had my mom with him always. Although I know it's a little too early to make such plans, I would be willing to move in with my mom when the time comes. I think it would be easier than having her move to my house, or that of my siblings.

Oh my mind is racing. I knew this day would come someday. I just hope I am strong. I love my mom dearly (I've posted about her before on my blog), but she can be difficult. I guess we all can be that way sometimes.

Despite this sad news, I'll end with some things for which I'm grateful...
  • I'm so grateful my siblings live so close. It will make the next weeks, months... easier.
  • I'm grateful that my husband understands my need to be alone at times like this. He gave me a hug and kiss, and instinctively knew to go put primer on his classic truck.
  • I'm grateful for the bed that I'm going to be in soon!
Suzanne

5 Comments

Finished!!!!!
by: Suzanne, 04-06-2008

I'm finished with report cards!!!! Yahoo, Yipee and Ahhh!!! In just a moment I will head downstairs to pop open my celebratory beer. My ADHD set in towards the end and I found myself really moving slowly, but they are bound up and ready for school on Monday!

My husband and I went to a cool independent bookstore today. It's always so crowded and there are far too many children in the children's section. (I KNOW they belong there, but I really wanted the place to myself).

On a totally unrelated topic, I must start eating better and exercising. My exercise is sporatic, and my eating is constant and ugly. I'm at an all-time high with my weight. Nothing fits well. We're off to the Bahamas this next week and although I'm not going to obsess about it, I really am not looking forward to wearing a bathing suit. I will, though. BUT, it's not too late to get in shape for summer, and the rest of my life. I may just have to look at the message board for the Biggest Losers. I hope to be inspired.

Okay, enough of this computer. I've been sitting here now for about 3 hours (report cards). I'm going to deflate my self-esteme by getting booed of "guitar hero." I haven't made it through a song yet.

Suzanne

3 Comments

Another Week in the Books
by: Suzanne, 04-04-2008

Okay, I'm going to try to be positive on this blog. Someone noted that my last two blogs (about testing) did not contain my usual positive endings. I was glad she/he pointed it out. It's so easy to get into a rut.

This was a stressful week; report card weeks always are for me. I had a minor family situation, and an "I got my feelings hurt" situation at school. I won't get into either as it's hard to turn them into a positive. But the good news is, the week is behind me.

Next Friday, at this time, I will be packing for our trip to The Bahamas. If our airline tickets arrive, that is. We reserved and paid for our hotel and plane tickets in October, but two months ago I discovered we hadn't received plane tickets, so I started calling. I've now called 6 times. The first 3 times they said not to worry, they would be in the mail. This week my calls intensified and they told me they would FedEx them and will be here Friday. They aren't. I did get a tracking number, which is promising, but how in HEKK am I going to sign for these stinking tickets when my husband and I work all day. I had no idea we would have to sign for these until I tried tracking the tickets. I put in yet another call to Breezes, and they pretty much couldn't help me until Monday. OH MY!!!!!!!!!

I'm going to try to switch gears to something more positive. I had my first of three rounds of parent conferences today. All went well. The parents of my students are very supportive, appreciative and complimentary. I guess that's why I have such a great class. I still have 11 more narratives to go, but I will work on them over the weekend. I'll be glad when they are done.

My husband and I are going on a short road trip tomorrow. I'm looking forward to a little diversion. The town we will be visiting has the most awesome independent bookstore. I plan on stocking up on books and magazines for our Bahamas trip... if the tickets arrive.

I babysat my 7 month old niece for the first time this week. My brother and sister-in-law needed to go to a wake for an hour and asked me. I was thrilled. (Of course it did have to be during reportcard week, but that's okay). I discovered that I really don't know any nursery rhymes or songs. I use to know them, but not anymore. I ended up singing "I wear my sunglasses at night" by Corey Hart. She seemed to love it. I'm going to teach her some Culture Club next time.

My husband just gave me a schooling with our "Guitar Hero." My synapsis (spelling) aren't firing tonight, but his were. It's a lot of fun. I can't wait until this summer when I can play more.

Here are a few things for which I'm grateful...
  • Eddie Bauer Clothing... I just bought a sweatsuit that I LOVE. I tried to convince my husband that it wasn't new. He almost believed me until he pulled the "M" tag off the pants.
  • Bed... I know it's only 8:05 on a Friday night, but I can't wait to get into my bed.
  • I'm going to teach summer school this summer. I've been assigned to teach ELA to fourth graders going into fifth grade. That's right up my alley. I'll be thrilled to have the extra money.
Suzanne

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Testing and Other Musings
by: Suzanne, 03-31-2008

I think it was last week that I blogged about our scoring our state tests in math. I was interested to hear how strict the testing procedures are in other schools. I can't believe I'm saying this, but if our state is going to compare schools, and publish results, I wish our schools would be held to the same procedural requirements. Sure there are administrator's handbooks about keeping the tests secure, and warnings about the integrity of the test givers... but there are also gaps... For example...
  • Our principal gives us the tests just prior to when we are to give them. That's a good thing. On the otherhand, each fourth grade teacher gives the test in his/her own classroom, with the door shut, and no additional set of eyes.
  • Yes, we do have to cover or remove anything to do with the subject to be tested. That's a good thing, but no one checks.
  • After the test is given there is up to an hour gap before the tests are returned to the principal. Anything can happen in that hour. Most teachers take the opportunity to "see how their kids did." I guess that is okay, but it's offering temptations for some... I do trust myself.
  • The tests are kept in a safe until scoring. The scoring is done by the teachers of that grade level, and a few special ed teachers. Although the test booklets are "randomized" I could end up scoring some of my own students. (For our most recent scoring, there was no administrator present for the scoring).
  • During the scoring the scoring leaders are to randomly do "read behinds" to be sure scorers are being consistent with their scoring, and that they understand and follow the rubric given. That's a good thing, but during our recent math scoring, no read behinds were done.
  • After scoring, the test booklets are sorted according to the elementary schools and returned to the school (of course not without being "check out" by the teachers, to "see how the kids did." I don't think this is a good thing.
As you can see, there is far too much room for naughty things to happen. I see at least two ways to "fix" this...
  1. Administer the test in the cafeteria to all students at the same time. (I don't know if this would be feasible, but it's worth looking into. On the otherhand, imagine the anxiety it would create in studnets).
  2. Send the tests out to be scored independently. I know of one local district who does that. It would be costly, but so is the cost of hiring so many subs to take over as teachers score the tests.
I want to be sure I conclude by saying I do not enjoy these tests. I am not defending the tests, but I'm questioning the way they are administered and scored. Actually, I don't mind the tests. I think they are fair, but I do hate that so much emphasis is placed on them. AND we are unfairly comparing them to other schools and districts, when it's obvious these tests are not standardized.

Well, I had planned on rambling on other topics, but I'll save that for another time. I'm embarrassed that I spent so much time rambling on something that I truly don't care about.... testing.

Suzanne

9 Comments

Testing... one, two, three...
by: Suzanne, 03-27-2008

Today our district's fourth grade teachers met to score our state tests in math. Thankfully my principal doesn't obsess over these tests like others, but I still hate them! Here are some of my "beefs:"
  • The teachers who acted as scoring leaders did not do any "read behinds." (That's when they rescore random tests from each scorer to check for consistency). I was a facilitator for the ELA test in January, and spent most of my time doing them. I was glad I did as we had one scorer who was WAY off base on many of his scores. (He was present for the math scoring, too).
  • During the conversations we had today I heard one teacher say that she got a new student two weeks before the state testing, and he didn't have to take the test. Yet, the teacher next to me got a new student the day OF the test, and the child had to take the test. What's up with this?
  • A few of the teachers came to the scoring session today saying they had already "scored" their tests... how can this be when they did not see the question specific rubric for the scoring????
  • Scoring leaders have to watch a dvd (about 3-4 hours long) on how to score the questions on the state tests. My sister-in-law who teaches about an hour away from me said their scoring leaders didn't even watch the dvd. How can these test scores be compared????
I hate what these tests have done to otherwise possibly sane people. Listening to teachers/friends try to justify their (in my opinion) dishonest testing/scoring procedures saddens me. Hearing principals brag/moan about test scores is ridiculous to me. Sure, I think they are a fine tool, and I can even say my kids learned some good lessons while we practiced for the tests... but they are NOT standardized. In my opinion, the scores should NOT be compared.

I promise my next blog will be more positive. Big Brother is on in 10 minutes and I have to get in my usual horizontal position before watching it!

Suzanne

6 Comments

Ups and Downs
by: Suzanne, 03-19-2008

The days are filled with ups and downs... Thankfully the downs are manageable.

I'll start with the ups... Tomorrow we are having a book character day. I decided to be The Paperbag Princess by Robert Munsch. It's a very easy costume, but I didn't have a crown. Today one of my students brought in a crown for me from Burger King. His family made a special trip to get me one! That's so incredibly sweet. I really do get touched by those gestures!!!

Another "up" is that my students had a blast working on our portable mac labtop lab. I'm such a novice with macintosh computers. We're all learning together. The kids just LOVE using them. It was great fun!

As far as the "downs" go, I should probably replace the word down with disappointments. Top on my list are my siblings. I have a 19 year old cousin who called just a few days ago to say he and a friend would like to come our way (an 8 hour drive) to visit. Now he didn't give much notice, but that's okay, it's sweet that he wants to come this way. It took them longer than expected to get here, so the dinner we had planned for their arrival was canceled when it was getting too late. (I stayed at my mom's until their arrival and we ordered pizza. I knew that my mom would feel awkward at first). It wasn't a big deal. But tonight, when both of my siblings were available, neither made an attempt to visit. My 75 year old mom and I took the boys to dinner. It all ended up fine, but I so often find myself disappointed by them.

My sister is quite wealthy, and "retired" when she was in her mid-forties. She's "working" again, but no one knows exactly what she does. She's always complaining that no one respects the fact she has a job, yet she seems to always be available to do whatever she pleases, whenever she pleases... unless it requires a sacrifice. Then she "has to work." So there I am after working 11 hours at school (7am-6pm), entertaining two 19 year olds, and a 75 year old, none of whom know how to keep the conversational ball rolling. (Even my husband delclined to join us, complaining that he really didn't want to spend the whole night at dinner... AND I DID????????). My brother and his wife are teachers. They do have a 7 month old, but I dare them to use that excuse. They normally will jump at nearly any chance to cart their baby around. Having an infant has only propelled their life into a bigger wirlwind of "gotta do's."

So, I'm going to heaven. I'll be carrying a lot of baggage with me, and most of the people there will be unfamiliar to me, but I look forward to some new blood. Will I see any of my ProTeacher friends?

On a positive note....
  • I'm grateful that tonight is a "hat trick" for me on television... Survivor, Big Brother and Top Chef. See, life isn't that bad.
  • I'm grateful that the woman who visited my class to do an anti-violence presentation recognized the good manners of my class, (and all of our fourth grades for that matter).
  • I'm extremely grateful that I came home to a clean house.
  • Thanks and appreciation goes to my husband for helping me to make my paperbag princess costume.
  • And Yahoo!!!! to the three-day weekend ahead!!!!
Suzanne

1 Comments

This and That
by: Suzanne, 03-16-2008

I've been trying to blog for days now, but it falls low on my priority list. I would have thought that with the extra daylight hours I would be able to fill my days better, but it's not happening. I sleep like a baby every night, though.

My fourth graders are incredible. They have really "gelled" as a class. I plan to enjoy every minute with them as I never know what next year will (or won't) bring.

We've been doing so many science labs lately. Although they take time and money to prepare, it's especially worthwhile this year. They take so much joy out of them, and they are really learning.

Our district is designing a new webpage. Our "tech team" recently held training sessions to show the teachers how to create their own pages. I've been trying to play with it for a few hours tonight, but everything is a struggle. I do think that once I get the hang of it, it should be cool. (I already have my own webpage that I built and maintain, but I'd like to give this a try).

I won a $2000 Best Buy grant. (I may have mentioned that on a previous blog.) With the grant I ordered 13 digital cameras with all of the accessories. I can't wait until I can put them in the kids' hands. They will love them.

Last weekend we traveled with some friends to a resort area about 1.5 hours away. One of the couples owns a ski house there. It was fun to get together with them. We ate, drank, laughed... I tried my best not to obsess over the fact that their "second home" is much more grand than our only home. After being so miserable last summer (The Summer of Whine), I decided not to take that route again.

My husband is out with some friends tonight. Although I was invited, I just don't have the stamina to stay out as long as he and his buddies stay out. He did invite me, which was sweet. I'm glad that he has retained this group of friends.

Everything is quiet with my family (siblings and mom). I had my brother, sister and their spouses over for dinner and games last night. (I served "sloppy ho's" in honor of our former governor's latest actions). Everyone was well behaved, which is always a blessing. It feels good to have a healthy relationship with them.

I have a dilemma that I've been trying to work out in my head. My best friend is having a high school graduation party for her daughter in mid-July. It's the same weekend in which my husband and I have planned to go to a classic car show which is out of town. We made the reservations a year ago. I just don't know what to do. I'm leaning towards calling Julie and telling her that I won't be going to the party, but will certainly go to the graduation ceremony. Any thoughts on this?

Okay, I guess it's time to enjoy sole ownership of the television remote! What a treat!

Here are some things for which I'm grateful...
  • I'm grateful that the literature units I'm nearly finished writing are working wonderfully. I'm looking forward to reaping the benefits even more, next year.
  • I'm grateful that my husband constantly makes me laugh. (He has been writing notes to me with sharpie markers on the banana that I bring to school each day). What a riot.
  • I'm grateful that spring is coming! I love living in the Northeast because of the change in seasons, but I'm tired of snow and ice.
Suzanne

6 Comments

The Week in Review
by: Suzanne, 03-02-2008

How I love Sunday mornings... I've read the paper, had some tea, snuggled with cats, and my husband is still sleeping. I also have the whole day ahead of me.

The week flew by!!!! We're preparing for the upcoming NY State math tests which will be given next week. To practice, we've done the past two years' tests, little by little. I'm thrilled at the batch I just corrected. They get it!!!! I try to make the review as stress-free as possible, encouraging them to simply improve from their previous score. Most have, except for my one gal who continues to get 43% on every practice test... no matter what. I would love to commend her for her consistancy!!! Poor thing. (She's missed so much school due to a pathetic homelife, and chronic head lice).

Speaking of this gal reminds me that on Friday, returning from lunch, I notice that she has purchase an ice cream cone from our "snack bar." (Don't get me going about the lack of nutrition at our "snack bar."). So I'm wondering what she will do with it. Lunch is over, I won't be letting her eat it during math. I don't have a freezer in the classroom that she can use.... hmmm... So, I did what I thought I would do, and completely forgot about it. About 2 hours later, during a science experiment I remember. I asked the gal what ever happened to the ice cream cone. Her eyes bugged out... it was in her desk. BUT, thankfully there is so little dairy in those things, it remained soft, but intact and she threw it away. Sigh.

FINALLY, we're getting into some "fun" science. Up until this point we have concentrated on Life Sciences. Although the kids love animals, there aren't many "experiments" we can do through that unit. It's kind of dry. Now we just started learning about matter/Physical science. We did an easy experiment on Friday and they were incredible! I was worried that they would be loud, argumentative... but they rocked! I'm always saddened that by the time they get to fourth grade most of them have never used a pan balance before! Most of the experiments they have done have been done by the whole class, or as a teacher demonstration. I can see how this happens as it is sometimes costly, and often time consuming to prepare for "hands on" labs, but it's so worth it. I'm looking forward to more.

Next weekend we are traveling to Lake Placid, my favorite spot of all time. We are going with a whole group of people for a "ski weekend." My husband and I don't ski, but we go for the fun, meals, beverages and friendships. I'm looking forward to it.

I'm in one of those moods where I could type on forever, but I think I will cut this off, and maybe write more later, on another blog.

I'll finish with three things for which I'm grateful...
  • I have the whole, lovely day ahead of me. Lunch with my mom, catching up on saved television shows... what could be better.
  • I'm grateful that spring is coming... We've been dumped with snow last week and although it's gorgeous outside, it's getting old.
  • I'm grateful that I have some little voice in my head that talks me out of silly purchases. I'm a spender, not a shopper. Lately I've had an urge to spend, and I've been stopped by that voice. Phew!!!!
Suzanne

0 Comments

Magic Words
by: Suzanne, 02-21-2010

"Please" and "Thank You," "Pardon Me," these are the magic words you see!!!

Is it just me, or are those magic words used less frequently. And I'll add to the list, "I'm sorry."

There have been some times recently when a simple, "I'm sorry" would have made a world of difference, but it just never happened.

Take, for instance, today as a simple yet common example. I noticed a student had not handed in her spelling. I said, "Lexi, did you forget to hand in your spelling?" Her reply, "I handed it in." (Note that she did not say, "I THINK I handed it in.") So I ask her to just take a quick look in her binder. Sure enough, there it is. She simply handed it to me. A simple, "I'm sorry" would have helped her case tremendously. It just didn't happen.

But it's not just kids I'm talking about, it's adults.... TEACHERS no less! Over vacation I wrote a 90+ page literature unit, complete with daily lessons and reproducibles for a 4th grade novel. It took me many, many hours. Coincidentally I noticed a teacher on Proteacher requested activities to use with this same novel. Because the file is so large (4MB), I asked her to send me her email and I would send my file. She did, along with 4-5 other teachers. I immediately sent each the fruits of my labor. Two days later and not one thank you!!!! Unbelievable. It's so discouraging. And it's not just ProTeacher, I sent the lit. unit to my 3 other fourth grade teachers, and not one thank you there, either. Now I didn't share them for the thanks (it's a good thing), but Geesh. I have no doubt that all of these people would insist that their students give thanks when they pass out their lollipops.

Oh well, it sounds like I'm whining. I'm not. I'm just making an observation. It just reminds me of how important it is to be appreciative, even if I'm not. .

It was a strange day today. Early this morning there was a fatal accident on a local highway. It cause traffic delays like you can't believe. Many teachers, and most buses were 30+ minutes late. Then the snow came... The buses were late (again), and driving home was sloppy. There won't be a walk around the 'hood tonight. It's too slick.

I'll finish with three things for which I'm grateful...
  • Math... I love teaching math. It's my safety zone.
  • My peaceful home.
  • My hair stylist was able to fit me in this Saturday for a much needed color job. We're traveling in early March with some younger couples, and I don't want to be called anyone's mom.
Good Night!
Suzanne

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